CHEMISTRY... what is it?... and... is it important?
Posted : 1 Oct, 2009 09:57 AM
Hi...I wanted to open a new thread this morning about a subject that is regarded among some in Christendom to be a sign of carnality... and that's the word "Chemistry".
I've come across this word in several ladies' profiles as a sort of a "don't waste my time".... if "chemistry" is not there. I've been on this site for about a year now and talked with hundreds of ladies and have come to this conclusion: That "chemistry" is indeed important in a relationship...that spark...that WOW...that magic( oops...did I say that word ).
What is it?...It seems to me firstly that it is a physical attraction to that person. When Jacob saw Rachel and Leah standing before him...why did he fall head over heels for Rachel and not Leah? Why was he so willing to work for Laban 7 years and another 7 years to be officially married to Rachel? And what was so special about Sarah that Abraham was drawn to? Even Isaac was blessed with a beautiful wife. Obviously God did not think it was carnal or sinful to find someone attractive if He would allow Abraham, Jacob, and Isaac to be blessed with beautiful wives.
In regards to searching for my wife... I admit...that if I am not attracted to a lady physically I really do not have a desire to go further, regardless of other great qualities she may possess. Am I carnal?
Someone will quote to me 1Samuel 16:7 as evidence of my carnality that God looks at the heart and man looks on the outward appearance. BUT WAIT!.... God was simply pointing out a truth, not a condemnation. I'm not God...I'm a man. God put two eyes in my head to be attracted to beauty. No one thinks it's wrong to find flowers beautiful, or a mountain, or the stars. Why is it wrong therefore to be attracted to someone's outward beauty? Why is it thought in Christendom that when looking for a mate one must only look on the heart and disregard the outward?
However, as my son pointed out ...chemistry between people is a MUTUAL attraction... I agree... It's not really chemistry if your attraction towards someone is all one sided. I have found many ladies attractive on this site who simply did not find me attractive...no chemistry. And there are ladies who find me attractive...but I do not feel the same way towards them...no chemistry.
Yet... I must confess that I have discovered that chemistry GOES DEEPER than the outward appearance. On two separate experiences where there was mutual physical attraction between us...there was still something missing... we were not connecting on all cylinders. So we decided to mutually agree to part company. If the chemistry is not there... why try to force it?
So...my intellectual friends... let's hear your insight on Chemistry 101...What is it ? And is it important?
CHEMISTRY... what is it?... and... is it important?
Posted : 13 Nov, 2010 09:41 PM
chemistry... just a thought... what's it really all about? A strong attraction? I do know that for myself, attraction is not just a physical thing. It's intellectual, spiritual, emotional, a meeting of the spirits so to speak. It can happen without any physical presence or even a physical likeness (ie a picture). I met a wonderful man on the phone some years ago. Our senses were heightened as we bantered and enjoyed our interaction as our minds and our spirits connected in a very real way. Our discussion led into some deeper matters of a more personal nature. I found his humour and positive attitude, and his desire and ability to share his deeper thoughts and feelings highly attractive, but there was a sense of something even greater. Sometime later we met in person. Out of our original contact - a business contact - developed a close deep intimacy I will never forget. We were headed for bigger and better things, sharing an ever deepening relationship when God called him home. He has become a beautiful memory in my garden of life.
CHEMISTRY... what is it?... and... is it important?
Posted : 1 Dec, 2010 07:34 AM
Hi Paul,
Hmmmmmm, Chemistry. What a great question. : )
Well, I have learned that for me, Chemistry is not just physical. This time of my life has been a season of hard questions and even harder answers. And as I look to the possibility of marriage being in my future, I find that my ability to identify "Chemistry" has definitely deepened as the Lord has shown me to me. He has shown me how He designed me and has promised that His design is particular and purposeful in each one of us as we look at Ephesians and consider the works He has appointed to each one of us, from before the foundation of the world.
As I have met brothers in Christ on this site and others, I have come to realize how the Chemistry I need has to do with the ability to connect with another person - mind, body and soul.
If we have learned anything by our 40s and 50s, we know that there is an invisible kingdom that trumps anything in this earthly system. Growing in our knowledge of God's Word is key to understanding how He sees Himself, how we are to see ourselves and how we're called to see and deal with eachother. It is the only hope we have for living in light of what is most true. As we grow in our understanding, our innermost desires change and our souls begin to trade earthly treasures for Heavenly ones...brawlers trade in earthly wins for golden crowns, moralists become worshippers, and those who would control others for personal benefit become humble servants. This is a SOLID priority for me. To find this heart in a potential husband is key. Regardless of how long someone has been a believer, I need to experience a like-mindedness in this area. Jesus HAS to be central to the other's Soul desires and it needs to reflect in their character, in the present.
Next, discovering a great mind in the opposite sex can be thrilling! The idea that you have found an intellectual match, experiencing the respect that can develop toward one another, admiring the mental connections made, sharing in intelligent humor and the possibility of great, lifetime connecting because of the sheer ability to "get" one another can be very exciting. It's definite "Chemistry" for me. But this can tend to develop first, through online dating sites, and yet be void of enough power to compensate for a lack of pysical attraction, once we meet. So meeting the mentally captivating individual must come fairly early in the talks, to ensure that we are not getting too connected before we know if the physical part of the chemistry will allow us to move forward.
Finally, as exciting as it can be to find great, physical chemistry, if it is the strongest attraction to the other person, it can actually sidetrack and shortchange a relationship. So if the physical attraction is high, the other parts of the Chemistry must be higher. If allowed,
unchecked physical Chemistry will push through and occupy, not leaving room for real-true-gritty conversations to develop or permit significant bonding (for lack of a better word) to occurr. So, although it's definitely very necessary for me, it cannot dominate. And when it does, it can never hold my attention for very long.
CHEMISTRY... what is it?... and... is it important?
Posted : 6 Feb, 2011 07:47 PM
I know this is an older post but I just wanted to chirp in here..
I've dated many men in my quest for my "Mr. Right", however the chemistry was there very strongly for ONE man, and not as strong for a couple of others. The mutual physical attraction was there in most cases, but for both of you to go deeper and see what a person possess in their hearts, and be naturally attracted to that also, is definitely something very different and VERY good! I have wondered if I had met my 'soul mate' with one of those men, and he felt the same way. We could literally look into each others eyes & see the heart & soul. Powerful. I have also been in a relationship where there was NO chemistry and I felt like I was with an acquaintance the whole time. I felt lonely even when we were together. Hmm..
CHEMISTRY... what is it?... and... is it important?
Posted : 7 Mar, 2011 04:19 PM
Into my understanding, chemistry is both outside and inside appearance. There is a mutual connection to both person.
From the word "chemistry" and as a "subject", I will give you an example of some elements in science like water and salt.
We have studied salt in Chemistry subject and its elements are sodium and chloride....NaCl as salt...Na for sodium and Cl for chloride. In like manner, water has consists of 2 elements...hydrogen and oxygen...H2O as water. You will notice that both water and salt has combined elements in order to formed salt, so as also in water. Hence, chemistry, by the word alone must have a combination of different elements.
Now, pertaining to two individuals, particularly to a man and woman relationship....there must be an attraction....from physical to emotional or inside man's heart/views/opinions/feelings/etc.
Since God created Adam and Eve from Adam's rib, we must remember that the two already has chemistry and that they become as "one" body. It also said: It is not good that a man lives alone. Therefore, God combined 2 people together in marriage just like the elements of salt and water (with 2 or more elements combined)...and this is chemistry.
Just like God, the Father and His Son, Jesus Christ. They are 'two' but 'one'. In John 3:16..."FOR GOD SO LOVED THE WORLD THAT HE GAVE HIS ONLY BEGOTTEN SON THAT WHOEVER BELIEVE IN HIM WILL NOT PERISH BUT HAVE AN EVERLASTING LIFE."
