I've been married to one man who was a Christian, and it's really a shame the marriage didn't work out. I knew I could trust him. I knew he loved our kids. When he loved...he loved with his whole heart, and knew it was love. Not a crush, not lust, it was true love. That was an equally yoked marriage. However, things happen, married couples grow apart..he does his thing, she does hers...he's walking in the door from work, she's going out the door for work. Arguing. He was and is a good Christian man.
Then I was married to a man who claimed to know the Lord, but didn't bear the fruit that you see in a true Christian. There was no trust from the very beginning of the relationship. Then why did I stay? Well you know the saying...if I only knew then what I know now. I had never been alone. I had never lived on my own. Part of me, the emotional side of me, was afraid to be alone. Then he came along. Wow..was I fascinated with him. For the life of me I don't know why. He was shady from the beginning. But I thought he was the coolest guy around. One thing I did know about him was that he loved my kids. But it wasn't enough. If he had loved me enough, and if he had loved my kids enough, he wouldn't have given me the choice to leave and if I didn't, he would. I couldn't afford the bills on my own. He couldn't afford to pay my bills and his from a new place....and he knew what I would have to do. He knew my parents would let me move in with them. He didn't "know who he was anymore." Well I found out who he was/is. He was not to be trusted. How could someone who is supposed to love you kick you out of your home, knowing that's where my kids had to stay when they came to see me? In essence, he kicked all of us out. Is that love? Mm, I think not.
Unequally yoked is being separated (so he could figure out what he wanted)...and then going back only to find a "friend" of his there. Sometimes his "friend" AND her three kids. In my home, when I wasn't even welcome there. Being unequally yoked is a knock down drag out fight (only in words) and his friend leaving and telling him maybe they shouldn't be friends....oh, the kicker is that he looks at me and says, "I just lost a friend." Unequally yoked is me saying, a friend??? You're about to lose your wife!!
Being unequally yoked can be devastating. It can be pure hell...when your soon to be ex husband tells you his "friend's" husband shot and killed himself partly due to thinking his wife and my ex were having an affair. Being unequally yoked causes grief, heartache, and all kinds of devastation, not only to the married couple who will divorce, but the two families. Her family...his family...who your kids have just started getting to know..who the kids have just started calling "Grama and Grampa", only to lose them. It's having their step dad of 8 years just up and leave their lives. What about them??? Do what you want to me. Whatever you feel evil enough to do...but DON'T mess with my kids. When it comes to my kids I DO NOT play.
And finally, being unequally yoked is having sooo many questions about things the ex was accused of doing, or was thought to have done...and not having a shred of proof as to whether he did them or not. It's walking out of a marriage with no closure, and lots of unanswered questions.
But I know a Man...I know a Man who can. It's the Lord Jesus Christ. He's a heartmender to the brokenhearted. He gives strength to the weak. He is our comfort in our time of need. He is Jehovah Jira! He is the Holy One! He's the Lily of the Valley! He's the Prince of Peace! He's the Lord of Hosts! He is Emmanuel. He is God with us! He's the King of the Jews. He is the Word. He's the Life. And He's Alpha and Omega, the Beginning and the End!
Old heartache and trials in life bring us to a better place. And God knows it. He knows it all...you can see His plan in action. You can see God moving, and in your mind you can see the path He is leading you on to literally change your life. See??? The pain is UNBEARABLE sometimes, and we feel like we will never be happy again. But if we let the Lord lead us and guide us, He will lay our future right out in front of us...kinda like the "yellow brick road.".... Just follow Him. His path, not ours. All the bad stuff we have endured, HE has brought us TO.....and HE HAS BROUGHT US THROUGH!! He is our only hope in this life for happiness of any kind. I can't fathom God's love for me, even though I've heard about it in church since I was little. It's amazing to hear how Jeus loves me. And you!! He suffered pain that we as humans will never know. And He did it for us. Any hurt we have felt, any shattered lives, any physical pain, mental pain...He has felt it. I've sometimes thought I wonder if the Lord was ever depressed or anxious. Read about the time right before Jesus was taken to be crucifed. Can you imagine the grief, and stress, he went through? He didn't want to go through that pain. But He did. So that we could be in Heaven with Him one day.
So is it important to be equally yoked in marriage? Yes. Yes I think it is.
Let me ask if either of the two of you have been married? If you haven't, then you don't know what can happen in some marriages. Holding out hope, no, the Bible doesn't say "growing apart" is a reason for divorce. No, love isn't just a feeling. The two of you seem to have assumed that I was the one to initiate both divorces. I wasn't. They did.
I did take vows with my first husband. God knows BEFOREHAND what is going to happen in peoples' lives. He knew I would go through divorce twice. Was everything I did right in the site of God? Nope. Sure wasn't. But God knew what was going to happen, and now He is using those situations to bring about His perfect will in my life. I will be in a better place because of what has happened in my life. Sometimes we go through some rough stuff for God to get us where He wants us.
I'm truly surprised that your two responses were geared more toward divorce and not the entire situation. The responses should have been related to how good God is. About His forgiveness, His mercy, and His grace to those who fall in their Christian walk, and how He picks us up and puts us on our feet again. In your Christian walk you may want to be a little more compassionate toward others if you are to lead them to the Lord.
"Let me ask if either of the two of you have been married? If you haven't, then you don't know what can happen in some marriages"
It's not true to say that someone has to have been married or they don't know what can happen in marriages. I'm not sure how you came to that conclusion.
"The two of you seem to have assumed that I was the one to initiate both divorces. I wasn't. They did."
I assumed no such thing. I responded to this, "However, things happen, married couples grow apart..he does his thing, she does hers...he's walking in the door from work, she's going out the door for work."...where you said that you were equally yoked but simply grew apart...as if that were an acceptable reason for divorce.
"I did take vows with my first husband. God knows BEFOREHAND what is going to happen in peoples' lives. He knew I would go through divorce twice. Was everything I did right in the site of God? Nope. Sure wasn't. But God knew what was going to happen, and now He is using those situations to bring about His perfect will in my life. I will be in a better place because of what has happened in my life. Sometimes we go through some rough stuff for God to get us where He wants us."
God knowing that you were going to get a divorce is really irrelevant. God knows everything before it happens. I wasn't condemning you for getting a divorce. I took issue with the mindset of "It's a shame we just grew apart". If you have repented, you are forgiven...and there is no need to defend your past actions.
"I'm truly surprised that your two responses were geared more toward divorce and not the entire situation"
I think it's fair to say that divorce was a large part of the entire situation, correct? I take no issue with people having gotten a divorce. We all make mistakes. I just take issue with someone giving a defense for it.
"The responses should have been related to how good God is."
God is great, but defending divorce doesn't magnify God's goodness...I think you would agree.
"About His forgiveness, His mercy, and His grace to those who fall in their Christian walk, and how He picks us up and puts us on our feet again. In your Christian walk you may want to be a little more compassionate toward others if you are to lead them to the Lord."
I do take compassion on you for the situations you have encountered in your life. However, having compassion does not mean turning a blind eye when someone tries to excuse sin. As I said, if you have been forgiven of sin and move on, there is no need to defend it any longer.
I'm sorry if this comes off as harsh. However, you are judging in the same way...by telling others exactly how their compassion should be dished out towards you. Their can be compassion in correction. As Paul Washer says, "The one who loves you the most is the one who tells you the most truth".
I can see where it looked like I was defending divorce, and I apologize if that's the way it came across.
In no way was I trying to defend divorce or my past actions. I wasn't trying to say growing apart is a reason for divorce.
You are correct in saying there's no defense for sin. That wasn't my intention at all.
I was defensive only because of the way you stated your response. Perhaps if I had heard of your compassion in that response I wouldn't have gotten defensive. Compassion is a very admirable quality in a person. I'm sure God sees that in you! :)
I never want to fail to magnify the Lord. My post was not to make excuses for divorce, or sin. My intention was to share my experience about an equally yoked marriage and an unequally yoked marriage. And it was to share what I have been through in those situations because the sting is still there.
Thanks for taking the time to read my initial post. God bless you too. :angel:
My father physically and mentally abused my mother. She stayed with him. When he cheated, she divorced him and was free to remarry. She remarried in 1973, and remained married until 1990 even though they had "grown apart". (He threatened to physically assualt my brother because he was angry with her). Why did she finally divorce her second husband? She found out that he had married 3 other women since their seperation and had not bothered to divorce any of them. She is also free to marry again. Although, she has stated that no man she has met is worthy. But she remained married, and faithful, for 17 years.
Divorce is never a good or pleasant thing and God does hate it. He also says it is only permissable if there is unfaithfulness. Now with that said, this does not mean that we have the right to talk badly about someone or judge them. Truely we do not know what went on in someones marriage. I personally was married to an unbeliever, I was not a believer when I married him I became a believer after we were married, but he was very emotionally and physically abusive. After many years of praying and trying to get him to go to counseling I felt I had no choice but to divorce him.I also felt that God released me to do so. Now some may believe this was scriptually sound while others will say no absolutley not you should have stayed in that marriage. So I guess my point is who is to judge what is correct and what is not except for God himself. Before casting rocks you really should take a look at your lives. No one sin is worse than another.
