I want to start a new thread today based on something that happened recently. It is becoming so common place on this site, that I think it's worth addressing. And that is: "RUDE BEHAVIOUR."
Perhaps you have been a victim. Or perhaps you have been guilty of it. Let us examine it.
A couple of days ago I sent a polite email to someone who was new on this site. I always welcome them and ask if they have a testimony to share of how they came to Christ and would they like mine. I sent it off and to my surprise, it was instantly read. There was no immediate response... which is not unusual. I checked the next day and there was still nothing.
"They must be shy," I thought. I wrote a poem ... talking about the virtues of Christ inside of us being a hidden treasure. I sent it off and again instantly she read it. However, as before, there was no response. "That's strange," I thought. Why would someone read your email instantly as soon as it arrived but not respond? What did I do or say that could have possibly caused her not to respond?
I sent a third email. This one was completely ignored. Now I have to confess. I have had my emails ignored before...but none made me as offended as this lady's actions( or lack thereof). For two days, I did nothing, till finally I could not hold back. I sent the following email not knowing if she would ever read it. I prayed that she would:
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It is never wrong to be courteous
Message : ...No...I'm not a stalker, a scammer, a bug-a boo, or someone who just fell off the planet. However, whether you know it or not, I felt that way. Your silence is more painful than a courteous... "I'm not interested." I know these dating sites are full of strange people and you may have been a victim to such abuse.
Yet, for the most part, there are real Christian men on this site who have feelings just like you. And just as you would want them to be courteous to you, they desire the same treatment.
Just to let you know, I'm not in the least bit interested in dialoguing with you if you're not like minded. There are a lot of nice Christian ladies who write me that I do not consider as a future mate. Yet as a believer in Christ, I treat them with the respect that a child of God deserves. I do not ignore them as if they do not exist. We represent Jesus Christ to the world and to each other. Let us behave in such a way...so as to glorify our Saviour.
Blessings,
Paul
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Believe it or not...she did read it... even though she never read the previous email. This was her only response... the site's computer generated answer: "Sorry, I dont think we would make a good match." Then she promptly took herself off the site.
WOW... from RUDE to SPITE... and that was someone who calls themself a Christian... who claims to love Jesus with all their heart.
Now contrast that please to another lady who politely sent this response to my email only one day later:
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Paul,
Thanks for replying, but we live too far apart. I wish you the best of luck!!!
Take care,
Chris
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I got the message loud and clear of "no interest" without being offended. It was personal (not computer generated ) and signed. I was so delighted in receiving it that I sent this response:
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Thanks Chris for taking the time to reply
Message : And thank you for being courteous enough to reply.
Blessings,
Paul
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I have had many ladies respond to my emails with gratefulness that I even wrote them back... citing how rude they had been treated by guys who simply ignore ther email.
I know there are lots of weirdos and kooks on this site whose only recourse you have to their harrassment is to ignore or "Block" them. I understand that. But that does not excuse you for behaving rudely towards a legitimate brother or sister in Christ. For the way you treat them is the way you are treating Jesus. It costs you nothing to be courteous.
Remember...there are people behind those emails. They are not blimps on your radar screen. They have feelings just like you. Treat them with the respect that a child of God deserves. Ignoring them is RUDE. Computer generated answers is RUDE. Blocking them for no good reason is also RUDE.
I don't doubt people of both genders experience the feelings that you do. Some women may be more comfortable knowing who you are in person first giving them a better opportunity to observe your character in different types of situations, while other women use the on-line forums as a stepping stone to be even more selective than they would be in person. If your feelings are continually getting hurt, and serious offense is consistently being taken, it's always good to ask yourself...why? Although, your intentions seemed honorable, using the word "stalker" can bring up horrific images in a woman's mind, even in the context of a joke and especially since she has never met you before. Also, just because a woman reads your message instantly, doesn't mean she is ready to communicate with you. By sending her multiple emails before she has had a chance to process them and who you are, will only repel what it is you seek. The first question most normal women ask themselves when inquiring about a man is, "Can I Trust Him?", with the follow up "Can I Respect Him?", or " Can I Relate To Him?". I gather that some men make the mistake of bombarding women of interest with emails, and that will only make you look "needy" In general, women don't like a needy man, and in the same light, there are men who don't like a "needy" woman.
Ole Cattle it was actually 4 chances that Really gave her...not 2.
Really,
First I want to compliment Blossom for a very good insight and I think you should reread her comments.
If you're a woman that's getting several e-mails a day...you might just find yourself having to forego answering some of them. Is that rude...perhaps, but I feel if they are not interested enough to reply, then they just saved me the trouble and time of reading their e-mail.
In other words I Do NOt Take It Personally! I don't sit there waiting for a reply and then get upset because there is no reply and write them back...AGAIN!
And if that one was not replied.....I Would Not Need A Third or a Fourth unanswered e-mail to make me realize that...Hey...She Is Just Not That Interested in you.
It happens....move on....write the next one a nice poem.
There is one less woman on this site (probably locked all her doors and pulled all her blinds) because you could not handle rejection...rude or not....it was just an unanswered e-mail, but it seems to happen to you more than a few times and it seems to Upset You!
I just read your profile...very nicely worded.
"...hopelessly romantic, and one who loves to make you laugh,..." should you add that rude behavior gets you upset enough to write several e-mails?
I get the feeling that you are used to having people follow your orders and do not take no's very well.
Hi! I enjoyed your original post. I must say that when I first joined this site I emailed several gentlemen and they never even replied for the most part, maybe a wink or something. And since then I have also been IM'd by men, and then they just sit there and don't say anything, forcing me to take the lead in the conversation. All kinds of things, just like in the real world when you meet people. Yes we should behave better as christians, but also Jesus says "Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way that you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you." And I am not judging anyone by posting it, it's just what I try to think of when things like this happen. And for sure, if they are just rude, you're better off without them! Next time you see me in the grocery store and I am getting over intestinal stomach flu, and you look at me and say hi, and I look at you like I am telling you where to go, please forgive me and pray for me, you never know what someone is going through.
I want to thank all of you for taking the time to respond to the thread: Here are some samplings of your advice:
Cattleman... "Lots of times it's just best to let summin like that be"... down to earth good advice....love it.
Veronica..."Love you neighbour as yourself"...right on.
Godslambs... "don't assume"... good to heed.
Eternal Hope.. too many emails make you look "needy"...okay.
Tarasye... who's big on "respect"
Jennifer... the pastor who "ignored" your email... I grieved.
Gracemae...from the other posting who agreed with everything with a hearty "Amen".
Cecelia... who has her own stories of rude behaviour and advises: do not judge.."you never know what someone is going through"
Blossom.... "practise grace"...beautiful
Archimedes... "First I want to compliment Blossom for a very good insight and I think you should reread her comment"... Thank you... good advice... but I'm ahead of you on this one... we already have an ongoing relationship.
It is obvious from your insightful comments, that rude behaviour does not glorify Christ no matter what spin one may put on it to justify it.
Perhaps, we could all be the instruments in God's Hands to encourage courteous behaviour... starting right here on this site... go for it!
How I do hate coming between two handsome, intelligent, caring, and sensitive men on opposite sides of an emotional issue . . .
I heard something recently that may be helpful here; and that is that we have a certain responsibility as Christians to judge the outward expression of sin (missing the mark), but not the MOTIVES behind that behavior.
So while certain on-line behaviors may seem curt, blunt, rude, or dismissive to the recipient (and may in fact be all of those things) we can't really KNOW the heart attitude of the person behind the photo.
While I don't appreciate canned computer responses either, I feel they are helpful to people are afraid of hurting the feelings of another they don't know how to respond to. I've used them myself on another site, because given the sheer number of introductions, it was the only way I COULD respond to each and every match presented to me.
I am often put off by the downright scary photos that men choose to post. I am often put off by the lack of disclosure in many of their profiles. And these give me plenty of opportunity to practice "presumed worthy until proven otherise." And this is NOT my long suit . . .My new heart is terribly sensitive and I tend to be offended, just as you were, Paul.
But just look how much Achi's photo has improved, for example . . . :rolleyes::laugh:
God bless you both for being such Godly examples of a gentleman should be. Yours sons should be proud.
Thanks to the many others who responded with such tender insights! All in favor of mercy . . .:peace:
