Praise The LORD And SAVIOUR JESUS CHRIST And GOD Bless you saints of GOD. I already know what I believe concerning this situation, but I ask your opinion. Here's the situation.
A man's wife once met a man on the internet whom she was about to go on a date with but it didn't happen. They both lived in different states and still do. In the process of time, both got married to different persons. One day the husband of this woman who was once about to date this other man, but didn't, found his wife on the internet playing "scrabble" with this man. She explained who the man was to her present husband, but initially seem to be playing with this man kinda under cover (not open to her husband).
The husband noticed that his wife and this man were playing "scrabble" late at night, way after midnight, in the day, ect. The husband took issue with this and wanted the contact to cease, because of the possibility of the evil that could happen.
The wife acted as if she would stop, but continued. The husband then contacted this man and requested that he ceased to interact with his wife. The man refused stating that as long as the wife was o.k with it, he would continue. This began to cause problems in the marriage, but the interaction continued.
The husband then reached out to the man's wife and explained this situation. She didn't contact him back. All of this was done online and nothing by phone nor in person. Now the man whom this husband's wife was about to date before, but didn't became very upset that this husband had contacted his wife and demanded that this husband not contact his wife (though he was still in contact with the wife of this husband). After going back and forth with verbal exchanges, the man stated that he would cease contact with this woman whom he was once about to date, but didn't. This woman who is now married. After some weeks, the husband to whom this woman is now married done some snooping and noticed that the interaction continued. He became so stressed over this that he began to have pains in his heart area and went to the hospital. His relationship with GOD was strained. He became angry that GOD had let all of this happen and didn't stop it as he had ask GOD to do. His wife still refuses to cease interaction with this man, insisting that nothing is going on. But the husband feels disrespected that the woman wouldn't honor his request. Now the woman is saying that she wishes to have nothing to do with her husband. Still refusing to cease communication with this other man and now (she states) his wife also.
Question:
Is the present husband overreacting?
Is the wife and this other man in the wrong?
How should the husband handle this, as he still loves his wife?
I would like to comment after I've heard your viewpoints. Thanks and GOD Bless.
Overreacting would be the wrong word I guess. There went something broken. After all, they were playing scrabble, though late at night and she wasn't telling him and lying about it later. She shouldn't do this if you ask me, but the husband should also trust his wife. If there is no trust and it is all about having someone for oneself, there is something basically going wrong.
Is the wife and this other man in the wrong?
I think his wife is in the wrong for not telling him. I am not sure whether she'd be in the wrong for playing scrabble with a guy she never met, though if she's doing it very often and the relationship to her husband suffers from this, she should care about that fact as well I think.
How should the husband handle this, as he still loves his wife?
I am usually not a guy who uses scripture too often as an argument, because in many cases it fits not too good, but here I think I found a good fitting one:
1. Cor 13,7:
Beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things.
Love means letting go. Love means to bear pain. Love means to suffer for the sake of the one being loved.
The woman might be on the wrong way, but how can we make people see they are on the wrong way? By showing our love to them. That would mean: Cease controlling, give control to God and let go. If she's coming back: Wonderful. If not, she wouldn't really ever come back.
I must say that I've been there before. Not married though, but my relationship to this girl lasted 4 years, and it was the only girlfriend I had.
She met this other guy when in medical treatment. They got started talking about faith, and she thought she could lead him to God. She asked me beforehand what I think of it and I said that I wasn't gonna tell her whom to meet. After all she was responsible for her own decisions, I am not her parent.
As you may have guessed, she fell in love with him, at first she said it was equal, the love to me and him, and she also wanted to stop meeting him but in the end she met him again. She saw I was suffering from it, and I saw her suffering as well. But there was nothing I could have done neither that she could have done. Things were as they were.
In the end she broke up with me, because she had lost her love for me. It was painful but I am glad she did, as the love between us wasn't as real as I had thought it to be. I needed some time to fully realize this. We are still good friends.
I believe in not approaching this issue from the "what is correct" side. This doesn't help a bit. What if the husband knows he was right and she didn't listen to him anyway? What if she knew she was wrong but for some reason couldn't help her deeds?
Love bears everything, and love is no guaranty for relationship. Love stands over relationship. Love means letting go and hoping for the other one to become happy, whatever the consequences.
That is how I see it, I hope you fdon't mind the length of my posting.
The wife was not getting what she needed from her husband but was finidng it in the man who she was playing scrabble with, could've been attention or a kind word. Apparently the man playing scrabble had done this before and in his heart had already staked the claim to the other mans wife.
The man who was having the issue with his wife must've lost their intimacy somewhere down the line, or unresolved issues that needed to be exposed and put behind them.
None of it is right, the woman never should've been playing with a man aside from her husband. The husband recognizing what was going on should've sought counseling with his wife because something was obviously missing from their marriage that she was looking elsewhere for companionship. then of course the man playing scrabble seems like he had feelings for her already but no, the husband didnt overeact at all.
I hope I didnt offend anyone, if I did I didn't mean to. That is just how i see it and could be many more variables that I didnt catch.
There was something wrong in the foundation of the marriage in the first place. Scripture clearly states that a wife is to reverence and be obedient to her husband. His request was not too much to ask. She would have had to think about it from the perspective of if he was the one in contact late at night with another woman.
To keep the relationship undercover, if we can just keep it real, already indicates that the wife knew she was not doing what she should.
I would not have a problem with my husband keeping relationships with the opposite sex that he already had as long as clear boundaries that we have mutually agreed upon are not crossed.
I will fight for what's mine. :boxing: Kidding. :laugh:
This is the Stuff that causes Divorce...Persons willingly causing division between man/husband an women/wife regardless of who is first to initiate the deed. Its SIN.
Free Will Choices are made an all for Self Centerd & Selfish needs...Once a person opens a window to the possibility of mis-dirrection from the Lord...it usually turns out no so good...Remember temptation is the first Fall from GOD...
I hope they can resolve thier issues an will be prayin for them an others....xo
I'd have to agree with Abedjau. I think both of them are wrong to some degree. His overbearing attitude was driving her away, and her lack of respect for his feelings implies that she wasn't really too worried about their marriage anyway. She could have slowed it down or stopped playing late at night or something to show him that she cared about him, even if he was overreacting. There are probably a lot more factors we don't know though...you'd kinda have to be in a close relationship with both people to be able to discern the real problems. I wouldn't think it should be a big deal unless he was noticing other poor behavior on her part. As long as she was staying with him he should trust her. Some people might call that naive or "blind faith" but we need to trust the person we're married to or we might cause the very problem we were trying to prevent.
husband overacting? No, he has legitimate concerns, if believers yes he should lovingly confront her on it, and she hopefully should respond, even if she doesn't agree, there is matter of respect/honor/submission.
It sounds like if she's not responding to loving confrontation it may need to go to the church or biblical counseling.
But the husband is not responsible for his wife actions or what she does, .... she is. He can control his own actions, responses, attitude. But yeah i really think some church counseling may be needed in a situation like this.
Praise the LORD And SAVIOUR JESUS CHRIST. Thanks for all of your replies.
Simply put, a woman is to obey her husband and love him. Walking in these two would have ended this issue before it became an issue. Yet a man should never allow anyone to come in between him and GOD.
Be blessed saints of GOD, In The Wonderful And Glorious NAME of our LORD JESUS The CHRIST, our GOD And SAVIOUR For Ever and Ever. Amen.
