When Should Wives Resist Their Husband's Leadership?
Jun 2
Written By Seth Troutt
The book of Ephesians documents and applies the comprehensive reign of God in Christ. In Ephesians 5:22-33 Paul brings this reality to bear on marriages by addressing how our earthly unions are symbols of our union with Christ. The overwhelming majority of the passage puts responsibility on husbands to nourish, cherish, and give themselves up for their wives.Paul addresses wives in verses 22-24, "Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands."We should not read those verses out of context - both in the context of the Paul's command to husbands to live as sacrificial leaders and in the context of the whole counsel of Scripture (Acts 20:27). What does "submit in everything" really mean? Paul’s exhortation for wives to “submit in everything” has more to do with a woman's general, ongoing attitude of respect and humility toward her husband in all areas of life, rather than always doing everything he wants (1).Below are four instances when wives should not submit to their husbands and can instead resist their leadership. I am indebted to my former professor and current friend Dr. Steve Tracy the vast majority of everything written below (2).
1. When His Leadership Would Violate The Lordship Of Jesus.
When husbands ask their wives to sin, they should not do so. Consider Ananias and Sapphira in Acts chapter 5. Sapphira's willingness to go along with her husband left her morally responsible for the sin they committed together.
Every Christian woman's first allegiance is to Christ: “We must obey God rather than men" (Acts 5:29). This includes the cultivation of intimacy with Christ, attending church, and seeking out meaningful biblical community. "A husband has no right to dictate his wife’s relationship with Christ." (3)
2. When His Leadership Would Violate Her Conscience.
Jesus wants us to be able to "not pass judgment on ourselves" for what we do (Romans 14:22-23). Specifically what I have in mind here is sexual (as many husbands may have sexual desires and expectations, even within their marriage, that are not necessarily sinful, but nonetheless make their wives uncomfortable), but there may be other instances (alcohol consumption, for example) in which a wife's conscience will need to be taken seriously.
3. When His Leadership Would Compromise The Care, Nurture, And Protection Of Her Children.
The harm that abusive fathers cause is incalculable. The Father is a Defender (Psalm 68:5), Jesus is an Intercessor (Rom 8:34) and the Spirit is a Advocate (John 14:17); wives who protect their children image God and love well.. It is important to note that children are called to obey both their fathers and their mothers. "If a husband is harsh, verbally abusive, or uses excessive forms of punishment (including physical abuse), a wife has a moral obligation to protect the children regardless of her husband’s requests or demands" (4). Because of physical power dynamics, this protection may require fleeing and/or legal help.
4. When His Leadership Would Enable Her Husband’s Sin Or Abuse.
Love does not tolerate sin. Sin dehumanizes and repentance is fundamentally humanizing. Husband's might tell their wives "not to tell" someone about his addictions or they might repeatedly act in anti-christ ways by being demeaning, intimidating, pridefulness or degrading. We don't want to be in the habit of enabling sin in general, but, in particular, Christians have biblical justification to take action, resit, and flee when sinfulness manifests as abuse: physical, spiritual, or emotional.
"The prudent sees danger and hides oneself" (Proverbs 22:3). "David (1 Sam 18:11; 19:10; 23:14), Elijah (1 Kings 19), Jesus (John 7:1; 8:59), and Paul (Acts 9:22-25; 14:5; 17:8-10) all fled from avoidable assaults by kings, priests, and other authorities"(5). Not yielding might look like fleeing, hiding, filing assault charges, calling 911, or calling on pastors to exercise church discipline. The immediate and preeminent priority in these situations is safety. Wives have warrant to get space from abusers: "The sixth commandment would mandate that kind of self-defense" (6).Not yielding to abuse is ultimately loving to the abuser. Abusers are dehumanizing themselves and need to stop both for the sake of the abused and for their own sake; unrepentant people will not inherit the Kingdom of God. The pain that results from real consequences can awaken the abuser, who has been minimizing his behavior, to the reality of what he is doing. People tend to not change until the pain of not changing increases. Husbands whose wives have separated because of their abuse or infidelity should receive the pain and the shame that comes from being separated as a gift - the discipline of the Lord (Hebrews 12:5).
Yep! A woman is to submit to her husband to the extent that it does not contradict scripture. So, int the Bible a man is not to have sexual relations with a woman during her monthly flow. So, a wife should refuse her husband when she is having her flow. Also, a wife may refuse her husband entering a hole that is not right to enter. More things are to be refused by a woman of virtue. One should not join their partner in sex sins, or theft, or unholy practices. Go ahead and separate. There is no justification for divorce.
Your allegiance is First to Christ and God. Then to your husband.
Yes, there is abuse, and much of it is coming from women. Men do not abort their children. Men are not as likely to send their wives to jail although there are many abusive women and you know this yourself that there are many abusive women. It is not just men who are abusers.
The stories of abusive women are too many to tell.
You know this to be true.
Abuse is a reality. It is a good reason not to marry in the first place.
If marriage is so difficult, why should I even consider it?
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why marriage
“Marriage should be honored by all” (Hebrews 13:4). A biblical marriage, consisting of one man and one woman in a loving, lifelong commitment, is an honorable and godly institution. Fads come and go, and the world has its biases, but God’s plan for marriage is still the building block of society.
Unfortunately, some people are losing their faith in marriage as an institution. Some, even those who call themselves Christians, denigrate marriage as “a fool’s game” that is bound to end in regret. Some take the disillusioned view that to make a lifelong commitment is foolhardy, since the other person is going to change—we don’t know what our spouse will be like in twenty, or even five, years. He or she could be a completely different person—are we to be held to a vow we made in our youth?
If marriage were intended only to gratify the personal desires of a man or woman, then, and only then, the description of holy wedlock as “foolish” might be valid. But a godly marriage is not selfish. The marriage vow is not a lifetime commitment to be loved. It is a vow to give love. Marriage is a commitment to give love for life. It is a determination to live for the benefit of the other person, to stand by and behind the loved one. To give and give and give, even to the point of giving one’s own life (Ephesians 5:25).
Even more fundamentally, man did not invent marriage. God did. When God made mankind male and female, placed them in Eden, and brought them together in marriage, He had a purpose in mind. The most basic purpose was that marriage would produce more people who bear God’s name and reflect His image (Genesis 1:26–28; 2:22–24). Human reproduction was God’s first stated mandate for the united Adam and Eve. Marriage, God’s first and most fundamental institution, is designed to be the foundation for the family unit.
Further, to properly and fully reflect the whole image of God, mankind was created in two genders, “male and female” (Genesis 1:27). The full reflection of God’s character in mankind requires both genders, man and woman. Marriage is the means by which the two genders are most intimately connected. When man and woman are united in marriage, they together reflect a picture of Christ and the church (Ephesians 5:22–32). Marriage is about much more than romantic bliss or companionship or sexual intercourse.
Believers find true joy in marital partnership with each other when God is their guide. Yes, the honeymoon will end. Yes, both spouses will prove to be somewhat different from what they presented to each other while courting. Yes, sooner or later both husband and wife will be disappointed in something about each other. Yes, people change, and not always for the better. But God had a good idea when He invented marriage—“very good,” according to Genesis 1:31. God even uses marriage as a metaphor for His relationship with His people (Hosea 2:19–20).
Marriage will reveal weaknesses in each individual. Trials and challenges will come. The strength of the vows will be tested. But we live by faith (2 Corinthians 5:7). Marriage is God’s institution for mankind. If He invented it, if He designed it to fulfill His purposes, and if He is in it, then it is good. We should not abandon the idea of marriage just because some people have not got out of it what they imagined they would. After all, it is not the takers of this world who find fulfillment, but the givers (Acts 20:35). Those who by God’s grace emulate the self-sacrificial giving of Christ will find marriage to be good. It will cost something—actually, it will cost everything! But, it is in giving of ourselves that we find the highest meaning of life in Christ.
None of this means that every believer must marry. God knows that it is better for some not to marry, and some situations make marriage undesirable. See 1 Corinthians 7. A single person gives self-sacrificial love in other ways and still reflects the character of God. Marriage is not for all, but marriage itself is a godly institution that should be held in esteem.
Marriage should not be miserable, and it won’t be if we understand what God intends marriage to be and follow His instructions. A godly, biblical marriage provides a lifetime of opportunities for two people to bless each other and their family in the name of Jesus Christ. Our Lord blessed His friends’ wedding at Cana with His joyful support (John 2:1–5), and He still blesses the marital union today.
Is marriage honored by a woman when she divorces her husband?
Is a woman honoring marriage when she divorces her husband for any reason that she comes up with?
I do not think anyone is honoring marriage much these days.
As such, marriage rates are down, and rightly so.
"A wife of noble character WHO CAN FIND?" (Proverbs 31:10)
Ecclesiastes 7:28
"While I was still searching but not finding— I found one upright man among a thousand, but not one upright woman among them all."(Ecclesiastes 7:28)
GREAT if marriage were held in honor.
Now they want us to hold in honor unholy unions and marriages; hold in honor men marrying men and women marrying women. Not much honor in marriage these days. And more marriages go the way of divorce, as you well know. Where is the honor in that?
