Thread: Learning to believe in the goodness of life again...
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Learning to believe in the goodness of life again...
Posted : 29 May, 2010 11:48 AM
My marriage collapsed under the weight of Narcissistic abuse and although I've been separated from her for several years, I'm only beginning to regain a sense of completeness, balance and restoration.
I'm learning to believe in the goodness of life, yet at times I need to summon a great deal of inner strength to override my defective co-narcissist lens.
I like to think of journaling as a quiet space to help me unravel the confusion, grief and pain. I used to rely on realtime personal interactions to exam and review my story only to realize N abuse is something too alien for most to understand. It produces an insidious trauma few can comprehend, so I hesitate to share that part to others like I used to. I get more mileage on paper.
Anyone out there have any experience with Narcissistic abuse?
Learning to believe in the goodness of life again...
Posted : 29 May, 2010 02:49 PM
Soulful,
I will have to look that term up and see exactly what it is, but I want to let you know that whatever your hurt or damage is, God is more able to heal.
My short testimony. My ex is a police officer. We became saved at a early point in our marriage. Being an officer changed him right before my eyes. What was once a gentle soul became hardened and cynical. He became mean. He never hit me (or I would be writing from the pen) or anything, he just was no longer nice. He started to backslide at the same time I was growing leaps and bounds and had an affair with another police officer (woman).
God has healed me from the devastation. This works, for real.
1. Worship first. Sing to God to usher in His presence. "Enter into His presence with thanksgiving and His gates with praise".
2. Tell God EVERYTHING. Hold nothing back. He sees you like an open book anyway. Tell him the stuff you would never verbalize to anybody.
3. Ask Him to come in and heal your heart "Healing is the children's bread". Healing is a small thing for God.
I have had the best, most awesome experiences, just me and God in the dark, laying on bed, hurting but giving it up to Him, trusting that he would not hurt me, but love me like no one but He can.
I feel a burden for you and I'll be praying in intercession for you as well.
Learning to believe in the goodness of life again...
Posted : 4 Jun, 2010 02:42 AM
Soulful,
Thank you for your Honesty. I have read your posts and you have a wonderful "voice".
Narcissistic personalities will go to exteremes to provide just what you are looking for...to tell you just what you want to hear...and once you commit to them -- they begin to change.
They can do no wrong...they do not make mistakes and they expect you to affirm to them that they are Perfect. Although usually once they have won your affections (and proved to themselves that they can get anything they want) you are Disposable.
Their problems are caused by YOU! You are the reason they are having problems, because they are Perfect and they do not make mistakes!
Eventually you begin to wonder if there is some truth in their accusations and wonder if you trully are as messed up as they say you are.
Again, I want to thank you for your very relevant posts and for your transparent honesty. I look forward to read more from you.
Learning to believe in the goodness of life again...
Posted : 18 Jun, 2010 04:55 AM
Hi Soulful,
I appreciate your genuine spirit. I can relate to what you have said in your profile.
I would like to recommend a book written by Frances J. Roberts called, "Come Away My Beloved". I don't know if it is still in print because I happened upon it many years ago. You will recognize Scripture references in it, it is an unusual book, in that, it is written as if it were coming from God directly. That put me off at first, but I found it to profoundly impact my life. I typically prefer pure Bible reading but I have found this book to be the ONLY devotional type book that I have enjoyed. It has helped me to see and feel God's immense love.
Another book that I also found to be extremely valuable in the healing process is written by Dr. Hemfelt, Dr. Minirith and Dr. Meierand it is called, "Love is a Choice". I think the title may be misleading, but the book is powerful to those that have felt beaten up emotionally. It explains what has happened, and also how to get beyond the damage of that and to a healthy place.
These two books coupled together have dynamically changed my life. Of course both point to God and God is the One who brings the change but the info in both have guided my thinking and lead me to a place better than I have ever been in before. I've never been so happy before in my life, except when I was a young child and I had a great family supporting me.
My best wishes to you. Others reading this, check out those books, they may help you as they have me.
Learning to believe in the goodness of life again...
Posted : 18 Jun, 2010 09:12 PM
Hi Soulful,
My ex has 3 personality disorders. Narcissism is one of them. I cannot private message you because of your age limits. If you have any questions about my experience, I'd be willing to try and help any way I can. My settings will allow you to message me.
Time is on your side. Life does get better. I've been separated for 3 years and divorced for 2. Life is just starting to develop a new "normal."
The Psalms were great for me. Unlike Arch, most people don't realize that a narcissistic spouse actually sets themselves up to be your worst enemy. When the person who took vows to love you for better, for worse; the person that you are supposed to be one with; the person that said he loves the Lord with all of his heart... becomes the #1 person that you have to protect yourself from, a "breech" in trust is an understatement.
I still get blindsided by "triggers" that cause knee-jerk reactions. They get farther and farther apart. Recently, I have met a gentleman who does understand the repercussions of being married to (in my case) a borderline sociopath. He is bending over backwards trying to prove that he is trustworthy and to do whatever it takes to make me feel safe. With God's help, the support of friends, much prayer, and God's perfect timing, you will start seeing the light at the end of the tunnel and will start feeling deep laughter from within once again.
As awful as it was, I've had to make myself look back at times when it had to be God's presence with me "or"...it would/could have been even worse. And, God has led you here for support.
Learning to believe in the goodness of life again...
Posted : 18 Jun, 2010 09:27 PM
P.S. God's army is the only one that shoots their own wounded. I've had waaaaaay too many Christians tell me that it's my own fault for marrying a sociopath in the first place, that if I was in God's will, He would have revealed it to me. People with personality disorders are pathological, skilled liars. Couple that with the fact that we know God allows severe trials to enter committed believers lives... reject those lies. Satan is still at work trying to keep you defeated. I've had 3 psychologists (1 with a masters & 2 with doctorates) and 1 psychatrist (all Christians) tell me that it is impossible to know that someone has a personality disorder prior to marriage without a complete mental evaluation, and nobody ever asks a fiance to do that - maybe HIV or VD, but not an MPI eval.
