Author	Thread: Was this wrong of me?
Admin	Was this wrong of me? Posted : 26 Jul, 2010 06:43 PM My parents are getting divorced, and I have been trying very hard not to pick sides and be supportive of both my parents. But in the past two weeks I have had several major fights with my mom, mostly about my dad, and the last one went through the entire weekend. I am just tired of her telling me that my doesn't care, that he doesn't love me, and that my grandma thinks I am lower than pond scum. She says that she needs someone to vent to and she wants to vent to me. I don't want to be the one she vents to though, because it is destroying me on the inside - and I even told her that. I told her that I don't want her to vent to me, or talk about what my dad or grandma think of me, or about the divorce. And because I don't want to talk to her about anything, I can't talk to anyone else about it either. She doesn't really have any friends, and she doesn't think she needs them. So far she has ignored everything, and she said she doesn't ignore people. Was I wrong in telling her not to vent at me? Post Reply
springrose10 View Profile History	Was this wrong of me? Posted : 27 Jul, 2010 03:03 PM Honey, I'm so sorry for what you are going through! What you did is called boundaries, and it is not a sin. If you treated your mother respectfully and in an "honorable" manner, you need not have regrets. If you were not loving and honorable in your actions, you may own her an apology for your delivery, but you may tell her that your limitations stay. As a divorcee, I worked hard to not put my daughter in the middle of any drama or court battle. Your mother is hurting. That is understandable, but it doesn't give her a right to lash out at you with cruel and hurtful words. She may think that she is venting, but she is not. She is in reality sinning against you. Please suggest that she get counseling or call your local hospital for information on a local divorce recovery program. You may want to see if there are any services that might help you deal with your parents as well. For any of you divorcees that may be critcizing your ex to your children on a regular basis, please take heed of Katie's words. You may think that you are helping them face reality, but you are only hurting them worse. If she is feeling this conflict and pain as a young adult, think what is happening inside a small child. You may think that your ex doesn't deserve mercy, but your child sure does. If you don't extend mercy, your child will never believe that God is merciful - especially fathers. Take comfort in your Abba Father Katie! Darla Post Reply
ksbswe View Profile History	Was this wrong of me? Posted : 12 Aug, 2010 01:34 PM I agree with what Darla said. Let me go further though. Your Mom should not be airing dirty laundry and emotions on you. Right now she is hurting and lonely. She needs your love and support now, but you do not need to pick sides as it appears she is asking you to do. Show her loving support as a daughter, and encourage her to reach out to others. www.divorcecare.com is a great place for her and you to seek support and advice. Let her know that you are part of both your Mom and Dad and that you love them equally. I am sorry that you are having to go through this. May God give you strenght and comfort. Ron Post Reply
roeroe View Profile History	Was this wrong of me? Posted : 14 Aug, 2010 11:06 AM KatieKatie... This is RoeRoe... You have the absolute right to set your boundries!!! It didn't sound like your mom was just venting....by what you've said, there was lots of criticism and hurtful things being said. No one deserves that. Divorce is a very rough...roller coaster for everyone involved. Never, Never forget that God Loves You, and you did NOT cause the divorce. And always remember you are a unique creation of the Lord.....grow in your walk with Him and you will come thru with flying colors.... May angels surround you sweetheart! Post Reply
roeroe View Profile History	Was this wrong of me? Posted : 14 Aug, 2010 11:12 AM Katie Katie.... I just want to add your mom needs to seek help and support. I know, since I was divorced after 20 years of marriage. She is in a lot of pain...Pray for her. But do not be a punching bag! That will not help her, and it will only deepen all the pain... RoeRoe Post Reply
ben315 View Profile History	Was this wrong of me? Posted : 22 Sep, 2010 11:56 AM No you are not wrong. Sure it is sad about the divorce, but she shouldn't put you in the middle. If she needs someone to vent to she could always do it to her friends. Post Reply
View Profile History	Was this wrong of me? Posted : 4 Oct, 2010 07:43 PM No, when I got divorced, the court made us go go counseling and that is a BIG thing they stessed that, if you have children, don't put your spouse down to your children, don't argue with your spouse in front of them, etc. Your parents problems are between them.You still need to maintain a good healthy relationship with both your parents, so you don't need to be subjected to one of them putting the other down. Post Reply
cowgirl1984 View Profile History	Was this wrong of me? Posted : 7 Oct, 2010 11:30 PM Your parents divorce has nothing to do with you so there's no reason for you to be in the middle. Your mom is in the wrong, and you were in your rights to ask her to stop talking to you about it. Separate yourself from it. Stick to your boundaries, whatever it takes, provided of course that you don't dishonor her and remain respectful. But you may need to be more assertive about it. Pray for her. In fact, the next time she starts to talk to you about it or "vent" to you, ask her if you can pray with her. She'll either say yes, and you can pray with her that she finds a good friend or counselor to help her through this difficult time and that she would heal, which is a great step toward changing her heart, or she'll say no, and then either she will end the conversation or you can. It's important for your sake that you don't get involved or dragged into the drama. But praying for and/or with her never hurts. Post Reply