Thread: Sarcasm, and other funny sayings in the Scriptures
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Sarcasm, and other funny sayings in the Scriptures
Posted : 2 Aug, 2019 09:42 PM
1 Kings
20So Ahab sent [a message] among all the sons of Israel and brought the prophets together at Mount Carmel. 21Elijah came near to all the people and said, "How long [will] you hesitate between two opinions? If the LORD is God, follow Him; but if Baal, follow him." But the people did not answer him a word. 22Then Elijah said to the people, "I alone am left a prophet of the LORD, but Baal's prophets are 450 men. 23"Now let them give us two oxen; and let them choose one ox for themselves and cut it up, and place it on the wood, but put no fire [under it]; and I will prepare the other ox and lay it on the wood, and I will not put a fire [under it]. 24"Then you call on the name of your god, and I will call on the name of the LORD, and the God who answers by fire, He is God." And all the people said, "That is a good idea."
25So Elijah said to the prophets of Baal, "Choose one ox for yourselves and prepare it first for you are many, and call on the name of your god, but put no fire [under it]." 26Then they took the ox which was given them and they prepared it and called on the name of Baal from morning until noon saying, "O Baal, answer us." But there was no voice and no one answered. And they leaped about the altar which they made. 27It came about at noon, that Elijah mocked them and said, "Call out with a loud voice, for he is a god; )(kk9 he is occupied or gone aside, or is on a journey, or perhaps he is asleep and needs to be awakened." 28So they cried with a loud voice and cut themselves according to their custom with swords and lances until the blood gushed out on them. 29When midday was past, they raved until the time of the offering of the [evening] sacrifice; but there was no voice, no one answered, and no one paid attention.
Sarcasm, and other funny sayings in the Scriptures
Posted : 2 Aug, 2019 10:28 PM
"My friends, if I still preach that people need to be circumcised, why am I in so much trouble? The message about the cross would no longer be a problem, if I told people to be circumcised. I wish everyone who is upsetting you would not only get circumcised, but would cut off much more!"
Sarcasm, and other funny sayings in the Scriptures
Posted : 2 Aug, 2019 10:36 PM
"Around noon Eliyahu began ridiculing them: "Shout louder! After all, he's a god, isn't he? Maybe he's daydreaming, or he's on the potty, or he's away on a trip. Maybe he's asleep, and you have to wake him up."
1Kings 18:27
(I think they cleaned it up for sensitive readers by saying "on the potty" lol)
Sarcasm, and other funny sayings in the Scriptures
Posted : 2 Aug, 2019 10:39 PM
The Jews picked up stones again to stone Him.Jesus answered them, “I showed you many good works from the Father; for which of them are you stoning Me?” – John 10:31–32
Sarcasm, and other funny sayings in the Scriptures
Posted : 3 Aug, 2019 05:40 AM
Judges 9: 7- 15
Now when they told Jotham, he went and stood on the top of Mount Gerizim, and lifted his voice and called out. Thus he said to them, "Listen to me, O men of Shechem, that God may listen to you. "Once the trees went forth to anoint a king over them, and they said to the olive tree, 'Reign over us!' "But the olive tree said to them, 'Shall I leave my fatness with which God and men are honored, and go to wave over the trees?'read more.
"Then the trees said to the fig tree, 'You come, reign over us!' "But the fig tree said to them, 'Shall I leave my sweetness and my good fruit, and go to wave over the trees?' "Then the trees said to the vine, 'You come, reign over us!' "But the vine said to them, 'Shall I leave my new wine, which cheers God and men, and go to wave over the trees?' "Finally all the trees said to the bramble, 'You come, reign over us!' "The bramble said to the trees, 'If in truth you are anointing me as king over you, come and take refuge in my shade; but if not, may fire come out from the bramble and consume the cedars of Lebanon.'
Sarcasm, and other funny sayings in the Scriptures
Posted : 3 Aug, 2019 05:45 AM
Judges 10 verses 10-14
10Then the Israelites cried out to the LORD, saying, “We have sinned against You, for we have indeed forsaken our God and served the Baals.”
11The LORD replied, “When the Egyptians, Amorites, Ammonites, Philistines, 12Sidonians, Amalekites, and Maonitesb oppressed you and you cried out to Me, did I not deliver you from their hands? 13But you have forsaken Me and served other gods, so I will no longer deliver you. 14Go and cry out to the gods you have chosen. Let them deliver you in your time of distress.”
Sarcasm, and other funny sayings in the Scriptures
Posted : 3 Aug, 2019 05:50 AM
Matthew 12 verses 23-27
Authority Challenged
23When He entered the temple, the chief priests and the elders of the people came to Him while He was teaching, and said, "By what authority are You doing these things, and who gave You this authority?" 24Jesus said to them, "I will also ask you one thing, which if you tell Me, I will also tell you by what authority I do these things. 25"The baptism of John was from what [source], from heaven or from men?" And they [began] reasoning among themselves, saying, "If we say, 'From heaven,' He will say to us, 'Then why did you not believe him?' 26"But if we say, 'From men,' we fear the people; for they all regard John as a prophet." 27And answering Jesus, they said, "We do not know." He also said to them, "Neither will I tell you by what authority I do these things.
Sarcasm, and other funny sayings in the Scriptures
Posted : 3 Aug, 2019 09:03 AM
Jesus:
" Why do you violate God’s command because of your tradition? 4 God said, “Honor your father and mother. Anyone who curses his father or mother must be put to death.”But you say that one need no longer honor his parents so long as he says to them, “What you might have gained from me, I now give to the glory of God.” Haven’t you let your tradition trump the word of God? You hypocrites! Isaiah must have had you in mind when he prophesied,
People honor Me with their lips,
but their hearts are nowhere near Me.
Because they elevate mere human ritual to the status of law,
Sarcasm, and other funny sayings in the Scriptures
Posted : 3 Aug, 2019 09:10 AM
"When the Pharisees (who were the experts on the law and read the Scriptures for hours everyday) saw this, they said to Him, “Look, Your disciples are doing what is unlawful on the Sabbath.”
Jesus replied, “ >Have you not read < what David did when he and his companions were hungry?....
....> Or haven’t you read in the Law< that on the Sabbath the priests in the temple break the Sabbath and yet are innocent? But I tell you that something greater than the temple is here.
Haha, yeah they read, but Jesus pokes fun at them; "Haven't you read?"
Sarcasm, and other funny sayings in the Scriptures
Posted : 3 Aug, 2019 09:21 AM
**SALVATION IS 100% FREE WHILE ETERNAL HEAVENLY REWARDS ARE 100% EARNED**!!
**SALVATION IS 100% FREE**
Titus 3:3,4: At one time we too were foolish, disobedient, deceived and enslaved by all kinds of passions and pleasures. We lived in malice and envy, being hated and hating one another. But when the kindness and **LOVE** of God our Savior appeared , He saved us, **NOT BECAUSE OF RIGHTEOUS THINGS WE HAD DONE**, but because of **HIS MERCY**!!
John 1:12,13: To all who received Him, to those who believed in His name, he gave the right to become children of God--children born not of natural descent, **NOR OF A HUMAN DECISION** or a husband's will but, **BORN OF GOD**!!
John 6:37,39,44,65: Jesus says, "**ALL** that the Father gives Me **WILL** come to Me, and whoever comes to Me I will **NEVER** drive away... And this is the will of Him who sent Me, that I shall **LOSE NONE** of all that He has given Me, but raise them up at the Last Day.... No one can come to Me **UNLESS** the Father who sent Me **DRAWS HIM**, and I will raise him up at the Last Day!!... No one can come to Me **UNLESS** the Father has **ENABLED THEM**!!"
Ephesians 2:8,9: For it is by **GRACE** you have been saved, through **FAITH**—and this **NOT FROM YOURSELVES**, it is the **GIFT OF GOD**—not by works. So that no one can boast. For we are **GOD'S WORKMANSHIP**, created in Christ Jesus to do **GOOD WORKS**, which God prepared in advance for us to do!
Romans 12:3: For by the **GRACE GIVEN ME** I say to every one of you. Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourselves with sober judgment, in accordance with the **FAITH GOD HAS DISTRIBUTED TO EACH OF YOU**... We have different gifts, according to the **GRACE GIVEN TO EACH OF US**!!
Romans 9:15,16,18: God says, "I will have mercy on whom I have mercy, and I will have compassion on whom I have compassion." It does not, therefore, depend on human desire or effort, but on God's mercy...Therefore God has mercy on whom He wants to have mercy, and He hardens whom He wants to harden. {But God's saints still preach God's Word to everyone}
John 15:16: Jesus says, You did not choose Me, but I **CHOSE YOU**and appointed you so that you might bear **FRUIT**--**FRUIT** that will last!!
Matthew 22:14: Jesus says, "MANY ARE INVITED**, but few are **CHOSEN**!"
Mar 13:20: Jesus says, "If the Lord had not cut short those days, no on would survive, but for the sake of the **ELECT**, whom He has **CHOSEN, He has shortened them!"
{The Lord has shortened the Great Tribulation from 3 1/2 years or 1278 days to 1260 days}
John 13:18: Jesus says, "I am not referring to all of you, I know those I have **CHOSEN**!
Ephesians 1:4-8; 11,12: In love He **PREDESTINED** us for adoption to sonship through Jesus Christ, in accordance with His pleasure and will--to the praise of His glorious grace, which He has freely given us in the One He loves, In Him we have redemption through His blood, the forgiveness of sins, in accordance with the riches of God's grace that He lavished on us with all wisdom and understanding... In Him we were also **CHOSEN**, having been **PREDESTINED** in accordance to the plan of Him who works out everything in conformity to the purpose of His will, in order that we, who were the first to put our hope in Christ, might be to the **PRAISE OF HIS GLORY**!!
I Thessalonians 1:4: For we know, brothers loved by God, that He has **CHOSEN YOU**, because our Gospel came to you not simply with words but also with power, with the Holy Spirit and deep conviction!
I Peter 2:9: But you are a **CHOSEN PEOPLE**, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, God's special possession, that you might declare the praise of Him who **CALLED YOU** out of darkness into His wonderful light!!
Revelation 17:14: They will make war against the **LAMB** but the **LAMB** will overcome them because He is **LORD** of lords and **KING** of kings and with Him will be His **CALLED** **CHOSEN** and **FAITHFUL** followers!! {Riding on white horses right after the Marriage Feast of the **LAMB** as per Revelation 19:7-20!}
Romans 6:23: The wages of sin is death, but the **GIFT OF GOD** is **ETERNAL LIFE**!
God's Word clearly teaches that faith, salvation, the Holy Spirit and eternal life are all 100 percent **FREE GIFTS OF GOD** and that the two main incentives for doing good works is being thankful to God for these amazing **FREE GIFTS** and to **EARN HEAVENLY ETERNAL REWARDS** which God has promised His chosen saints for faithful and loving service. Whereas those who believe in **SINLESS PERFECTION** believe that we have to earn our salvation and eternal life by doing **GOOD WORKS** and being **SINLESS** and that the only eternal reward is gaining eternal life by what we do; and if we commit even one small sin after we are saved we will loose our salvation and eternal life. And so man and not God becomes the Author and Finisher of our salvation.
**BUT WHAT DOES GOD'S WORD SAY**??
**AND SO SALVATION IS 100 PERCENT **FREE** but **ETERNAL REWARDS** are 100 percent **EARNED**!!
Ephesians 6:8: Serve wholeheartedly, as if you were serving the Lord, not men, because you know that the Lord will **REWARD** everyone for what ever good he does!
Revelation 22:12 Jesus says, “Behold I am coming soon! My **REWARD** is with Me, and I will give to everyone according to what he has done!”
Matthew 16:27: Jesus says, “The Son of Man is going to come in His Father's glory with His angels and **THEN** He will **REWARD** each person according to what he has done!”
Luke 11:33,34: Jesus says, "Sell your possessions and give to the poor. Provide purses for yourselves that will not wear out, a **TREASURE** IN HEAVEN** that will never fail, where no thief comes near and no moth destroys. For where your **TREASURE** is, there your **HEART** will be also!"
Luke 14:13,14: Jesus says, "When you give a banquet, invite the poor, the crippled, the lame, the blind, and you will be **BLESSED**. Although they cannot repay you you will be **REPAID AT THE RESURRECTION** of the righteous!"
2 Corinthians 5:9,10: We make it our goal to please Him... for we must all appear before the Judgment seat of Christ, that each one may receive what is due him for the things done while in the body, whether good or bad.
1 Corinthians 3:13-15: His work will be shown for what it is, because the Day will bring it to light. It will be revealed with fire, and the fire will test the quality of each man's work. If what he has built survives, he will receive his **REWARD**. If it is burned up he will suffer loss; he himself will be saved, but only as one escaping through the flames.
How to Win Heavenly CROWNS:
I Corinthians 9:24-27: Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize. Everyone who competes in the games goes in to strict training. They do it to get a **CROWN** that will not last; but we do it to get a **CROWN THAT WILL LAST FOREVER**! Therefore I do not run like a man running aimlessly; I do not fight like a man beating the air. No, I beat my body and make it my slave so that after I have preached to others, I myself will not be disqualified for the prize!
2 John 1:8: Watch out that you do not lose what you have worked for, but that you may be **REWARDED** fully!.
Revelation 3:11: Jesus says, “I am coming soon. Hold on to what you have, so that no one will take your **CROWN**!”
2 Timothy 4:7,8: I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith. Now there is in store for me the **CROWN** of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous Judge, will award to me **ON THAT DAY**—and not only to me, but also to all who have longed for His appearing!
The **CROWN** of Life for those who persevere under trials and persecution:
James 1:12: Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the **CROWN OF LIFE** that God has promised to those who love Him!
Revelation 2:10 Jesus says, “Do not be afraid of what you are about to suffer... Be faithful, even to the point of death, and I will give you the **CROWN OF LIFE**!”
Matthew 5:11,12: Jesus says, “Blessed are you when people insult you, persecute you and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of Me. Rejoice and be glad, because great is your **REWARD IN HEAVEN**!”
Luke6:22,23: Jesus says, "Blessed are you when people hate you, when they reject your name as evil, because of the Son of Man. Rejoice in that day and **JUMP FOR JOY**, because great is your **REWARD IN HEAVEN**!"
Sarcasm, and other funny sayings in the Scriptures
Posted : 3 Aug, 2019 09:35 AM
Sorry Graceworks,
things were going so good and as usual Prophetic 7744 took a big dump right in the middle of it. Well it was fun while it lasted. With prophetic back I won't be posting in this thread anymore - I doubt anyone will now.
