Thread: This isn't the life I expected I'd have (Pretty long post!)
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This isn't the life I expected I'd have (Pretty long post!)
Posted : 18 Aug, 2008 11:35 PM
I wasn't sure whether to put this in this forum or in prayer requests, but here goes.
I just feel as if I've lost my sense of joy in the Lord and in life. I know Christ looks at the heart, but as far as people are concerned, I am a loser. I'm pretty good and trying to keep on an "I'm o.k." face, but it's just a front. I thought my life would look very different than it does now. I was always a great student, the good Christian girl who always did what was expected, and yet, I feel like I have nothing to show for it.
I have a science degree, but haven't been able to get a decent, related or steady job since I graduated 3.5 years ago. I'll be 25 in Sept and I live at home, unemployed. I'm back in school trying to get a teaching degree, but in trying to get a teaching job under a temporary license, I have applied for many positions with not so much as even an interview. I'm super concerned about finances and having to live off of student loans while worrying about mounting student debt. And the family I live with has major relational and financial problems to add, but I can't afford to move out. And I have been single for over a year now from a guy who I thought was possibly the man I'd marry, but who turned out to not be genuine in his alleged acceptance of and submission to Christ as he wanted me to think. Right now, finding a guy is the least of my concerns!!
I don't find joy in much and try to constantly distract myself from anything that makes me sad or worry. I've been looking for a church who's doctrine falls in line with my convictions and that has other people my age for Christian fellowship since the church I go to now is about 95% retirees. The few friends I have are not at all Christians, and I worry about how this will affect me and how I can be a witness to them when I think they see me as the Christian who can't get a break in life and who probably think I'm crazy for hoping that God will turn things around when I've yet to see the results of prayer this far.
Anyone else experienced this seemingly eternal waiting to see just an inkling of God's working in their lives??? I don't even know if I'm painting my concerns in a way that gives understanding of the full weight of it all. I don't need to know how things are going to turn out, but I honestly wonder sometimes if my prayers and tears are falling on deaf ears. I crave just a sign, a hint that God really is working in my life to help me make sense of why I believe.
I feel like this period of trial is going to either seriously prove God's power to work and strengthen my faith to give me an amazing testimony or completely shatter my faith in God. And the latter terrifies me. I could use some prayer warriors lifting up this spiritual sister. I appreciate it. Thanks!!
This isn't the life I expected I'd have (Pretty long post!)
Posted : 28 Dec, 2008 02:12 PM
Funny thing. I heard the very same comment on a downtown shuttle once from a non-Christian. Many people probably feel that way, no dout. The truth of the matter is the world is not too "rosey" and as simple as it used to be. People get impatient, give up, get disappointed when things don't happen quickly for them, we expect microwave results with long-bake people. I know I need someone to be patient with me. ha ha Looking at others who do have blessed lives, we DO NOT really know how long or what they went through to finally reach that. They maybe went through the temptations and trials by the skin of their teeth and we somehow, fell into them. Maybe there is a lot of pain under their surface, we just don't see. We all have been assigned to our little world and the people around us. God will work out His Will from what we encounter.
I did hear a teaching from Dr. Charles Stanley that said, if we lose faith it is mostly because we have neglected the Bible. We need it every day to keep our "mustard seed" faith going. Sometimes, I get too busy for the Word, I will admit. Little verses here and there are sometimes my only nourishment in trials. Then we compromise with the world, then neglect church and fellowship. At that point, we find ourselves with no faith and totally discouraged. Beware of the little foxes that get in our vineyards to spoil OUR fruit. Be careful, sweetheart, that the enemy doesn't snatch you away from the loving arms of Jesus who has a PLAN FOR GOOD AND NOT FOR EVIL FOR YOU.
Also, He has created you for "such a time as this." It looks like horrible times, to us, looking at the world right now. But for some reason, God created us to live in this point of time for right now. I look at it - that if I have BLOWN it in the past - so be it. But God's perfect will begins RIGHT NOW and at this very present moment in time. He is longsuffereing to us and will never give up on us and His Plan for us or for you, sister.
This isn't the life I expected I'd have (Pretty long post!)
Posted : 3 Feb, 2009 11:53 PM
Dear Musicgal,
Jesus went through a time like this. When He cried, "My God, my God why have you forsaken me?!"
Madame Guyon, a sister who lived around 300 or so years ago penned a name for Christ's cry in her book- written from prison-called "Experiencing the Depths of Jesus Christ. She called it the "dark night of the Spirit". Imagine Jesus who had always been in the Father's presence suddenly having that presence seemingly stripped from Him. The shock of it caused Him to cry out in pain. You are experiencing this very thing my sister. It seems as if you have been forsaken and that your waiting will have no end or purpose or fruit and yet they that wait on the Lord shall renew their strength, they shall mount up on wings like eagles, they shall run and not grow faint, they shall walk and not grow weary.
It is said of the Lord, though He slay me yet will I trust Him. You have been and I encourage you to continue to trust Him my sister for He experienced this for you in His cry. Know this, even the very sense that God's presence has left us, IS HIS PRESENCE IN A DIFFERENT FORM. This is the power of the cross both to slay and to transform us til we rise with Him the firstborn of many brethren. Rejoice my sister and stand, having done all stand. You can and will endure this coming out sweeter for your perservearance.
We in America have a desire to be blessed but are often so unwilling to endure hardship without complaint. This is God's blessing in disguise. This if carried in faith will conform you to His image which is as Christians our deepest desire. Everything else falls into place.
