Greetings and blessings to all. I found this article while researching a paper, and I think it pretty well sums up what is wrong with "marriage" and the feminist movement today. We must have God at the center of our relationships, and ALL of us need to treat our spouses with love and respect and we are told to do:
1] Ephesians 5:25 "Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her..."
2] Proverbs 31:10-31 "An excellent wife who can find? She is far more precious than jewels. The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain. She does him good, and not harm, all the days of her life. She seeks wool and flax, and works with willing hands. She is like the ships of the merchant; she brings her food from afar."
3] Colossians 3:14 "And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony."
Here's the article...
Why men won't marry you
By Suzanne Venker Published May 01, 2015 FoxNews.com
(AP)
Where have all the husbands gone?
That�s a question Peter Lloyd tackles in a series in London�s Daily Mail about Britain�s marriage rate, which is at its lowest level since 1895. �The state of matrimony is not just ailing. It is dying out faster than a mobile phone battery,� Lloyd writes. �For an army of women, Mr. Right is simply not there, no matter how hard they look for him.�
Things are no better this side of the Atlantic. According to Pew Research Center, the share of American adults who�ve never been married is at an historic high�and men are more likely than women to have never made it down the aisle (23% vs. 17% in 2012).
There was a time when wives respected their husbands. There was a time when wives took care of their husbands as they expected their husbands to take care of them.
What gives? Why are men here and abroad avoiding the altar in spades?
1. Because they can: Men used to marry to have sex and a family. They married for love, too, but they had to marry the girl before taking her to bed, or at least work really, really hard to wear her down. Those days are gone.
When more women make themselves sexually available, the pool of marriageable men diminishes. �In a world where women do not say no, the man is never forced to settle down and make serious choices,� writes George Gilder, author of "Men and Marriage."
Scoff if you wish. Call me a fuddy-duddy. But how�s that new plan working out?
2. Because there�s nothing in it for them. What exactly does marriage offer men today? �Men know there�s a good chance they�ll lose their friends, their respect, their space, their sex life, their money and � if it all goes wrong � their family,� says Helen Smith, Ph.D., author of "Men on Strike." �They don�t want to enter into a legal contract with someone who could effectively take half their savings, pension and property when the honeymoon period is over. Men aren�t wimping out by staying unmarried or being commitment phobes. They�re being smart.�
Unlike women, men lose all power after they say �I do.� Their masculinity dies, too.
What�s left of it, that is. In the span of just a few decades, America has demoted men from respected providers and protectors of the family to superfluous buffoons. Today�s sitcoms and commercials routinely paint a portrait of the idiot husband whose wife is smarter and more capable than he.
There was a time when wives respected their husbands. There was a time when wives took care of their husbands as they expected their husbands to take care of them.
Or perhaps therein lies the rub. If women no longer expect or even want men to �take care of� them � since women can do everything men can do and better, thank you very much, feminism � perhaps the flipside is the assumption that women don�t need to take care of husbands, either. And if no one�s taking care of anyone, why marry?
For women, the reason is obvious: kids. Eventually most women decide they want children, no matter how long they put it off to focus on their careers. So they often nab the best guy they can find, usually the one with whom they�re currently sleeping, and convince him to get married.
If the man refuses, we call him, as Smith notes, a �commitment phobe.� But is that fair? Perhaps these men know all too well that women initiate the vast majority of divorces � anywhere from 65-90 percent, depending on demographics. And when they do, they take the kids with them and hang hubby out to dry with the help of a court system that�s heavily stacked in their favor. In the past, Mom got the kids because she was home with them doing the thankless, unpaid, mountainous work associated with that role. Today, neither parent is home, so there�s no reason the default custodial parent should be Mom.
You have a lot of researches there and I agree most are evident now. You might agree or disagree and can even say I am not realistic somehow. But you probably were missing something. Marriage is a union and we all know that. It is just sad that most are getting married by lacking perspectives out of it and yes indeed later on, resulted to divorce or separation. And yes I must admit, I am one of those who got separated from my husband. Though we have different stories or reasons of whys and hows, �a lot of it� but still the bottom line is - couple separate ways.
Again may I say this again marriage is union. A union that not only of body, property, task, mind, and everything are put together as one. but we also all know, it doesn�t stop there. As quoted in your post, elaborating qualities, I agree both have responsibilities. It is just sad that responsibilities are taking individually and not as one, setting boundaries as �men should do this� and �women this�. But of course no one will ever agree with me if I say �men should do birthing too� right?
You ended your post �So remind me, why would a man marry today? And, No, really. What�s in it for him?�
This is not a reminder though but a question to all men too. Why marry and why look to what is it in there? Have you deeply consider that women are seeking same questions to?
I am separated. With 2 kids and after such separation, what is left in me are all the responsibilities being a dad and mom, and on the issue of becoming a man still to my children? So, if I will be allowed to go back from being single anticipating this hardship. I think I should consider too not marrying at all. And, I am not bringing this topic as to be favored by custodial act. I received nothing even a single cent and not filed any for support. You may call it on a contrary as pride. Maybe some may think I got high salary or business running to. Here�s what, not at all�just a teacher who works on private schools whose contract expires every six months.
I think it�s not about responsibilities sir or even an obligations. It is sharing, support, and acknowledgement. Serving one another not in thought of what will I gain out of this but I do this because I am happy doing this. Thus the affection is genuine not a burden. Colossians 3:14 as quoted �And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony."
A speaker once i heard it is not even complimentary but supplementary.
From Proverbs 31: 11-30 it enumerated the qualities of a good woman being a wife. 20 beautiful verses but suggest thousands of tasks. For a woman without a lot of strength to do all of these, how men will imagine her? Truly�her beauty shall fade.
Prov 31: 23 � her husband is known in the gates, when he sitteth among the elders of the land�. What this mean today? Is it literally sitting in the office and yes making money for the family? Is this all about it? Thus, Ephesians 5:25 also says "Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and GAVE HIMSELF up for her..." How men love women when most of his priority/time is� work, his pleasure, sport, friends, or his treasure or just being he? Let me not be bias though that woman does the same thing too living in this modern world, setting mountains of standards and rights as you mentioned "feminist" (no one is exempted men, women, single or not)
Ponder with this story too.
There was a couple who claimed they love each. The man has a good work and a very good provider to the family.A wife so supportive to his husband and takes care of the children so well. The husband is an accounting manager. At the office with a lot of works and pressures, running the department as well, he brings his works at home. Good thing the wife knows stuff being an accounting graduate and helps his husband often. In return, whatever the wife asks, shopping, vacation, money, the husband provides so well. It seems so perfect. One time the husband asked the wife, why spends so much? Agitated, the wife responded, �haven�t I working hard? Cutting the story, soon they separate ways.
So what went wrong? Is it being a good provider? is it the wife being greedy? Is it the husband often brings his work at home? Is it about exhaustion?
No! Is it allowing it all to happen. Then, Who�s to blame then?
I saw an article lately too with a title �I will not love again� curious.. so, I start reading it. To my surprise, my heart melts when the writer elaborated the experience (not sure if the writer is man or a woman, stating anonymous) I can�t recall everything but here�s it suggest. Love is so pure and divine just to be corrupted by lust, jealousy, despair, selfishness, etc., and curious still, when righteousness is a part. (Being guided so well by the word of God as they claim, untouchable by sin) at the end the writer suggested to stop loving when you are just turning it to hate.
Reminder to all, not excluding me�Marry for right reasons and not of issues.
Probably� we can all definitely answer the question What�s in it for him or her� all by ourselves.
That's a really good and informative article. Thank you.
I would say to your question,
What Is In It For The Man, is that, as the Word says...
It's not good for man to be alone (in the same breath, it's not good for woman to be alone)...Gen 2:18. We need companionship. Not just companionship but loving companionship. And in the right way in G_d's eyes, if one is a Believer. Our Lord commanded us to marry, not just live together. Personally, I am very heart broken because I had to walk a way from a man I so deeply loved, he professed to be a Believer in the beginning of our relationship but over time I realized he truly wasn't. And he ultimately, he didn't believe in marriage.
So to your question, What's In It For Him...If a man wants to live a devoted life to our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, to have a pure and clean conscience, and hear, upon Christ's return, "Well done good and faithful servant" then this is the prescription for a, blessed of G_d relationship, that is right and pleasing in His sight.
Several points marriage should not be based on what the guy loses but what he gains.
Being a positive person I look for the best in relationships. Marriage is a joint union to help each other in the good and bad. To have 1 sex partner not many.
It is harder to catch some kind of transmitted sickness to have sex with one person.
Marriage can be fun bring up kids. The man does not lose half of his belongings get married.
Well said. I am hoping the Admin posted that article to get a discussion going and not because Admin agrees with the article. There is so much to be gained in marrying for both partners, including a mate who is growing in Christ right along with you. Roles may have shifted some since the 50s, but the truth and right of a good marriage is still to be valued.
I agree HisWillHisTime. An open discussion would be helpful.
Times have changed, economic's have changed and options have broadened with the internet, chat rooms and dating sites. Who's to say that people don't commit these days because they think someone better is just around the corner, that working hard at a relationship is just too hard when one can experience falling in love over and over. And when the high wears off, simply find someone new thanks to all the new options via the internet.
