As Christians is it wrong to desire and be with someone that we're attracted to?
Posted : 11 Jul, 2014 04:50 AM
I've been asking myself this question for a while now,
"As a Christian is it wrong for us to desire someone that we're attracted to?"
I've asked a few Christians this question and some of them agree while others disagree.
I get sometimes approach by men who like the way I look and want my number to take me out. I'm always polite about it but my attraction towards them is not the same, so I don't give them my number because I don't want to waste their time.
I've been told often to go out with these guys because "they would treat me so good" but I refuse to do so, because that is such a SELFISH reason to be with someone.
If a man treats you like a Queen because he's in love with you, you should also treat him like a King because you love him. Its selfish of us to receive and not being able to give back because we don't feel the same way about that person.
Its also wrong of us to take advantage of someone because they like us. But sometimes it seems like some people like being taken advantage of, for the sake of being in the company of the person they like.
And why is that I feel I'm being judge by others because I don't want to be with a guy that I'm not attracted to.
The same way someone gets butterflies when they sees you it's the same way you should get butterflies when you see them.
Sometimes it feels like in this society it's ok for guys to go for women that they're attracted to, but when a woman does the same, she's being picky or shallow or she must settle with any guy because her biological time clock is ticking.
The way I see this, if someone is not attracted to you, there's always going to be your prince or princess out there, so stop forcing yourself to prove that, you can treat them like a king or queen, but what you also need to realise, is that YOU should be treated like the king and queen that you are.
Before I get any sort of judgement, i like to state I am NOT shallow, because I've got to know guys that are my type but they were not Christian and for me that's a deal breaker, I also got know guys that are my type, they were Christian but we were not compatible, just because two people are Christians doesn not mean that they're compatible.
I believe that when you meet the love of your life it should be PURE love, I don't know if it's right for us to Pray to love a partner because they love us.
Would God give us someone that we're not attracted to?
So brothers and sisters I just want to know your views from this subject.
As Christians is it wrong to desire and be with someone that we're attracted to?
Posted : 12 Jul, 2014 01:27 PM
I think that, like most things in life, it's at least partially about striking a balance. It's a balance between attraction to someone physically and spiritually. We exist as a being in three parts just as God does. However, whereas God is Father, Son, and Holy Spirit, we are body, mind, and spirit. If we are so divided in how we feel about a partner, then we will probably always find ourselves feeling as though something is missing. That's when we find ourselves, even as Christians, susceptible to temptations to cheat or do other things that can hurt ourselves, our partner, or even others around us.
As Christians is it wrong to desire and be with someone that we're attracted to?
Posted : 16 Jul, 2014 09:08 AM
Wow. Covenantbrother, you just nailed it. I can't believe you are all of 25. So discerning and deep.
I personally think "attraction" is definitely important. However, as my pastor says, "true love" is more important.
For a long time I wondered what true love really meant... and I came to realize true love is when you take away the attraction from it and you still find yourself in love with the person and vow to stand by them through it all (with warts & all).
And that kind of love is essentially "spiritual" in nature. And a love that births in the spirit would live on, just as the spirit lives on. But I also believe it is possible to stay attracted to the same person for the rest of your life as long as two people are yielded to the Holy Spirit.
As Christians is it wrong to desire and be with someone that we're attracted to?
Posted : 17 Jul, 2014 01:20 PM
I really liked that question you put out there on the blog and wanted to just talk/write about it if I could.
To me the definitions of "love" and "like" in this society are suppose to be shallow. What I mean is that most of our desires are shaped by TV/Media and Society,
Music Videos, etc..
The same society that often times (more likely than not) has there beliefs steeped in ungodliness. We are knowingly or unknowingly
shaped by the ungodly or godless world we live in.
So, long story short, when we are born into a world that is predicated on beliefs from Satan then we would have a non godly view of
relationships to begin with. 1 Foot in the dating hellfire so to speak...
So for example, say you were born again in your late teens/twenty's/thirties, etc. Your formative years have already been shaped
by this society and your standard of "beauty" or "attraction" would have been set. So when you become a christian and, for example
read the book of Hosea.
How, when God commands the Prophet Hoseas to marry a prostitute named Gomer and after time she would cheat on Hosea over
and over (because she was a prostitue that didn't really know God) and God would go on to command Hosea to love her and take her
back. (http://www.gotquestions.org/Hosea-marry-prostitute.html). This website goes into a lot of details in how it was, although real and happened in history, is a
type of metaphor.
Hosea's relationship was a like a symbol, as he was a prophet of God and represented isreal and would basically play out the relationship between
God vs. Us(unfaithful) - Hosea vs. Gomer(unfaithful).
So my point in bringing this (above) example up is that I think about a married couple and even-though they might have experienced the very rare: "love at first site" or been each others "soul-mates". There would come a time or times or many times, that satan would test this relationship, especially if it was God based. With the sunshine comes the rain and it's predicted that there would be many seasons of life between them when they both would not feel "in love" or even in "like" for each other.
Arguments, silent treatments, jealousy, fear of infidelity. I can imagine that if 2 people are completely satisfied with each others looks/attitude, etc. How long would it be before another women/man tries to split the two with lies/flirtation/gossip or the like? Because if your looks are there and your attitude is there, that would make you attractive to many other people. And not everyone excepts a gentle "no thanks" or "not interested". I think they make alot of TV shows surrounding what happens when people try to break other people up because of jealousy/envy. So its fair to say both of them would need to be strong. Demons/Evil Spirited People would test and try this kind of relationship.
So the outward appearance or "my type" would not last the test of time because the type of character and fortitude that both people would need to have would
be tested beyond the shallow externals or temporary courting phase when you are just getting to know each other (first 1-3 years or so.)
But this type of character preparing would not be the "worlds" focus. I trust that the world has tried/tries to focus me on the lust of a relationship and not the long term struggles and character building that it takes to keep it together. Or more importantly the forgiveness/patience it takes to move pass hurtful mistakes that we ALL make. Hours/Years of prayers for the other person and yourself to help overcome issues that look like a "deal breaker" is usually silent on the TV programming/media/society were we spend alot of our time.
I think the worst thing was the "night in shinning armor, or the luther vandross/love songs type of dream that so many women have because perfection only is with God, man can only make less mistakes but will one day hurt you, even if by accident. 2 Corinthians 5:16 "Wherefore henceforth know we no man after the flesh: yea, though we have known Christ after the flesh, yet now henceforth know we him no more."
Jeremiah 17:9.
But it's that is how we were created, to error and work to get to the kingdom of Heaven. Perfection would only make our spiritual life void and heaven would not be a prize/goal. It would be a "given".
I think both people need to be generally attracted to each other but that should not hold them back from getting to know someone. Also if your looking for someone you have to be praying about it, so that God can show you a person that your spirit needs, not just your flesh.
As Christians is it wrong to desire and be with someone that we're attracted to?
Posted : 11 Aug, 2014 03:08 AM
Wow. I really like what you said on this post. Especially about preparation, patience and forgiveness, and about having romanticized ideas about marriage (I have been guilty of that in the past..but the Holy Spirit has been molding me in this area for sometime now.. and now after reading your post, I gathered some more valuable insight. Thank you for this. I am going to save your post cuz I would need to be reminded of this often, especially as I prepare myself for that special man. :).. )
And the metaphoric analogy between Hosea's relationship with his harlot wife and our tendency to be unfaithful to a faithful God you spoke about reminded me of something I often think about...
I am not sure if you have ever been married before but the kind of wisdom and deep understanding you already have about marriage is going to be a major blessing to your future wife. :))
Thanks for this lovely post. May you find that special woman God has created for you soon if you haven't found her already.
As Christians is it wrong to desire and be with someone that we're attracted to?
Posted : 4 Oct, 2014 03:55 PM
What is attraction? In my opinion it is a preprogrammed idea of a thing we like. Many people are visual and therefore their visual preference leads them to make the first decision as to whether or not to engage. I am visual.
Then there are the persons who say they are attracted to intellect but this can only happen if you engage another in a conversation. Take for instance a person who is considered a geek. How the person dress and their deportment is a factor in determining the engagement. It happens at a subconscious level. I think intellect is more of a stimulant that deepens the attraction.
I have found that on-line dating can be difficult, again because people are visual. Despite this being a Christian dating site people still segment themselves. Most people don't engage if there is no photograph. Ethnicity may play a factor, country of origin, it may be tall and handsome, pillow bear and sensitive, petite and pretty, voluptuous and beautiful, plain and simple. Authenticity is a weight applied by the individual which in their judgement is a good guestimate of the truth. Being truthful does not guarantee that you will be viewed as authentic and therefore lessen the possibility of engagement.
Lets be honest. For one thing, Christianity means different things for different people because different people have different value systems. People take either their non-Christian experience with them and tailor their Christian belief to meet their former expectations. For example, If we say there is but ONE GOD and if the Kingdom of GOD is one Kingdom, one people through Christ, why should ethnicity matter? A person who grew up in the church/Christianity or a new convert with great passion and enthusiasm to serve the LORD may modify their beliefs and preference based on doctrine, wrong or right. So for them what I call phraseology becomes a very important part of their attraction and how spiritual or non-spiritual the person sounds, but again visual trumps all most of the time.
The basic tendencies of most women to be attracted to power, physical, financial or other has not been lost on this site either. The truth is, the detection or revelation of emotional and spiritual power/strength can only be realized after over time, so only speculative calculations are made at the outset based on the individual prior experience. The same happens with men, whether its attaining the "trophy partner", sexual motivation or the home maker syndrome - wash, cook, clean, etc. In the movie, "think like a man" there is a scene where the question is posed to one of the women, "if you make six figures already, own your own home, drive a high end car why do you need a man who is also making six figures and the rest if there is a man out there who will just love you for you?". If you are already super attractive woman why do you need a man that will be competing with you or material things to justify who you are?
So we must first realize that we are all imperfect beings with our own flaws and nuances. The question is are we open to GOD's plan or we are steadfast to our own plan.
It is said that the divorce rate amongst people calling themselves Christians is now higher than the average of non-Christian marriages.
So what is realistic, if we are all Christians seeking the same goal which is to worship GOD in spirit and in truth? The premise here being that we are all being honest people. My belief is that it still comes down to our deep rooted value system and physical preference. At the end of the day, if your priority is your career, or financial advancement and my priority is family and church, no matter the physical attraction their will be friction. Enough friction to cause an atomic fraction and a splitting of the atom from one to many. The right balance of personality types may also assist in more successful relationships.
I have been told several times by women that I have met either through work or social engagement that their first impression of me is that of a "nerd". That impression quickly fades as we interact and they get to know the true me, not the perceived image. It may be the intellectual side that shows up in my physical features I suppose. And I am sure there are many more accounts like mine.
In the final analysis, just be real and true to yourself and ultimately to GOD. He has given us the power of choice. How we use it is completely up to us. He will guide the process but only if we allow Him to.
As Christians is it wrong to desire and be with someone that we're attracted to?
Posted : 17 Oct, 2014 12:26 PM
All sounds a bit complicated, if you want to go out with a Christian from church give it a go, you don't have to go out twice if it doesn't work out. If not don't...
I've never given a lot of thought to what others in church think as they aren't in the hot seat, I think as an adult it doesn't take a lot of working out.
As Christians is it wrong to desire and be with someone that we're attracted to?
Posted : 25 Dec, 2014 07:36 AM
well I think that there should an element of attractions , others wise later on you will fight with it and you will star wonder why you married him in the first place.
I once bought a pair of shoes , half way on home I was asking my self why did I buy them I do like it, I took them back and changed them for some I liked.
So at the end of the day its a bit been attracted to some one. people for get that we are still living on earth its not all about been spiritual, we are still visual and physical.
when Adam met eve I am sure he did not say I wonder if she prays for five hours or dose she hear the lord.. he said wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooomannnnnn. lol lol
As Christians is it wrong to desire and be with someone that we're attracted to?
Posted : 3 Feb, 2015 11:47 AM
To OP - Great post.
It's not wrong to desire and be with someone that you are PHYSICALLY attracted to. I put the word physical in there because it's what people see, gravitate towards.
Looks are very important for anyone. Body comes a close second. When you see someone whose looks are what you dream off, of course you will be attracted to that. It's not wrong because its only NATURAL of you to do so.
Natural. We are programmed to feel that way. That's natural, as a human being - without spirituality involved. If you are looking for a life partner (someone you will say till death), then let God take control. Earnestly praying, God will actually give you someone that is right for you. They might not look like that rnb singer or the tall guy from work, but if God deems them fit, it will work. Remember God knows your heart's desire.
However, if we follow our natural instincts - I would say you should always go for the person you are attracted to. As you said earlier, it is SELFISH to go out with someone just because they can support your lifestyle, they have a job, etc. Believe me it hurts for someone to tell you that they were giving you shade because you were a few pounds overweight. It hurts...real bad. Talking from experience lol.
As Christians is it wrong to desire and be with someone that we're attracted to?
Posted : 9 Mar, 2015 12:30 AM
I don't know about you Speaking but I was definitely NOT shaped by culture when I was growing up. None of us were if you really want to break it down. More than anything we learned what kinds of propoganda to become resistant to.
Everyone's 'standard of beauty' is their own. Some guys like big girls, some like twiggy ones, some guys like dark brown eyes, some guys like blue. The bottom line is each person considers different people attractive, and each of us is different in our looks. Even on the purely physical level attraction is variable.
There is the kind of attraction that grows in time, and there is also the instant kind. It's not shallow to turn down those who are unattractive to you, it is wise to do so. Like another pointed out, if you're not attracted to them then it will complicate things and make temptation all the easier to be effective. If you think there is a possibility attraction will grow with time, consider a few dates and see if anything comes of it. If you find them overall unattractive though don't.
