Hey everybody =) So, things have been a little tense in here lately, eh? On another thread, a few of us have been discussing some ways to alleviate that. But, that thread was getting really long, and a little off-track, and was bumped to the second page... So, here is a new thread. I'll start it off with my ideas on how to get along better. Feel free to add to this list or to modify any of my suggestions!
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1. I think one of the issues with forums is that they lack accountability in that you can say things somewhat anonymously to people. You're not looking at them in the eye. You don't know what kind of day they're having. Your best friend isn't standing next to you telling you that you're being an idiot and need to back off =) For some people, such as me, that's great, because I feel I can be more open. To some extent, that's because I can kinda forget that there's a real live breathing person on the other end of the computer who's reading my words. But, that obviously has a flip side to it.
Perhaps a solution here is to have accountability partners or something of the sort. If someone really struggles with interacting with people appropriately online, then he/she could have a buddy on this site (or even someone like a roommate) who could hold him or her accountable. Maybe even something as simple as asking someone to keep on eye on what you write and send you off a message if they think you're getting out of line.
My ex-boyfriend and I are both in this one Facebook group together, and several months ago, I was discussing something on a thread and evidently not being very nice about it! So, he brought this to my attention. Initially, I was upset that he pointed this out and argued that I was correct in what I was saying. And he said he agreed with me, but that I was totally lacking in compassion and just sounding really mean. So that caused me to really take a look at how I was responding to people I disagree with and I've tried to be a little more compassionate since then. And it was good he pointed that out to me, even though it stung a little, because I wasn't really seeing that myself. Sometimes we really need a second eye looking at what we're doing and giving us a push back in the right direction when we begin to stray.
2. I think if we're angry and really emotional about something we've just read, that it's not a great time to be replying to topics on here. You know the whole take a deep breath and count to 10 thing? I think that can be just as useful online. If you're mad, back away from the computer for awhile. Do something else. Think. Pray. Then come back later to reply when you've cooled off. Or, what I've done sometimes is write out what I want to say on notepad, and then come back in a few hours to read it and "soften" it before actually posting it. A lot of times, when I come back to it, I can't believe how harsh and mean I sounded and am so glad I didn't actually post it!!!
3. Discuss the issue, not the person. That's fine to disagree with someone. In fact, we probably all disagree with almost everyone in our lives on at least one thing. Despite these differences, though, we do have to somehow figure out how to get along together and to "love our neighbours." It's not Biblical to start bashing someone because you disagree with them.
4. Handle conflict Biblically and don't seek revenge. If you're having a conflict with someone that extends beyond the topic being discussed, then send them a message privately to work it out. Don't start threads on here aimed at hurting them, and don't call them names or insult them. Interacting online v. in person does not preclude us from using the Bible as our guideline.
5. Remember that Christians follow Christ. For those of us who follow Christ, we shouldn't feel the need to take sides or to be at war with each other. We're in the same army and we believe in the same God. And the Bible places such a high priority on unity w/in the body of believers (which could be another topic here altogether).
6. Remember that we're all at different stages in our walks with God. Some of us may be brand-new Christians who haven't grown up in the church and haven't read our Bibles all the way through yet. Others may have been Christians for 20+ years and have read their Bible through several times over. If you see someone on here less spiritually mature than yourself, then seek to disciple them v. attacking them.
7. Remember that unbelievers may be reading what we're saying on here. One of my ex-boyfriends was signed up on a Christian dating site and he wasn't a Christian. He just thought that Christian women were nicer (really, he was a predator, but that's a whole other story). My point is that we ought to read our words through before posting them and think of how our words present Jesus to an outsider. If our words aren't pointing to Him, then when need to re-write what we say before posting it.
So, to re-cap here:
1. Have someone hold you accountable.
2. Take a break from posting when you're mad.
3. Discuss the issue, not the person.
4. Handle conflict Biblically.
5. Work towards unity v. discord.
6. Disciple v. attack.
7. Re-write your post if it doesn't point to Christ.
As long as philipjohn calls everything someone beleives "from Satan" or not from god,i doubt many people will post here,not only is this rude and hurtful,but if he was standing in front of me saying that,well,nevermind.....
pixy,I see your point,and I respect it,I spent time in prison and used to fight in bars for fun,I was a mean angry man before god saved me,the doctrines of grace mean everything to me,I didnt come to Christ on my own,he came to me!I still struggle with anger,although Ive come a LOOOOOOONG way,In real life if someone pushes my buttons,I walk away to keep from lashing out,as long as I am called a heretic or from Satan,it will probably make me angry,unless I start taking xanax or something,LOL
First of all, I really appreciate you being so open here about your struggle with anger and I'm really glad that you've made progress in that area.
I like what you said here: "In real life if someone pushes my buttons,I walk away to keep from lashing out."
I think that can be a really effective way to manage anger and perhaps you can translate that into how you interact with people on here. If someone pushes your buttons, make the choice to walk away. Walk away from the computer altogether, or just go to another website.
I read things on forums that make me angry too... doctrinal differences, moral differences... personal attacks... And the temptation is absolutely there to respond immediately and to inject all of my emotion into that response. But I don't think those type of responses point to God. (And I would hope that we can all agree on here that we should be glorifying God!) Rather, I think those types of responses point to pride a lot of times... We want everyone to know that we won't tolerate someone speaking out against us because we're better than that... Or we want everyone to know how smart we are and that we can win a debate. Or we just want to hurt the other person as we have been wounded. None of those reasons are biblical ones!
Matthew 5:38-42 instructs us: "You have heard that it was said, 'An eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth.' But I say to you, do not resist the evildoer. But whoever strikes you on the right cheek, turn the other to him as well. And if someone wants to sue you and to take your tunic, give him your coat also. And if anyone forces you to go one mile, go with him two. Give to the one who asks you, and do not reject the one who wants to borrow from you."
I think this passage can really be an encouragement to those of us (myself absolutely included) who struggle w/ anger at times. It reminds us to remain humble and to not seek revenge or even an argument.
Another helpful passage is Philippians 2:1-11, which talks about how Jesus, in dying on the cross for us, did not cling to His rights as God. Did He deserve better than to be crucified? Absolutely! But He chose to submit to the will of His father instead. Likewise, we must strive to maintain that same attitude and to choose God's will over what we perceive our rights to be.
Here is a Good example Steve, we are to be able to post what believe, our source is the word of God, but you do not believe the word of God, but the word of Calvin, know knowing and believing the word of God to be the truth, would it be good or bad to bring one to the lord by his word.
You see my bible says we are accountable for what we say and do, and faith cometh by hearing and hearing the word of God, the bible says we receive Grace thru faith, so any any other doctrine will produce doubt and the one producing doubt is liable for the unbelief, and the one sowing the unbelief is reponsible to the lord for causing one to Stumble
The bible is clear we are to follow the Apostles doctrine and calvinism does not agree with one point of the word of God.
calvinism is NOT contrary to scripture, it is what scripture teaches, it is arminianism that is based on scripture but has numerous doctrinal issues (serious ones)...a little more calvinism is needed
Amen sister,Love ya,there seems to be a double standard on this website,its ok to bash calvinism,but say something against armininism and your a heretic,or satinist,its utterly ridiculous!
