A groom to be, visited a beautiful church and asked the pastor how much will it cost him if he will be married there.
Pastor: doesn't cost much, just donations depending on the attitude of your bride.
Groom A: 5,000 dollars, my love really has most pleasant attitude.
Another man noticed the beautiful church.
Groom B: Pastor what a beautiful church you have, how much will cost me to be married here?
Pastor: doesn't cost much, just donations depending on your bride's intelligence.
Groom B: here is the check for 10,000 dollars my wife to be is very intelligent, she graduated summacumlaude.
Yet another man noticed the church.
Groom C: I would like to be married here Pastor but how much will it cost me?
Pastor: doesn't cost much, just donations depending on your bride's beauty.
Groom C: here is 100 dollars we be married here.
Pastor: (curious why from 5,000 then 10,000 now only 100) yes you be married here with your 100 but can I see your bride, I am curious.
They walked to a BMW parked and groom C motioned for the window to be down...
Pastor: (dipping into his pockets and...) here is your change, 50 dollars will do.
This is just a joke I heard in a counseling class, hoping no one gets offended. Moral lesson: Ladies, we need to continue to improve ourselves in attitude, intelligence, appearance, etc. that there will be no change, lol!
Sister Deena had just returned home from Sunday evening service when she was startled by a burglar. With great biblical authority she yelled, " stop! Acts 2: 38, which implies " Turn from your sin"
The theif stopped dead in his tracks. Then the woman calmly called the police and explained what she had done.
As the officer cuffed the man, he asked the burglar, " Why did you stop you burgling? All the old lady did was yell a Bible verse at you."
" Bible verse?" replied the crook. " She said she had an axe and two .38s!"
The outreach committee has enlisted 25 visitors to make calls on people who are not afflicted with any church.
The Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B.S. is done.
Evening massage - 6 p.m.
The Pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday morning.
The audience is asked to remain seated until the end of the recession.
Ushers will eat latecomers.
The third verse of Blessed Assurance will be sung without musical
accomplishment.
The Rev. Sincere spoke briefly, much to the delight of the audience.
During the absence of our pastor, we enjoyed the rare privilege of hearing a good sermon when J.F. Stubbs supplied our pulpit.
The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the church basement on Friday at 7 p.m. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
The pastor will preach his farewell message, after which the choir will sing "Break Forth Into Joy."
22 members were present at the church meeting held at the home of Mrs. Marsha Crutchfield last evening. Mrs. Crutchfield and Mrs. Rankin sang a duet, "The Lord Knows Why."
Today's Sermon: HOW MUCH CAN A MAN DRINK? with hymns from a full choir.
Hymn 43: "Great God, what do I see here?" Preacher: The Rev. Horace Blodgett.
Hymn 47: "Hark! an awful voice is sounding"
Pastor is on vacation. Massages can be given to church secretary.
The Low-Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday from 7::00-8:30 PM. Please use the back door.
The Spring Council Retreat will be hell May 10 and 11.
Eight new choir robes are currently needed, due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
Mrs. Johnson will be entering the hospital this week for testes.
The Senior Choir invites any member of the congregation who enjoys sinning to join the choir.
Please join us as we show our support for Amy and Alan who is preparing for the girth of their first child.
Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
Due to the Rector's illness, Wednesday's healing services will be
discontinued until further notice.
The Men's group will meet at 6 p.m. Steak, mashed potatoes, green beans, bread and dessert will be served for a nominal feel.
Weight Watchers will meet at 7 p.m. at the church. Please use the large double door at the side entrance.
Stewardship offertory: "Jesus Paid It All."
On a church bulletin during the minister's illness: GOD IS GOOD. Rev. Sincere is better.
