Thread: Sarcasm, and other funny sayings in the Scriptures
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Sarcasm, and other funny sayings in the Scriptures
Posted : 2 Aug, 2019 09:42 PM
1 Kings
20So Ahab sent [a message] among all the sons of Israel and brought the prophets together at Mount Carmel. 21Elijah came near to all the people and said, "How long [will] you hesitate between two opinions? If the LORD is God, follow Him; but if Baal, follow him." But the people did not answer him a word. 22Then Elijah said to the people, "I alone am left a prophet of the LORD, but Baal's prophets are 450 men. 23"Now let them give us two oxen; and let them choose one ox for themselves and cut it up, and place it on the wood, but put no fire [under it]; and I will prepare the other ox and lay it on the wood, and I will not put a fire [under it]. 24"Then you call on the name of your god, and I will call on the name of the LORD, and the God who answers by fire, He is God." And all the people said, "That is a good idea."
25So Elijah said to the prophets of Baal, "Choose one ox for yourselves and prepare it first for you are many, and call on the name of your god, but put no fire [under it]." 26Then they took the ox which was given them and they prepared it and called on the name of Baal from morning until noon saying, "O Baal, answer us." But there was no voice and no one answered. And they leaped about the altar which they made. 27It came about at noon, that Elijah mocked them and said, "Call out with a loud voice, for he is a god; )(kk9 he is occupied or gone aside, or is on a journey, or perhaps he is asleep and needs to be awakened." 28So they cried with a loud voice and cut themselves according to their custom with swords and lances until the blood gushed out on them. 29When midday was past, they raved until the time of the offering of the [evening] sacrifice; but there was no voice, no one answered, and no one paid attention.
Sarcasm, and other funny sayings in the Scriptures
Posted : 3 Aug, 2019 09:38 AM
Thanks again Prophetic7744 for TAKING A BIG FAT DUMP right in the middle of a perfectly good thread and ruining it for everyone. I'm out of this thread now cause I know there are more big fat dumps coming as long as the thread is active.
Sarcasm, and other funny sayings in the Scriptures
Posted : 3 Aug, 2019 09:59 AM
Zecharyah: That which you called a **DUMP** was actually 30 beautiful Scriptures from God's Word!!
**WE ARE BORN AGAIN THROUGH THE LIVING AND ENDURING WORD OF GOD** 1 Peter 1:23
Deuteronomy 18:17-19: The Lord said to Moses, "I will raise up for them a Prophet like you from among your fellow Israelites, and I will put My words in His mouth. He will tell them **EVERYTHING** I command Him. I Myself will call to account anyone who does not listen to My words that the Prophet speaks in My name!!"
John 14:21-24: Jesus says, "Whoever has My commands and keeps them is the one who loves Me... Anyone who loves Me will obey My teaching, My Father will love them, and We will come to them and make Our home with them.. Anyone who does not love Me will not obey My teaching. These words you hear are not My own; they belong to the Father who sent Me!" {See Deut 18:17-19 above}
Acts 5:32: We are witnesses of these things, and so is the Holy Spirit, whom God has given **TO THOSE WHO OBEY HIM**!"
Luke 6:46-49: Jesus says, "As for everyone who comes to Me and hears **MY WORDS** and **PUTS THEM INTO PRACTICE**. I will show you what they are like. They are like a man building a house, who dug down deep and laid foundation on rock. When the flood came, the torrent struck that house but could not shake it, because it was well built. But the one who hears **MY WORDS** and does not put them into practice is like a man who built a house on the ground without a foundation. The moment the torrent struck that house, it collapsed and its destruction was complete!"
I Peter 1:23-25: You have been **BORN AGAIN THROUGH THE LIVING AND ENDURING **WORD OF GOD**!! All men are like grass, and all their glory is like the flowers of the field, the grass withers and the flowers fall, but the **WORD OF THE LORD STANDS FOREVER**. And this is the **WORD** that was preached to you.
Matthew 24:35: Jesus says, Heaven and earth will pass away, but **MY WORDS WILL NEVER PASS AWAY**!"
I John 2:3-5: We know we have come to know Him {Jesus} if we obey His commands. The man who says, "I know Him," but does not do what He commands is a liar and the truth is not in him. But if anyone **OBEYS HIS WORD**, God's love is truly made complete in him!
Matthew 4:4: Jesus says, "Man does not live on bread alone, but on **EVERY WORD FROM THE MOUTH OF GOD**!"
Luke 8:15: Jesus says, "But the seed on good soil stands for those with a noble and good heart, who hear the **WORD**, retain it, and by perseverance produce a crop."
John 17:17: Jesus prays to His Father, "Sanctify them by the Truth, **YOUR WORD IS TRUTH**!"
Acts 20:32: Paul says, "Now I commit you to God and to the **WORD OF HIS GRACE**, which can build you up and give you an inheritance among all those who are sanctified!"
Romans 10:17: Consequently, **FAITH COMES FROM HEARING THE MESSAGE**, and the message is heard **THROUGH THE WORD OF CHRIST**!
James 1:18; He chose to give us **BIRTH THROUGH THE WORD** of Truth!!
I Corinthians 15:2: By this gospel you are saved, if you hold firmly to the **WORD** preached to you. Otherwise you have believed in vain!
2 Corinthians 4:2: We do not use deception, nor do we distort the **WORD OF GOD**!
Ephesians 1:13: You also were included in Christ **WHEN** you heard the **WORD** of Truth, the gospel of your salvation.
Ephesians 2:17: Take the sword of the Spirit, which is the **WORD OF GOD**!
Colossians 1:25: I have become its servant by the commission God gave to me to present to you the **WORD OF GOD IN ALL ITS FULLNESS**!
Colossians 3:16: Let the **WORD OF CHRIST** dwell in you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom!
I Thessalonians 2:13: We thank God continually because, when you received the **WORD OF GOD**, which you heard from us, you received it not as the word of men, but as it actually is, the **WORD OF GOD**!
Acts 17:11,12: Now the Berean Jews were of more noble character than those in Thessalonica, for they received the message with great eagerness and **EXAMINED THE SCRIPTURES EVERY DAY**... As a result many of them believed!!
Psalm 118:147,148: I rise before dawn and cry for help; I have put my hope in **YOUR WORD**! My eyes stay open through the watches of the night, that I might meditate on **YOUR PROMISES**!!
2 Timothy 2:15: Do your best to present yourselves to God as one approved, a workman who does not need to be ashamed and who **CORRECTLY HANDLES THE WORD ** of truth!
2 Timothy 3:15,16: 4:1,2: You have known the **HOLY SCRIPTURES**, which are able to make you wise for salvation through faith in Christ Jesus. **ALL SCRIPTURE IS GOD-BREATHED** and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness, so that the man of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work. In the presence of God and of Christ Jesus, who will judge the living and the dead, and in view of His appearing and His kingdom, I give you this charge: **PREACH THE WORD**!! {**WHICH IS THE ENTIRE NEW COVENANT AND NEW TESTAMENT**!!}
**DOES GOD"S WORD SAY THAT **ADDING** OR **TAKING WORD'S AWAY** FROM GOD's WORD IS AN UMPARDONABLE SIN**??
Revelation 22:16,18,19: "I, Jesus. have sent my angel to give you this testimony for the Churches.... I warn everyone who hears the **WORDS OF THE PROPHECY OF THIS BOOK**: If anyone **ADDS** {Like the RC popes} anything to them, God will add to him the plagues described in this Book {Including **ETERNAL HELL**} And if anyone **TAKES WORDS AWAY** {Like the RC popes} from this book of prophecy, God will take away from him his share in the Tree of Life and in the Holy City {The New Jerusalem}, which are described in this book."
John 16: Jesus says, "I have much more to say to you, more than you can now bear. But when he, the spirit of Truth comes, he will guide you into all the Truth. He will not speak on his own; he will speak only what he hears, and he will tell you what is yet to come. He will glorify Me because it is from Me that he will receive what he will make known to you!"
And holy spirit inspired the 8 writers of the 27 books of the New Testament to write everything Jesus told him to write!!
THE GREAT COMMISSION: Matthew 28:18-20: Jesus says, “All authority in heaven and on ***EARTH*** has been given to Me {Not some RC Pope}. Therefore go and make disciples of *ALL NATIONS*...teaching them to **OBEY EVERYTHING** {The entire NT} I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very *END OF THE AGE*!”
I Corinthians 6:9-11: Do not be deceived: Neither the sexually immoral nor idolaters nor adulterers nor men who have sex with men nor thieves nor the greedy nor drunkards nor slanderers nor swindlers will inherit the Kingdom of God. And that is what some of you were. But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God!
Sarcasm, and other funny sayings in the Scriptures
Posted : 3 Aug, 2019 11:52 AM
Zecharyah and the RC Popes believe that we are saved by **THE RIGHTEOUS THINGS WE HAVE DONE** and by our own **GOOD WORKS**and that the Blood of Jesus does not forgive all the sins of those whom God has **CHOSEN**??
**BUT WHAT DOES GOD'S WORD SAY**??
**SALVATION IS 100% FREE WHILE ETERNAL HEAVENLY REWARDS ARE 100% EARNED**!!
**SALVATION IS 100% FREE**
Titus 3:3,4: At one time we too were foolish, disobedient, deceived and enslaved by all kinds of passions and pleasures. We lived in malice and envy, being hated and hating one another. But when the kindness and **LOVE** of God our Savior appeared , He saved us, **NOT BECAUSE OF RIGHTEOUS THINGS WE HAD DONE**, but because of **HIS MERCY**!!
John 1:12,13: To all who received Him, to those who believed in His name, he gave the right to become children of God--children born not of natural descent, **NOR OF A HUMAN DECISION** or a husband's will but, **BORN OF GOD**!!
John 6:37,39,44,65: Jesus says, "**ALL** that the Father gives Me **WILL** come to Me, and whoever comes to Me I will **NEVER** drive away... And this is the will of Him who sent Me, that I shall **LOSE NONE** of all that He has given Me, but raise them up at the Last Day.... No one can come to Me **UNLESS** the Father who sent Me **DRAWS HIM**, and I will raise him up at the Last Day!!... No one can come to Me **UNLESS** the Father has **ENABLED THEM**!!"
Ephesians 2:8,9: For it is by **GRACE** you have been saved, through **FAITH**—and this **NOT FROM YOURSELVES**, it is the **GIFT OF GOD**—not by works. So that no one can boast. For we are **GOD'S WORKMANSHIP**, created in Christ Jesus to do **GOOD WORKS**, which God prepared in advance for us to do!
Romans 12:3: For by the **GRACE GIVEN ME** I say to every one of you. Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourselves with sober judgment, in accordance with the **FAITH GOD HAS DISTRIBUTED TO EACH OF YOU**... We have different gifts, according to the **GRACE GIVEN TO EACH OF US**!!
Romans 9:15,16,18: God says, "I will have mercy on whom I have mercy, and I will have compassion on whom I have compassion." It does not, therefore, depend on human desire or effort, but on God's mercy...Therefore God has mercy on whom He wants to have mercy, and He hardens whom He wants to harden. {But God's saints still preach God's Word to everyone}
John 15:16: Jesus says, You did not choose Me, but I **CHOSE YOU**and appointed you so that you might bear **FRUIT**--**FRUIT** that will last!!
Matthew 22:14: Jesus says, "MANY ARE INVITED**, but few are **CHOSEN**!"
Mar 13:20: Jesus says, "If the Lord had not cut short those days, no on would survive, but for the sake of the **ELECT**, whom He has **CHOSEN, He has shortened them!"
{The Lord has shortened the Great Tribulation from 3 1/2 years or 1278 days to 1260 days}
John 13:18: Jesus says, "I am not referring to all of you, I know those I have **CHOSEN**!
Ephesians 1:4-8; 11,12: In love He **PREDESTINED** us for adoption to sonship through Jesus Christ, in accordance with His pleasure and will--to the praise of His glorious grace, which He has freely given us in the One He loves, In Him we have redemption through His blood, the forgiveness of sins, in accordance with the riches of God's grace that He lavished on us with all wisdom and understanding... In Him we were also **CHOSEN**, having been **PREDESTINED** in accordance to the plan of Him who works out everything in conformity to the purpose of His will, in order that we, who were the first to put our hope in Christ, might be to the **PRAISE OF HIS GLORY**!!
I Thessalonians 1:4: For we know, brothers loved by God, that He has **CHOSEN YOU**, because our Gospel came to you not simply with words but also with power, with the Holy Spirit and deep conviction!
I Peter 2:9: But you are a **CHOSEN PEOPLE**, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, God's special possession, that you might declare the praise of Him who **CALLED YOU** out of darkness into His wonderful light!!
Revelation 17:14: They will make war against the **LAMB** but the **LAMB** will overcome them because He is **LORD** of lords and **KING** of kings and with Him will be His **CALLED** **CHOSEN** and **FAITHFUL** followers!! {Riding on white horses right after the Marriage Feast of the **LAMB** as per Revelation 19:7-20!}
Romans 6:23: The wages of sin is death, but the **GIFT OF GOD** is **ETERNAL LIFE**!
God's Word clearly teaches that faith, salvation, the Holy Spirit and eternal life are all 100 percent **FREE GIFTS OF GOD** and that the two main incentives for doing good works is being thankful to God for these amazing **FREE GIFTS** and to **EARN HEAVENLY ETERNAL REWARDS** which God has promised His chosen saints for faithful and loving service. Whereas those who believe in **SINLESS PERFECTION** believe that we have to earn our salvation and eternal life by doing **GOOD WORKS** and being **SINLESS** and that the only eternal reward is gaining eternal life by what we do; and if we commit even one small sin after we are saved we will loose our salvation and eternal life. And so man and not God becomes the Author and Finisher of our salvation.
**BUT WHAT DOES GOD'S WORD SAY**??
**AND SO SALVATION IS 100 PERCENT **FREE** but **ETERNAL REWARDS** are 100 percent **EARNED**!!
Ephesians 6:8: Serve wholeheartedly, as if you were serving the Lord, not men, because you know that the Lord will **REWARD** everyone for what ever good he does!
Revelation 22:12 Jesus says, “Behold I am coming soon! My **REWARD** is with Me, and I will give to everyone according to what he has done!”
Matthew 16:27: Jesus says, “The Son of Man is going to come in His Father's glory with His angels and **THEN** He will **REWARD** each person according to what he has done!”
Luke 11:33,34: Jesus says, "Sell your possessions and give to the poor. Provide purses for yourselves that will not wear out, a **TREASURE** IN HEAVEN** that will never fail, where no thief comes near and no moth destroys. For where your **TREASURE** is, there your **HEART** will be also!"
Luke 14:13,14: Jesus says, "When you give a banquet, invite the poor, the crippled, the lame, the blind, and you will be **BLESSED**. Although they cannot repay you you will be **REPAID AT THE RESURRECTION** of the righteous!"
2 Corinthians 5:9,10: We make it our goal to please Him... for we must all appear before the Judgment seat of Christ, that each one may receive what is due him for the things done while in the body, whether good or bad.
1 Corinthians 3:13-15: His work will be shown for what it is, because the Day will bring it to light. It will be revealed with fire, and the fire will test the quality of each man's work. If what he has built survives, he will receive his **REWARD**. If it is burned up he will suffer loss; he himself will be saved, but only as one escaping through the flames.
How to Win Heavenly CROWNS:
I Corinthians 9:24-27: Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize. Everyone who competes in the games goes in to strict training. They do it to get a **CROWN** that will not last; but we do it to get a **CROWN THAT WILL LAST FOREVER**! Therefore I do not run like a man running aimlessly; I do not fight like a man beating the air. No, I beat my body and make it my slave so that after I have preached to others, I myself will not be disqualified for the prize!
2 John 1:8: Watch out that you do not lose what you have worked for, but that you may be **REWARDED** fully!.
Revelation 3:11: Jesus says, “I am coming soon. Hold on to what you have, so that no one will take your **CROWN**!”
2 Timothy 4:7,8: I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith. Now there is in store for me the **CROWN** of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous Judge, will award to me **ON THAT DAY**—and not only to me, but also to all who have longed for His appearing!
The **CROWN** of Life for those who persevere under trials and persecution:
James 1:12: Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the **CROWN OF LIFE** that God has promised to those who love Him!
Revelation 2:10 Jesus says, “Do not be afraid of what you are about to suffer... Be faithful, even to the point of death, and I will give you the **CROWN OF LIFE**!”
Matthew 5:11,12: Jesus says, “Blessed are you when people insult you, persecute you and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of Me. Rejoice and be glad, because great is your **REWARD IN HEAVEN**!”
Luke6:22,23: Jesus says, "Blessed are you when people hate you, when they reject your name as evil, because of the Son of Man. Rejoice in that day and **JUMP FOR JOY**, because great is your **REWARD IN HEAVEN**!"
Hebrews 10:32-36: Remember those earlier days after you had received the Light, when you stood your ground in a great contest in the face of suffering. Sometimes you were publicly exposed to insult and persecution; at other times you stood side by side with those who were so treated. You sympathized with those in prison and joyfully accepted the confiscation of your property, because you knew that you yourselves had better and lasting possessions. So do not throw away your confidence; it will be richly **REWARDED**. You need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God, you receive what He has promised!
