Author	Thread: Utterly devastated
Admin	Utterly devastated Posted : 10 Nov, 2010 04:46 AM So I met someone back in January on a different christian dating site. It was long distance but he reallly made the effort to make sure we saw each other. We talked every day.I met his family he met mine etc. He had really become my very best friend. He was going through some very difficult legal stuff with custody/visitation stuff and I was there for him with all of that intervening with prayer and support. He asked me to marry him and of course i said yes. We had to figure out details of who was moving where, jobs, etc. 4 days ago he tells me that the relationship has become a burden to him and that he needs time to heal from this so could we just be friends????!!!! Talk about being blindsided? I am sitting here in utter shock and devastation. Now the conversation that led to this statement is this in a nutshell: He called me, I had to call him back. No answer. Hopped online, saw him on facebook. Messsaged him. No response. Messaged again. No response. Just normal message, Hey sweetie, tried to call you. Give me a call kind of stuff. So I text him later. No response. In the morning, I get online to check my messages. He signs on. I say good morning sweetie, how are you feeling(he hadnt been feeling well) no response. I call him and leave message, hey are we OK wondered what was going on that you are ignoring me. I wont keep calling or texing i will wait for you to call and let me know if things are ok. No response. 5 hours later he calls, stays on phone about 3 minutes, says he is really sick and sounds like he is going to throw up. I tell him to go and get some rest and call me when he is feeling better. Hour later he is on facebook. So I ask him if he is feeling a little better, responds no. So i say thats awful why arent you resting? Suddenly the ship quickly sinks. He replys what do you mean by that. I reply sleep.LOL says he slept all day and never speaks to me again. logs off and tells me through a text he is tired of being treated this way and that I accused him of being a liar and a cheater. I never said anything like that at all. I still have no clue what the heck he is talking about. Not sure how a question are we ok translates into you are a liar and cheater? He told me he I have caused him to turn cold toward me and that he needs time to heal from this and can we just be friends. Men????? Is this an admission of a guilty conscious?? On a side not, we did have a conversation earlier in the week where he told me that when he is online playing games, on facebook, etc, all the convos he has with women (hello? why talking to strange women online? lol) turn to a sexual nature. I responded that I wasnt sure why that was because I hadnt experienced that. I asked him why he thought that happened. He got a little bothered that I had asked him why he thought that happened? Have tried to keep nature of relationship as close to scripture as possible but it did anger him ( although he is a christian) that I wouldnt allow him to live with me if we werent married and that the sexual aspect of it had to be kept in check as well. We had our struggle in that area and it wasnt easy. He told me that he didnt share my feelings on feeling guilt of sexual relationship with him outside of marriage, although he told me when we first met that I had to understand that we would not be having sex unless we were married and that he didnt drink or smoke. I was really relieved but he didnt stand on that conviction and he told me I was hurting him by rejecting him. So anyway i know this is long but I just dont understand how one person can devastate another person so abruptly and never look back. Quote scripture all day long and then do this. Maybe his statement that I accused him was really an admission of guilt? I just need support from christians through this. I am just broken. I really thought that God had brought me this man. Right now it is so hard to even pray about it because it just hurts. Thanks guys for reading this lengthly post. Post Reply
SilverFire View Profile History	Utterly devastated Posted : 10 Nov, 2010 03:41 PM Wow, that's awful. I feel for you -- I really do. It's going to be rough for a while, because you're dealing with what emotionally feels like a death, but here are some words of comfort: you won't be doing so alone. Even in our darkest hour, God is there, and He will see you through. What's going on here is that he made a sexual advance and you rejected him (which is what you should have done). He then is blaming you for making him turn cold, when in fact, he has a lust problem. A guilty conscience? Perhaps. It seems very likely that he was talking inappropriately to other women and possibly engaging in some sort of online sexual relationship. (It's fairly easy to fall into.) The root of all this, however, is his inability to control himself sexually, and his inability to take responsibility for his actions. Post Reply
View Profile History	Utterly devastated Posted : 11 Nov, 2010 06:28 AM I'm sorry you were hurt! I know it is a lot to deal with but be glad this happened now and not after you married. I know that's not much comfort but truly you are better off!! Just tell yourself, you deserve better than that and you do!! Post Reply
4Ruth1Boaz View Profile History	Utterly devastated Posted : 11 Nov, 2010 11:12 AM I am very sorry. I am sure you feel devastated. But you will be alright with God on your side. I am telling you this from experience. You will be alright! Give time for yourself and hold on to God. He will help you to heal. I say a prayer for you. Post Reply
View Profile History	Utterly devastated Posted : 11 Nov, 2010 08:31 PM God really loves you! he did you a favor to remove a guy like that from your life! I know that right now its like an ''ouch" moment but trust when i say its the best thing for your life. God has somebody for you! dont worrie your so beutiful he has somebody that will value you! and honor you! so all this is not a fail, its really a win! Post Reply
i_live_in_canada View Profile History	Utterly devastated Posted : 12 Nov, 2010 02:03 PM She is gone. Too bad and I hope all is well. I know a non member can view the forums so if mykidsmom65^ does read this I wish you well. Unfortunately people can let you down. I can take a long time to get to know a person and even then they can surprise you. My heart goes out to you in your time of pain. It will get better in time and you will look back it with new insight. God bless and may he send you a good man. One that you can love and trust. Post Reply
View Profile History	Utterly devastated Posted : 5 Dec, 2010 04:47 PM She is gone... Poor thing... Post Reply