I've really been struggling for about a month with a feeling of bitterness. I've also found myself becoming cynical. Yes, it usually has to do with the fact that I'm still single. My 28th birthday is only 6 days away. My mom was 28 when she got married...but she met my dad when she was 27. I haven't met anyone yet.
I don't want to be bitter and cynical. I know those aren't attractive qualities. They SURE aren't very Christ-like. The only way I know of to deal with them, though, is to pray really hard, spend time in God's Word, and keep myself as busy as possible.
Any thoughts on how to deal with bitterness and cynicism? I know the "right" answers...I want practical answers!
My mother was also 28 when she got married, and 27 when she met my dad. So, I totally understand the angst of that 28th birthday! It didn't help that my mother pointed out to me: "I was engaged when I turned 28." Wow... thanks, Mom... SO helpful... *sheesh*
Anyway, how to not be bitter and cynical? That's a difficult one and I certainly cannot claim to have mastered this by any means. But, when I get into one of those moods where I'm afraid that my love life won't work out (or that other things won't work out), I remind myself of God's sovereignty. And I make lists. i love to make lists! Life always seems so much more controllable when I have a list! I'll list ways that God has shown me His sovereignty in the past... the times when He has shown Himself in mighty way, completely unexpectedly, and turned things around. What's cool about that is that He always does MORE than I ever imagined. So, through making such a list, it basically just helps to remind me that He IS good and that He does have a plan that is far better than my own plan for my life.
Getting together with female friends helps some, too. A few weeks back, I reconnected with an old friend and we had an amazing girls night out. I felt so blessed to have that friendship in my life and it reminded me that, while friendships are not the same as marriage relationships, they can help to fill that void. And the two of us are going to be starting a women's Bible study this summer, too, so that will be a great chance to grow in our understanding of Biblical womanhood and appreciate who we are in God, in the midst of our singleness.
Sometimes, I just need to cry and have a little (yes, little) pity party. I don't let it go on for days or anything like that... but, I'll run to the store and get some junk food (which is why I'm still not thin!) and then come home, pop in a movie, paint my nails, and just enjoy being a single girl. And some tears happen... and by the end of the evening, though nothing has been solved, I do feel a bit better.
A variety of cathartic activities can be helpful. Painting and drawing help me a lot with releasing my feelings... getting them out and letting them go...
Focusing on what I can do now to prepare for marriage helps, too. It helps me to feel like I'm going somewhere... I listen to various things about marriage like radio broadcasts and sermons. I follow a ton of blogs that talk about various aspects of marriage and being a godly wife and mother.
Lastly, I try to focus on finding the joy in the here and the now. Life will never be perfect and there will always be circumstances that threaten to rob us of our joy. And I don't want to spend my life waiting for the next stage and telling myself that I'll finally be happy when I reach that next stage of life. There's not as much room there for the bitterness and cynicism to creep in.
I know what you don�t do, you don�t tell anyone that you are struggling with your loneliness, and that you are a bit bitter about it. People will just use it against you to �prove� that it�s not God�s will for you to be married �at this time�, and another reason why they just can�t help you.
What you need to do is put on a fake smile and tell everyone about how you are so content being single. In fact, you even feel that God� is calling you to serve him as a single person for the rest of your life, and everyone will run around and use you as a great example of someone who is willing to wait on God�s will.
Of course it will all be a lie, but it�s either that or ask for help and be accused of every sin under the sun.
Thanks Pixy! It's good to know that I'm not the only one who struggles with things like this. I actually had me a little pity party earlier this week (well, it was really a "full-blown, eat all the pecan sandies and chocolate chip cookies I want, cry my eyes out, and then get over it" pity party), and that helped. I was finally able to deal with some of the thoughts and feelings that I'd been hiding away. And tonight I went with a bunch of single friends (girls and guys) to see a movie. Spending time with other singles who are my age (and older) helps too.
Pianogal, you asked for practical answers... brace yourself like a woMan! Here it comes!
First of all "Trying" is for children, adults do!
When I give lessons one of the fist things I sometimes have to do with many women and children is remove the would 'try' from their vocabulary; at least during our lesson.
Secondly focus on what you have, not on what you don't. And verbally thank God continually for the things you have no matter how small they may seem.
Lastly, crucify your flesh, it is NOT in charge! God is faithful and will give you what you need WHEN you need it, take joy in that thought. Ever heard the song "Thank God for unanswered prayer".
Life and horsemanship have some things in common : they are both about Feel, Timing and Balance
Lastly, crucify your flesh, it is NOT in charge! God is faithful and will give you what you need WHEN you need it, take joy in that thought. Ever heard the song "Thank God for unanswered prayer".
So, what you are saying is that it�s God�s plan for BC to be alone and missing out on one of the great blessings that God has designed for her to be able to do, having and raising a child. It�s God�s design for her to be alone and she should just be happy about it.
It couldn�t be that it God�s plan for her to have difficulty finding someone so that others could help her out. We should just stand around and tell her that it�s all God�s plan and there�s nothing anybody can do about it so just shut up and stop whining.
After all, somebody has to be poor and needy for the rest of us to be able to help the poor and needy.
I am sick and tired of the first and LAST thing everyone does is tell you how it�s all God�s will and you should just stop the whining.
James 2:14-17 (NASB)
14 What use is it, my brethren, if someone says he has faith but he has no works? Can that faith save him?
15 If a brother or sister is without clothing and in need of daily food,
16 and one of you says to them, "Go in peace, be warmed and be filled," and yet you do not give them what is necessary for their body, what use is that?
17 Even so faith, if it has no works, is dead, being by itself.
Cobbler; good grief exactly how many words do you think you can put in my mouth? I'll help you brother; go to youtube and type in 'unanswered prayers by garth brooks' then you will have a informed opinion of my post instead of your opinion of what you think others are thinking.
I'll help you out even more: Hold every thought captive and make it obedient to Christ.(Col 10:5) The enemy is messing with your brain.
I'd help you out even more and introduce you to my younger sister, (she is a single reg nurse, a HMO Insurance Executive and currently on a 6 month missionary trip in the African bush.) However with your current attitude I would not do that to her!
Hmmm....you think maybe that is why no one is helping?
I love your logic Two. After 15 years of begging and pleading for help I have finally become bitter about people�s non-response. And what is your logical conclusion? They haven�t helped me all those years because I am bitter! I�m upset because everyone has refused to help me and tells me that I need to figure it out on my own, and you answer to my bitterness is to withhold your help and tell me to figure it out on my own. It�s absolute insanity.
It doesn�t matter how I ask for help, there is ALWAYS a reason why someone can�t help me. I am missing this, or I am not doing that. So, I go out and fix or do whatever people say that I am missing and come back and ask for help and they just turn right around and give me more goals and requirements for their help. It�s a never ending series of requirements.
The more people try to �prove� that I am wrong, the more they prove me right. I have stated over and over again that it doesn�t matter how I ask for help, the mere act of asking for help is �proof� that there is something wrong with me and that I need to �get right with God� before they will help me. I have been on this site for months stating that I need help, and the first time you mention that you have a sister that you �would� introduce me to, you don�t offer it as help, but as a CLUB to PROVE that I am WRONG.
If I don�t ask for help, I will never find someone because I NEED HELP. But if I do ask for help, it�s proof that there is something wrong with me that prevents others from helping me.
THERE IS NO POSSIBLE WAY FOR ME TO ASK FOR HELP, AND I MUST NOT BE BITTER ABOUT IT, I SHOULD JUST TAKE IT AND SHUT UP!
I will type in caps do that perhaps you will get the following:
YOU DO NOT TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR YOUR INABILITY TO HELP YOURSELF AND IN THE NEXT BREATH CONDEMN OTHERS FOR THEIR INABILITY TO HELP YOU....I ask you; Is this fair?
Please let this soak in for a bit....I am trying in my fashion and limited ability to help.
*I think if you can remove the concept of 'blame' from your thinking and accept what is,...is, then it will release you from this vicious cycle and what is, will change into what can be. Unless of course you are afraid to succeed because deep down you know sooner or later you will fail, therefore you sabotage yourself ahead of time to avoid the failure. It would be good if you could not be so tough on yourself, don't look back and trust God with your failures.....you know you are not the only one who deals with this....." No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful..." (1Cor 10:13)
I don�t know how many times people have looked me in the face and told me that they don�t know anyone, but when I get them frustrated they tell me that they have someone in mind that they would introduce me to, but they can�t because I�m obviously not �right with God� because I asked them for help.
People look me straight in the eye and lie to me, and then have the gall to say that I am wrong for humbling myself, admitting that I can�t do it on my own, and asking for help.
