I want to start a new thread today based on something that happened recently. It is becoming so common place on this site, that I think it's worth addressing. And that is: "RUDE BEHAVIOUR."
Perhaps you have been a victim. Or perhaps you have been guilty of it. Let us examine it.
A couple of days ago I sent a polite email to someone who was new on this site. I always welcome them and ask if they have a testimony to share of how they came to Christ and would they like mine. I sent it off and to my surprise, it was instantly read. There was no immediate response... which is not unusual. I checked the next day and there was still nothing.
"They must be shy," I thought. I wrote a poem ... talking about the virtues of Christ inside of us being a hidden treasure. I sent it off and again instantly she read it. However, as before, there was no response. "That's strange," I thought. Why would someone read your email instantly as soon as it arrived but not respond? What did I do or say that could have possibly caused her not to respond?
I sent a third email. This one was completely ignored. Now I have to confess. I have had my emails ignored before...but none made me as offended as this lady's actions( or lack thereof). For two days, I did nothing, till finally I could not hold back. I sent the following email not knowing if she would ever read it. I prayed that she would:
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It is never wrong to be courteous
Message : ...No...I'm not a stalker, a scammer, a bug-a boo, or someone who just fell off the planet. However, whether you know it or not, I felt that way. Your silence is more painful than a courteous... "I'm not interested." I know these dating sites are full of strange people and you may have been a victim to such abuse.
Yet, for the most part, there are real Christian men on this site who have feelings just like you. And just as you would want them to be courteous to you, they desire the same treatment.
Just to let you know, I'm not in the least bit interested in dialoguing with you if you're not like minded. There are a lot of nice Christian ladies who write me that I do not consider as a future mate. Yet as a believer in Christ, I treat them with the respect that a child of God deserves. I do not ignore them as if they do not exist. We represent Jesus Christ to the world and to each other. Let us behave in such a way...so as to glorify our Saviour.
Blessings,
Paul
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Believe it or not...she did read it... even though she never read the previous email. This was her only response... the site's computer generated answer: "Sorry, I dont think we would make a good match." Then she promptly took herself off the site.
WOW... from RUDE to SPITE... and that was someone who calls themself a Christian... who claims to love Jesus with all their heart.
Now contrast that please to another lady who politely sent this response to my email only one day later:
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Paul,
Thanks for replying, but we live too far apart. I wish you the best of luck!!!
Take care,
Chris
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I got the message loud and clear of "no interest" without being offended. It was personal (not computer generated ) and signed. I was so delighted in receiving it that I sent this response:
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Thanks Chris for taking the time to reply
Message : And thank you for being courteous enough to reply.
Blessings,
Paul
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I have had many ladies respond to my emails with gratefulness that I even wrote them back... citing how rude they had been treated by guys who simply ignore ther email.
I know there are lots of weirdos and kooks on this site whose only recourse you have to their harrassment is to ignore or "Block" them. I understand that. But that does not excuse you for behaving rudely towards a legitimate brother or sister in Christ. For the way you treat them is the way you are treating Jesus. It costs you nothing to be courteous.
Remember...there are people behind those emails. They are not blimps on your radar screen. They have feelings just like you. Treat them with the respect that a child of God deserves. Ignoring them is RUDE. Computer generated answers is RUDE. Blocking them for no good reason is also RUDE.
I find I do treat people the same here or in person. I had not thought about this before. I let everyone have their chance. If interested I stickaround. When conversation fades we tend to drift off.
Thank you again for the many responses to this thread both here and to me personally. I want to leave all of you with this thought. The sole purpose of this thread is to expose rude behaviour whether deliberate or done in ignorance... NOT to find reasons to justify it.
Just tonight, I read this remark in a lady's profile: "If I contact you and you're not interested, please have the courtesy to let me know." ...it is a sad indictment to us as Christians that someone has to ask us to be courteous.
I leave you with this scenario: If Jesus Christ, Himself, sends you a personal email today that reads: "I would like to get to know you... would you be interested in chatting?"... which of the following three responses to Jesus would you consider to be a rude response:
1. Ignore the email.
2. Send a computer generated response that reads "I don't think we would make a good match."
3. "Block" Him so that He can't send anymore emails.
"And the King will answer and say to them, 'Assuredly, I say to you, inasmuch as you did it to one of of the least of these My brethren, you did it to ME."...Matthew 25:40
Let's stop finding excuses for rude behaviour and start practising courtesy.
You've correctly identified my first three responses to God's invitation to get to know Him through His Son. Frankly, at the time, I didn't believe His profile. (HELLO??) And there were no photos! I thought people were completely OUT OF THEIR MINDS!
Fortunately for me (and I suspect a few others), God kept extending me invitations through passionate, patient believers with whom I could comfortably fellowship; and before I quite knew what had happened, I found myself deciding to meet Him! Which of course, He completely accomplished in and for me!
I think YOUR mind (and therefore your heart) is made up, Paul, about your ENTITLEMENT to a response to ANY communication you extend. (I think other Christian brothers and sisters are suggesting that this is something you need to look more closely at!)
None of us who meet at this site are the author of the "Rules for Courteous Internet Dating and Communication". We all to one extent or another put ourselves out there with trepidation; and we are learning together how to share our hearts with each other respectfully. MY personal preferences for how some are doing this may not be yours.
It's certainly just as rude to appoint yourself everyone's Holy Spirit as it may be for others to use blocks, canned responses, mean-spirited language, ranting, name-calling, and the silent treatment.
I know I am not always able to answer a message right away. Unless it is a quick one like, "I'm sorry, but at 30 you are probably too young for me." or "I think Malaysia is probably too far away!"
But here's a thought, Paul. Your first message asked her for her testimony. Now she may be thinking, "This is going to take me an hour to write." Or maybe she is thinking, I don't know him well enough to share personal experiences (her testimony might include private matters). So, she delays a response to give her time to think it over. (The fact that she didn't send an immediate rejection is a positive for you.)
Then, you send her a poem. "How nice," she might be thinking. I really need to reply. But he wants me to share my testimony first. And I've got these three other messages to answer first. And my mother is sick and needs my help.
You send her a third email. She sees it in her inbox and thinks, I can't read this until I answer his first two. So she leaves it.
Then she gets your 4th email. Something in the subject causes her to read it, even though she didn't read the 3rd. (or maybe she never even received the 3rd or didn't see it. Mistakes do happen!). In this 4th email you berate her for her rude behavior and for not replying (when you have only given her a couple of days to do so). This email, perhaps in combination with a few other "encounters" caused her to pull her profile from the site. Maybe she didn't even know how to reply to you, so she used the computer generated reply.
Does this create a different scenario, Paul? You're expecting other people to think and respond as you do, or to have the same lifestyle as you do which enables you to process quick replies. Who knows what she had going on in her life. Maybe she had time to read emails, but had neither time nor emotional energy to reply, especially to an email that asked so much of her. (her testimony)
Thank you for your input and your suggested scenario about the lady's reasons for not replying may be correct for all we know. However, you made a suggestion that I thought was great... "a quick reply". Someone who had the time to read two emails at midnight could have taken the time to make a quick reply such as "Thank you for your interest. I'm sorry...I am very busy right now ... I will write later." or "Thank you for your interest... but I'm afraid you live too far away." It takes 10 seconds or less to type that. A courteous response would have settled everything.
dear really,, when you put it that away ,you make a good point.... although im not lookin at it from swamped with hundreds of emails or busy as a bee either hehe..
