Hey everybody =) So, things have been a little tense in here lately, eh? On another thread, a few of us have been discussing some ways to alleviate that. But, that thread was getting really long, and a little off-track, and was bumped to the second page... So, here is a new thread. I'll start it off with my ideas on how to get along better. Feel free to add to this list or to modify any of my suggestions!
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1. I think one of the issues with forums is that they lack accountability in that you can say things somewhat anonymously to people. You're not looking at them in the eye. You don't know what kind of day they're having. Your best friend isn't standing next to you telling you that you're being an idiot and need to back off =) For some people, such as me, that's great, because I feel I can be more open. To some extent, that's because I can kinda forget that there's a real live breathing person on the other end of the computer who's reading my words. But, that obviously has a flip side to it.
Perhaps a solution here is to have accountability partners or something of the sort. If someone really struggles with interacting with people appropriately online, then he/she could have a buddy on this site (or even someone like a roommate) who could hold him or her accountable. Maybe even something as simple as asking someone to keep on eye on what you write and send you off a message if they think you're getting out of line.
My ex-boyfriend and I are both in this one Facebook group together, and several months ago, I was discussing something on a thread and evidently not being very nice about it! So, he brought this to my attention. Initially, I was upset that he pointed this out and argued that I was correct in what I was saying. And he said he agreed with me, but that I was totally lacking in compassion and just sounding really mean. So that caused me to really take a look at how I was responding to people I disagree with and I've tried to be a little more compassionate since then. And it was good he pointed that out to me, even though it stung a little, because I wasn't really seeing that myself. Sometimes we really need a second eye looking at what we're doing and giving us a push back in the right direction when we begin to stray.
2. I think if we're angry and really emotional about something we've just read, that it's not a great time to be replying to topics on here. You know the whole take a deep breath and count to 10 thing? I think that can be just as useful online. If you're mad, back away from the computer for awhile. Do something else. Think. Pray. Then come back later to reply when you've cooled off. Or, what I've done sometimes is write out what I want to say on notepad, and then come back in a few hours to read it and "soften" it before actually posting it. A lot of times, when I come back to it, I can't believe how harsh and mean I sounded and am so glad I didn't actually post it!!!
3. Discuss the issue, not the person. That's fine to disagree with someone. In fact, we probably all disagree with almost everyone in our lives on at least one thing. Despite these differences, though, we do have to somehow figure out how to get along together and to "love our neighbours." It's not Biblical to start bashing someone because you disagree with them.
4. Handle conflict Biblically and don't seek revenge. If you're having a conflict with someone that extends beyond the topic being discussed, then send them a message privately to work it out. Don't start threads on here aimed at hurting them, and don't call them names or insult them. Interacting online v. in person does not preclude us from using the Bible as our guideline.
5. Remember that Christians follow Christ. For those of us who follow Christ, we shouldn't feel the need to take sides or to be at war with each other. We're in the same army and we believe in the same God. And the Bible places such a high priority on unity w/in the body of believers (which could be another topic here altogether).
6. Remember that we're all at different stages in our walks with God. Some of us may be brand-new Christians who haven't grown up in the church and haven't read our Bibles all the way through yet. Others may have been Christians for 20+ years and have read their Bible through several times over. If you see someone on here less spiritually mature than yourself, then seek to disciple them v. attacking them.
7. Remember that unbelievers may be reading what we're saying on here. One of my ex-boyfriends was signed up on a Christian dating site and he wasn't a Christian. He just thought that Christian women were nicer (really, he was a predator, but that's a whole other story). My point is that we ought to read our words through before posting them and think of how our words present Jesus to an outsider. If our words aren't pointing to Him, then when need to re-write what we say before posting it.
So, to re-cap here:
1. Have someone hold you accountable.
2. Take a break from posting when you're mad.
3. Discuss the issue, not the person.
4. Handle conflict Biblically.
5. Work towards unity v. discord.
6. Disciple v. attack.
7. Re-write your post if it doesn't point to Christ.
PJ, sorry, :nahnah: but I have signed off on this topic and whatever kind of discussion THIS IS NOT... I am not one who continues to repeat myself to grown folk who are suppose to be mature in understandings.
Will it may go round in circles, yeah, that's just what's happening... but I refuse to get dizzzy going around in a circle with this crazzeeeness. :peace: ...it has become never ending going nowhere fast ....keep it movin!...
:prayingm::prayingf::glow::applause: The self is really in control up in herrrrrre.
So, this thread is getting a little of control and veering off into all sorts of crazy directions, which was absolutely not my intent. I started this thread to provide suggestions on how we can all get along better, and I would really appreciate it if we could all respect that and stay on topic. By this, I mean that if you do not feel you have any room for improvement in getting along with others, it maybe be best for you to not comment. Or, if you just want to point fingers at everyone else, this probably isn't the appropriate thread for you to leave a comment on either. Or, if you want to argue w/ me... well, I really don't enjoy arguing =)
Once again, this thread is for SUGGESTIONS, as in tips as to how we can better get along. If you have a tip, please post it, as I'm sure at least 1 person can benefit from it. If there is something I said in my 7 suggestions that you don't understand, please ask. I'd be happy to explain further. If you disagree w/ my 7 suggestions, that is fine. They are suggestions, not demands. I apologize if they're not helpful to you, but perhaps they'll be helpful to someone else.
Again, we're talking about getting along w/ others even when we disagree w/ them. Here's an example...
Let's say that I came on here and said something completely heretical and not in accordance w/ Scripture, something like:
"In order to be saved, you must ride for 500 miles on an elephant before you reach the age of 40."
Now, there are many ways that we could reply to this. Following the pattern of some on this forum, we could say something such as:
"You stupid idiot."
"Shut up."
"You're a heretic."
"You're so uneducated."
Or, we could say something like:
"Can you show me where in the Bible you're seeing that you must ride an elephant in order to be saved? I've never interpreted anything in the Bible to mean that and maybe I could help clarify for you what the verse you're looking at means."
"Here's how the Bible says to be saved... [and list the appropriate verses/passages]. Can you help me understand why you disagree w/ that?"
Now, if we wish to get along with others and respond in a loving way that honours God, we'd go w/ a reply similar to the latter ones I listed. I should be obvious why, but just in case it's not, I'll explain: Saying things such as, "You stupid idiot," or "Shut up," are inflammatory comments. What I mean by that is that they are generally ill-received and will provoke a mudslinging-type argument. Now, such arguments are not productive, meaning that they attack the individual rather than discuss the issue. They do not help either party arrive at a better understanding of the issue. We should respond in such a way that invites a productive and beneficial discussion.
While it may be true that what someone has said is heretical, it should be extremely rare for there to be cause to actually call someone a heretic. Because we want to glorify God, we should speak to someone in a way that helps them better understand God's love, both in our manner and our words. Insulting someone doesn't preach God's love to them. It doesn't help them understand the Bible better... And it doesn't encourage them (or anyone else, for that matter) to ask questions. It would be grievous for a nonbeliever to leave this board because they were insulted when perhaps if we had responded in love we could have taught them the gospel and have brought them to a saving knowledge of Jesus Christ. And I'm sure that there are plenty of nonbelievers among us... Just because someone is on a Christian site, does not mean that they're a born-again Christian.
Just to be clear here, though, I am not saying that we should not address heretical comments. What I'm saying is that we need to respond in love rather than malice.
Hope that helps. If anyone needs me to clarify anything, please ask! =)
@Dennis- I don't mean this in a rude way at all and it's probably just me having a really dense moment over here, but I really don't understand what you're getting at. If it doesn't have something directly to do with passing on tips on how to get along, though, maybe you could find a more appropriate place to post it or just message me privately? My thing is set to any age range...
@Ella- Titus 3:8-10 is a GREAT passage! I'm so glad you mentioned that. I've used that myself when I've finally decided to back away from threads in other forums, but just totally spaced out on mentioning it here. There is indeed a time when we need to just stop, whether our point has been understood or not. And there is a lot of wisdom in knowing when the right time is to do that =) I'm about at that point now...
@James- Nyanda pretty much said to you what I would have, although in different terms... So, I'll avoid being redundant.
I believe Matthew 18:15-17 can fit into some of these discussions and should be followed. It may be a little difficult to apply in this format but it would be better than dragging others through non-biblical name calling and petty snide remarks.
Matthew 18:15-17
If your brother sins, go and show him his fault when the two of you are alone. If he listens to you, you have regained your brother. But if he does not listen, take one or two others with you, so that at the testimony of two or three witnesses every matter may be established. If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church. If he refuses to listen to the church, treat him like a Gentile or a tax collector.
I do not find in word of god.....word of god always true ......arminianism not true.....not word of god.....you bad me good,,,,,arminianism bad.....word of god true!
I do not want to waste too much of my precious time on this thread
Pixy made a very good post but obviously some are not interested in quality of this forum.
And it seems true, the more trouble.... the more viewers!
I think the problem is that this forum has no hierarchy nor structure. Everybody is equal and therefore some think they are superior and treat others in a inferior way.
What I see is that people empty their stomach on this forum and go worshipp God in their own church.
Good, so be it!
@SirJames
This is the second time I see that your limited views insults people. First I have to bear that you shout on this thread that my people kill their elder by euthanasia.... now I have to read that you consider my friend ThunderofGod a person with emotional problems..... and also think it necessary to analyze the state of mind of other community members!
How dare you!
I herewith declare that you cannot use the title Sir, as you are obviously unworthy of it. The title Sir is attributed by the Queen of the United Kingdom, of which your are not a citizen, to people who have achieved or behaved in an extrordinary, examplous way and that title sir cannot be abused and dishonored by an outsider in such an offensive way!
Please step back and adapt your nickname in a more appropriate fitting for your character.
:ROFL: SOS, sorry, you had to stop your writing, but I have been waiting for you to come through! Now you can go back writing.:angel::peace:... will you be able to use any of this stuff for your paper? you know, this forum makes for good research thesis :ROFL:
Pixy, as SOS and others are saying... great post, so don't be discouraged, keep it moving and somewhere down the line what you say will sink in, and God will change the spirit of those who refuse to apply self-discipline. If people can't have self control in the simple things, there is no way possible for God to communicate His spiritual things to them, by this we know they are not speaking the things of God, but of themselves.
But again, if a person has not allowed God to prune back their branches, so that the Holy Spirit is able to cultivate and produce spiritual fruit by the renewing of their minds, we can't expect much character traits in behavior, speech, or conduct resembling the personality of Christ.
I say again, HOOOUUSS-TON, WE'VE GOT SOME SERIOUS ISSUES GOING ON UP IN HEERRREEEE!... and they are SPIRITUAL!
keep the faith Pixy, and allow the Holy Spirit to use you mightily...
We all make errors and should not allow our pride to over come us. In this matter Jesus himself said he who loves his brother it will show. Do we not give good gifts to each other? Would we give a brother a snake for a gift? Even in the world they give their children good gifts. So, why would some of our brothers question some one elses salvation. Or attack his church by bad mouthing it. We are all brothers and sisters in christ right?
Getting along, and being nice all the time are two separate things.
As I said earlier, living a holy life is like playing a song on the piano.
You have to hit the right note at the right time.
I get why Pixy started this topic, but if you look that the rules the website owner has, it is basically no foul language, no innapropriate language, and no insults.
I think everyone pretty much stays inside of those rules, and if you are demanding more than that, well, you need to talk to the administrator of the website.
For those of you who do not know church history, Christians debating each other on the meaning of Scripture has been non-stop since the beginning.
And because of false teachers, and heretical groups, Christians have been forced since the beginning to know WHY they believe, and WHAT they believe.
That was the entire reason for formulating Creeds and having the congregation say them together in church.
I admit that there is a certain blindness to being on a discussion group. You don't know if someone is a new Christian, or if they attend a really messed up church, or even if they are going through some really tough times in their life.
So, there is usually at least some misunderstanding going on in the conversations. Add to that, most can not write very well.
I certainly can't write near as well as I would like to.
But I still say we can over do it with the "nicey nice" stuff.
If you are a Christian, the world HATES you. If you get online and start discussing your faith in groups, well, that is some deep water. You need to realize that there are literally people who hang out on discussion groups LOOKING for Christians, to kick a whole in their faith. I have debated a long time on all kinds of discussion groups, and there are some bad folks out there.
So, If I, or someone else calls you on a point you made, or told you what you just said, does not make any sense, then try not to get upset about it. Consider it training. We all need to be able to think clearly, and give a reason for the hope that is within us. You may not want to go out and defend the faith, but you need to be tough enough to at least deal with someone who disagrees with you.
There are a few cross-grained Christians, who are not happy unless they are against somebody. But the truth is MOST Christians would rather pretend that we all agree with each other, and not even hear Christians debate each other.
If you are one of those people, you should at least spend some time dealing with the reality that we Christians do not agree on every single verse of Scripture. You should also realize that there are heretics of all kinds, people on the net who tell you they are prophets, etc.
If you are one of these Christians who shrink from confrontation, you should at least spend SOME time, dealing with the fact that the world hates you, that there are false teachers our there, and even true Christians disagree on some things, AND learn a bit to defend your own faith.
You don't have to spend years doing it, I am just saying for a while as part of Christian growth.
Being "nice" all the time is NOT the same as living a holy life.
Sometimes harshness is necessary, and we need to be willing to be either nice or harsh, or anything in between.
Well, I have diced up the "getting along" idea along the lines of Gender, treating ladies differently than men.
I also attempted to divide it up along the lines of the difference between being nice all the time, and being anything from nice to harsh, depending on the circumstances.
And now, I think one last division needs to be talked about.
When the New Testament was written, there were no online discussion groups.
There was only what should STILL be the main part of our lives, and that is being with our brothers and sisters IN PERSON, as members of a local church.
for this, I would not even attempt to talk about, because my words would be terribly lousy compared to Scripture.
So, here are the Scriptures on HOW we should treat each other, in person, as members of the local church:
John 15:12 - Love one another
Romans 5:13 - Don't pass judgment on one another
Romans 12:5 - Be members of one another
Romans 12:10 - Honor one another
Romans 12:16 - Live in harmony with one another
Romans 14:19 - Build up one another
Romans 15:5 - Be like-minded toward one another
Romans 15:7 - Accept one another
1 Corinthians 12:25 - Care for one another
Galatians 5:13 - Serve one another in love
Galatians 5:26 - Don't provoke or envy one another
Galatians 6:2 - Bear one another's burdens
Ephesians 4:32 - Be kind to one another
Colossians 3:13 - Bear with each other and forgive one
another 1 Thessalonians 3:12 - Abound in love toward one another
1 Thessalonians 4:18 - Comfort one another
Titus 3:3 - Don't hate one another
Hebrews 3:13 - Encourage one another
Hebrews 10:24 - Stir up one another to love and good deeds
James 4:11 - Don't slander one another
James 5:9 - Don't bear grudges against one another
James 5:16 - Confess your sins to one another
1 Peter 4:9 - Offer hospitality to one another
1 Peter 5:14 - Greet one another
1 John 1:7 - Fellowship with one another
1 John 3:11 - Love one another
Ephesians 5:21- submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ.
Somehow, I think this post just might go over better than my other posts on this subject. : )
