Author	Thread: how do i open up and trust after abuse
Admin	how do i open up and trust after abuse Posted : 18 Feb, 2011 07:27 PM Outside of Christ I've had 3 relationships, 2 of which were abusive physically in more ways than I care to share. I had a baby in January 2010 and came to know Christ. I met a man who I knew was the one God wanted for me.....long story short, when my baby was 5 months old this man started putting chemicals in my baby's eyes and fractured 4 of her bones. I want more than anything to be married and loved but I am so petrified of men. I've been single now for 6 months but I'm afraid to get hurt physically and emotionally. Any tips on how to stop being afraid of men? I can't make eye contact or look at a man because I'm petrified he is going to yell and scream at me or reach out and hurt me....any suggestions???? Post Reply
View Profile History	how do i open up and trust after abuse Posted : 19 Feb, 2011 07:03 AM Hello hairstyler, I would suggest that you take this time to get closer to God. Let him heal you from your past hurts. Don't worry about finding another man during this process. Just concentrate on healing and raising your daughter. He will let you know when it's time again. Until then, you should hang out with us here in the forums. :) T Post Reply
View Profile History	how do i open up and trust after abuse Posted : 19 Feb, 2011 09:14 AM You didn�t specify how you got into these relationships that you had, whether you found them on your own, or someone else recommended them to you. If you picked these guys, then it sounds like you are not able to choose good men on your own. Really, the best way to be healed is to find a good husband who will love you. You have to get out there and try again. But, I am not one for doing it alone. I would recommend that you try doing a courtship, where you find an older male who is willing to be there for you, and protect you. If your father is not a Christian, then I would ask around and see if there is anyone in the church that would be willing to be your protector. Many people mistake a courtship as being similar to an arranged marriage, but it is not. The main difference is that the man, if he wants to go out with you, should first ask the protector for his permission. The man will be responsible to the protector for how he conducts himself around you. The protector should be a wise man and hopefully will be able to weed out any bad men. It�s not a guaranteed process, but if you keep picking bad guys, then it would be a good option. There are several books on courtship, but the one I have read is Joshua Harris�s �Boy Meets Girl�. By the way, if he had done that to my little baby, either he would be in jail, or they would never find him. Post Reply
View Profile History	how do i open up and trust after abuse Posted : 19 Feb, 2011 06:32 PM Like T said earlier, you need to let your heart heal and draw closer to God. But I would also recommend that you go for counseling or speak to other women who have come from abusive pasts. Sometimes being able to talk about things that have hurt us, allows us to heal and forgive. It will also give us a different perspective oh what we should be looking out for. Post Reply
View Profile History	how do i open up and trust after abuse Posted : 19 Feb, 2011 07:05 PM Welcome back, Kat!! :D :applause: Post Reply
lela_dawn View Profile History	how do i open up and trust after abuse Posted : 19 Feb, 2011 07:06 PM Hairstyler, I'm so sorry you are hurting. After my divorce 5 years ago, I rebounded into a relationship that was extremely abusive. I was with this man for over 2 1/2 years. I can't say that I know exactly how you feel, but I can relate to your pain. I agree with the poster who said that you need to take the time and let God heal you. In my experience, we tend to find and connect with people who are in the same place emotionally that we are in. If we are damaged, we will connect more easily with other damaged people. Those types of relationships can be very unhealthy, abusive, codependent, etc. When you allow yourself time, God will be able to work in your life. Instead of wanting someone else - the wrong someone - to fill your needs, God will fill that hole in your life. When you have reached the point where you feel fulfilled, then you might be ready to add someone else to your already joy-filled life :) When the right man comes along, it might still be hard for you to truly open up; we all have walls that we hide behind, even if some of those walls arent so obvious. Just pray. God has a plan for you and for your family, and even if you can't see it now, it will be ok. Post Reply
riveroflife1 View Profile History	how do i open up and trust after abuse Posted : 20 Feb, 2011 05:54 AM there is book called "healing the wounded spirit" by John Sandford..excellent book, I highly recommend this book for you. River Post Reply
View Profile History	how do i open up and trust after abuse Posted : 21 Feb, 2011 12:45 PM When I read your post, I felt such sorrow for your pain, yet joy in your choice to follow Christ! I am with Miss Kitty on this one...but I would like to suggest you work through a church. If you don't have one, I think that should be first on your list. Finding a supportive family in Christ is essential to your growth! Then, seek counseling and care for you and your baby through this body of Christ. I would also like to recommend a terrific book: Boundaries by Dr.'s Cloud and Townsend. "Welcome" is NOT written across your face! Post Reply
Fruitcaked View Profile History	how do i open up and trust after abuse Posted : 24 Feb, 2011 08:00 AM Hie hair stylin gal. Smile because you are alive. Look around God gave you another chance at life. Being single helps you spend more time with God. So make the most of it. You sounds very discouraged so I suggest a few things. First of all I think you r beautiful so say it to yourself. Smile again!! Now I want you to be aware of the fact that God has a purpose for you in the life. The pain you went through of abuse was probably bad but now you need to set up some kinda gig to reach out to abused females or males( humans that is). I know pain and wudnt wish it on anyone. Smile again!!! Me and 7 billion other people could disappoint you but God never fails you not a single time. Count your blessings one by one. You have a child and you are saved. Don't live a defeated life. The devil wants you confused and sad and low esteemed so you end up doing something dumb and hurt yourself or hitch up too soon. I fully understand what you are gong through. Time to move on and see the blessings God has in store For you. Don't delay. Smile now!!! Have a blessed day And stay in touch and keep s posted. Without faith it's impossible to please God as He is a rewarded f those who diligently seek Him. Quit cryin and believin the devils lyin. Smile again now pick yourself off the ground And pray and smile and read the bible and just say thank you. Let's not have a pity party when God is on our side. I am an encourager SO GET UP NOW AND BUST A MOVE. DO SOMETHING DON'T JUST SIT THERE DOWN AND YET STILL NOT OUT. SMILE. Good luck :dancingp: :bouncy: fight ma dear fight like this. :boxing::bouncy: Post Reply
View Profile History	how do i open up and trust after abuse Posted : 24 Feb, 2011 12:50 PM Don't blame yourself. Live your life. Do what you want. Follow your heart. Make mistakes. Learn from them. Post Reply
View Profile History	how do i open up and trust after abuse Posted : 3 Mar, 2011 11:41 AM When you meet another man, try to get a good sense of his character from the start. Try to notice how he talks to you and what he says. If he comforts you when you are in any kind of pain, whether it's physical, mental, or emotional, it could be a good sign. I was in a relationship before which my now ex-girlfriend was raped twice and had two children as a result. I did my best to comfort her and make her feel good about herself. Eventually I figured out that I lacked the stregth to be her man and she likely used me anyway. I mean she got engaged to another man about two weeks after I broke up with her. She then broke the engagement off but that's another story. My point is when you are ready find a man who will comfort you but who also has a lot of strength. Any time your partner has a really dramatic past, you have to be able to handle it. I have been there and it is not easy at all. I tried my best and I honestly couldn't do anything. But if a man makes the effort, like I tried to, that says a lot about his character. Post Reply

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