I have been struggling lately to become a true Christian. I have been fighting for 2 years now. But somewhere along the way, I give into sin. I have lead myself to believe that to enter Heaven, I need to be perfect. I have given myself a lot of advice. Its enough to fill 100 pages. But I usually find it hard to stick to advice that I give myself. Or maybe its just that I'm fighting Satan's army on my own. Without anyone to push me or give me hope. So my questions are:
1) Do I really need to be perfect to enter Heaven?
The first thing you need to understand is that becoming a Christian is not something that is achieved through good works.
"For we ourselves were also once foolish, disobedient, deceived, serving various lusts and pleasures, living in malice and envy, hateful and hating one another. But when the kindness and the love of God our Savior toward man appeared, ***not by works of righteousness which we have done, but according to His mercy He saved us***, through the washing of regeneration and renewing of the Holy Spirit, whom He poured out on us abundantly through Jesus Christ our Savior, that having been justified by His grace we should become heirs according to the hope of eternal life.
This is a faithful saying, and these things I want you to affirm constantly, that those who have believed in God should be careful to maintain good works. These things are good and profitable to men."
Should we maintain good works? Absolutely yes. Does maintaining good works save us? Absolutely not.
"For by grace you have been saved through faith, and that not of yourselves, it is the gift of God, not of works, lest any man should boast."
Have been, means, it already happened, by ceasing to rely upon ourselves, and by believing the testimony God has given of His own work on our behalf. God paid for our sin with His own blood. Acts 20:28. When we believe God, trust His word, ask Him for forgiveness, to forgive us our sin, in reliance upon Him to forgive us our sin, He does it, and causes us to be born of His Spirit, into His family, and the Holy Spirit comes to live in us. That is when we become a Christian. Then we have the duty to act like the Christian that God has made us to be, the same way we became a Christian. We rely upon God's power, and His authority, not our own to battle against Satan.
James 4:7 says, "Submit to God, resist the devil, and he will flee from you." Read through Joshua chapters 1-7, and you will see what happens when you first submit to God, the battle of Jericho, and what happens when you try to battle God without first submitting to Him. The promise for success is only to those who submit to God, not to those who think "I've got this one", and leave resources behind when going into battle. Make sure you use the whole armor of God. Ephesians 6:10ff.
The problem that I have found in me is that, my will is no longer in my control. Instead my will has control over me.
I do want to fully surrender myself to God and resist Satan. But my will starts to react violently. It starts to make me feel physically weak, and ill. It begins to haunt me in my dreams too.
My will has been carrying Satan around. I don't know how to get rid of him.
Sorry to say this, but I don't exactly feel as if God saves me from Satan's grip. I believe its my will. That is keeping him from saving me. My will is my curse. It is the one thing that might be impossible to change.
I do pray to God to help me and give me strength, but my will is the only thing that is getting in between me and God.
I need faith. I need positivity. These both come from unconditional love and compassion. But unfortunately I have forgotten how to practice love and compassion.
What you think is going on is not more accurate that what God says is going on.
Faith comes by hearing, and hearing by the word of God.
As newborn babes, desire the sincere milk of the word, that you may grow, if indeed you have tasted that the Lord is gracious.
Your word have I hid in my heart, that I might not sin against you.
Trust in the Lord with all of your heart, and lean not upon your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He WILL direct your paths.
Your actions are directed by YOUR will, not some independent will exercised against you. It takes time to bring your will into regular state of obedience to God. The flesh wars against it. Not your will, the flesh. Weak-minded people submit their will to the flesh, and not to God, because they do not look to God, knowing His power, and do not know His word. Matthew 22:29.
I think I have found a new strategy to win. Its linkin park. I remember that as a kid linkin park was my favourite band. And listening to them now kind of opens up a gateway to my unconscious mind I think. Maybe. Especially the song "part of me". Doing so generates... anger and hate. Which I use against myself. But don't show it in the physical world. Its slowly making my will weaker. And building up a new will. The will to fully defeat my previous will. I am powerful enough to completely destroy my previous will. But it will take some time for me to access all of it.
Like in Harry Potter. Where he says "kill the snake and then its just him" similarly I must first defeat my will. And once that is done. There would be nothing keeping me away from God. Just as soon as I take his hand. The Satan in me would become so weak that he would have to leave my soul.
But that would not be the end... I would win each and every battle. But the war would not be over.
You have a choice. You can follow God, and obey His words, His commands, or, you can follow the voice of man. Let me show you the end of following the words of man, instead of obeying God's word.
"Samuel also said to Saul, �The Lord sent me to anoint you king over His people, over Israel. Now therefore, heed the voice of the words of the Lord. Thus says the Lord of hosts: �I will punish Amalek for what he did to Israel, how he ambushed him on the way when he came up from Egypt. Now go and attack Amalek, and utterly destroy all that they have, and do not spare them. But kill both man and woman, infant and nursing child, ox and sheep, camel and donkey.��
So Saul gathered the people together and numbered them in Telaim, two hundred thousand foot soldiers and ten thousand men of Judah. And Saul came to a city of Amalek, and lay in wait in the valley.
Then Saul said to the Kenites, �Go, depart, get down from among the Amalekites, lest I destroy you with them. For you showed kindness to all the children of Israel when they came up out of Egypt.� So the Kenites departed from among the Amalekites. And Saul attacked the Amalekites, from Havilah all the way to Shur, which is east of Egypt. He also took Agag king of the Amalekites alive, and utterly destroyed all the people with the edge of the sword. But Saul and the people spared Agag and the best of the sheep, the oxen, the fatlings, the lambs, and all that was good, and were unwilling to utterly destroy them. But everything despised and worthless, that they utterly destroyed.
Now the word of the Lord came to Samuel, saying, �I greatly regret that I have set up Saul as king, for he has turned back from following Me, and has not performed My commandments.� And it grieved Samuel, and he cried out to the Lord all night. So when Samuel rose early in the morning to meet Saul, it was told Samuel, saying, �Saul went to Carmel, and indeed, he set up a monument for himself; and he has gone on around, passed by, and gone down to Gilgal.� Then Samuel went to Saul, and Saul said to him, �Blessed are you of the Lord! I have performed the commandment of the Lord.�
But Samuel said, �What then is this bleating of the sheep in my ears, and the lowing of the oxen which I hear?�
And Saul said, �They have brought them from the Amalekites; for the people spared the best of the sheep and the oxen, to sacrifice to the Lord your God; and the rest we have utterly destroyed.�
Then Samuel said to Saul, �Be quiet! And I will tell you what the Lord said to me last night.�
And he said to him, �Speak on.�
So Samuel said, �When you were little in your own eyes, were you not head of the tribes of Israel? And did not the Lord anoint you king over Israel? Now the Lord sent you on a mission, and said, �Go, and utterly destroy the sinners, the Amalekites, and fight against them until they are consumed.� Why then did you not obey the voice of the Lord? Why did you swoop down on the spoil, and do evil in the sight of the Lord?�
And Saul said to Samuel, �But I have obeyed the voice of the Lord, and gone on the mission on which the Lord sent me, and brought back Agag king of Amalek; I have utterly destroyed the Amalekites. But the people took of the plunder, sheep and oxen, the best of the things which should have been utterly destroyed, to sacrifice to the Lord your God in Gilgal.�
So Samuel said:
�Has the Lord as great delight in burnt offerings and sacrifices,
As in obeying the voice of the Lord?
Behold, to obey is better than sacrifice,
And to heed than the fat of rams.
For rebellion is as the sin of witchcraft,
And stubbornness is as iniquity and idolatry.
Because you have rejected the word of the Lord,
He also has rejected you from being king.�
Then Saul said to Samuel, �I have sinned, for I have transgressed the commandment of the Lord and your words, because I feared the people and obeyed their voice. Now therefore, please pardon my sin, and return with me, that I may worship the Lord.�
But Samuel said to Saul, �I will not return with you, for you have rejected the word of the Lord, and the Lord has rejected you from being king over Israel.�
And as Samuel turned around to go away, Saul seized the edge of his robe, and it tore. So Samuel said to him, �The Lord has torn the kingdom of Israel from you today, and has given it to a neighbor of yours, who is better than you. And also the Strength of Israel will not lie nor relent. For He is not a man, that He should relent.�
Then he said, �I have sinned; yet honor me now, please, before the elders of my people and before Israel, and return with me, that I may worship the Lord your God.� So Samuel turned back after Saul, and Saul worshiped the Lord.
Then Samuel said, �Bring Agag king of the Amalekites here to me.� So Agag came to him cautiously.
And Agag said, �Surely the bitterness of death is past.�
But Samuel said, �As your sword has made women childless, so shall your mother be childless among women.� And Samuel hacked Agag in pieces before the Lord in Gilgal.
Then Samuel went to Ramah, and Saul went up to his house at Gibeah of Saul. And Samuel went no more to see Saul until the day of his death." 1 Samuel 15
Saul tried to use the voice of man to justify his sin of not obeying the word of the Lord, rejecting God's word. This is not a game for God. He expects that when He speaks, you will listen and obey. In 1 John 2, God says the evidence of a relationship with Him is obedience to His commands. Yes, New Testament, age of grace, and God expects obedience to His commands. He says that the one who claims to know God, but does not obey His commands, is a liar, and the truth is not in him. So, what will it be, obedience to God's commands, or, following the demands/counsel/words to a song written by man which oppose the word of God?
"Your word have I hid in my heart that I might not sin against you."
"Faith comes by hearing, and hearing by the word of God."
"Desire the sincere milk of the word, if so be that you have tasted that the Lord is gracious, that you may grow thereby."
"This book of the law shall not depart from your mouth, but you shall meditate therein, that you may observe to do according to all that is written therein, for then you will make your way prosperous, and then you will have good success."
