Thread: not exactly a broken heart, but just wanting to know why........
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not exactly a broken heart, but just wanting to know why........
Posted : 12 Jul, 2008 12:13 PM
Hello. My name is Dwayne. I have been with christiandatingforfree.com for a while. I'm the kind of guy who has known rejection in the past, but I have been through a lot of healing and mind renewal through Jesus. My only question to all of you out there is this.......why does it seem that American women do not correspond, read their emails, or reply back to my emails? It seems like I get correspondence from foreign ladies.
I am trying not to stereotype American women, but I am by the same token not interested in a long distance relationship with a woman who does not live in the United States. That's my personal preference.
I am not perfect, and I don't always do the best job of taking initiatve to communicate with people. But I understand that communication is a two way street. I assume that if there are ladies who create a profile with this internet dating ministry, that they would be somewhat diligent to correspond.
I realize that many people lead busy lives, but if that is the case, they should carefully consider whether or not that this ministry will be suitable for them.
I don't have much of a life, so I obviously have time on my hands to email people. It's just that after having been on different Christian forums for a good while, it gets old when I am almost always hearing from women who live overseas. I am a part of another religious epalsl/dating ministry to which at least 98% of the people who email me don't live in the United States, and the ones who do are volunteers from that ministry and send me something about helping to keep that ministry free by doing a survey.
I am doing my best to not allow myself to be persuaded that most American women are just plain stuck up. And it is not good Christian ethic when I can see that they have read my emails, yet choose not to correspond back, and then I have to send them another follow-up email just to bluntly ask them if they are interested in emailing me or not.
Does anyone else out there feel what I do? I am 36 yrs. old, and have never dated in my life. I understand that if I am happy being single, I will be happy being married. But I also understand that faith without works is dead, so I am doing the best that I can to cooperate with God. However, I get a little distraught at how American Christian women are. I wouldn't want to come right out and send an email to some lady and say "I have had misfortune in attempting to break some ground with other women and believe at this point that Chrisitian women play too hard to get. I hope you would be able to prove me wrong and let me know what's going on.."
Maybe it's just me, maybe it's not. Again, I am not the best when it comes to communicating by email. I probably do better over the phone or in person. But the issue I have is that I have no family where I live, and it seems like there are no charismatic churches in the area that have a singles ministry. Tell me your thoughts. God bless.
not exactly a broken heart, but just wanting to know why........
Posted : 12 Jul, 2008 09:45 PM
Hi Dwayne...
Personally, I think it is courteous to reply to an email whether you are interested or not. But yet if a woman doesn't respond to one of my emails I don't necessarily view it as rudeness, I just move on.
Women will not respond for a number of reasons. "Stuck-up" is not one of them. They don't respond because they are not interested or just because they are busy. They are a lot of single moms, professional women, etc. on this site that don't login to this site as often as you may.
If a woman doesn't email you back, just move on. You will just frustrate yourself if you try to determine if that person is interested or not. Don't send a "follow-up" email asking if she is interested or not. If she didn't reply to your first email, what makes you think that she will reply to a follow-up?
As for foreign women contacting you, I read awhile back that foreign women use dating websites to meet american men to achieve the goal of leaving their country to come to America to "live the better life". Sounds like you may be apart of this.
not exactly a broken heart, but just wanting to know why........
Posted : 15 Jul, 2008 01:15 AM
Whatever you do, don't take it personally. There's probably a lot more behind it than you know. Some women are probably a little nervous about the whole online dating thing, and yes, even though they've been so bold as to become a member and provide a profile, maybe there are a LOT of emails they don't respond to because they're scared of starting something that may go a little too fast for them, because once you respond, its like you're in a relationship, obligated to continue the communication even if you're not interested. Women are noted for not always knowing what they want and there are some of us who don't enjoy leading people on but are also too nice to be able to say "No thanks." so ignoring seems on the surface like the least cruel option, although it may not be. Just be patient. If someone doesn't respond, then it wasn't meant to be. Wouldn't you rather THE woman respond than have to wade through a bunch of courtesy emails and later have to break it off with all the ladies when you are "taken"?
not exactly a broken heart, but just wanting to know why........
Posted : 16 Jul, 2008 07:27 AM
Dwayne...it is a common courtesy to respond back to an email...most pple on here thk im a racist cause I prefer white males to blk. But tht is not it.
And God has gave me strenght and gotten me thru alot and I still have more to do. And a broken God can mend...I have been on here only a week and I'm beginning to question the fact of why I joined Guys don't want someone real and geniune they want superficial...and I'm not saying all guys r like tht. but trust is my biggest thg. But good luck in your search and not everyone here is like u thk...some just dont have manners.
not exactly a broken heart, but just wanting to know why........
Posted : 23 Jul, 2008 03:08 AM
To my brother Dwayne,
My heart goes out to you, sweetheart. If you do choose to use a website like this, I would say to tweek your profile a little. Show them your upbeat side and what you would offer to the woman - some romance, set the scene of what you would picture as a special time to impress them. Bate the hook a little, it's okay and not being dishonest. Women love a romantic scene.
Your profile is all a person has to go by to know you. Your photo is blury and discolored, the glare is on your glasses so it looks scarey! Not a good first impression. They can't see your expressive eyes which is very important to a girl. Also, since you are a musician - you might have a photo up also that shows you doing your craft. Your other photo is quite nice and should be the dominate photo if you have no others.
On the issue of sending and responding to messages. I admit I have not responded to all of mine, just from being busy. I respond more to notes than winks or favorites. I do know what it is like to have someone be rude on this site, so I agree with you that we should all respond back with a kind word. If you are sincerely not interested in someone, be Christian-like in your response. It seems we are all re-learning how to write letters and respond to people via the written word. Manners? That may be completely foreign to some people. Do your best to not take it personally - God is just quietly closing the door to those people.
not exactly a broken heart, but just wanting to know why........
Posted : 4 Aug, 2008 02:51 AM
If it makes you feel any better, it's not just women who don't respond. I've tried to message back everyone who's sent me an email, and even if I'm not romantically interested I try to make it an opportunity to make a new friend. Some of the men (even ones who've messaged me first!) don't respond back. Not just ignoring the messages, but flat-out refusing to speak. It's not only rude, but hurtful. You'd think people on a christian site would be more mindful of the feelings of others...but there you are. I honestly sympathize with you and anyone else in a similar situation, but I feel like anyone worth being with is someone who's not fickle enough to discard your emotions so easily. I hope you find your Special Someone Just For You, and remember everything happens for a reason.
not exactly a broken heart, but just wanting to know why........
Posted : 4 Aug, 2008 05:02 PM
Hey there focused on God, Just Cause, sweet70, Deborahe, Heidi017, and LunaTuna77, thank you all so much for all of the responses that you have posted. You all gave such wonderful advise and insight. If any of you would like to be epals with me, you can feel free to fire off an email with me. I have updated my profile recently from the feedback some of y'all have given. Please keep me in prayer as I am currently unemployed and am seeking work. I am drawing unemployment compensation currently, but of course that doesn't last forever!!!!! LOL :dancingp: but I am enjoying the journey of this "summer vacation" I've been having! LOL :yay:
A lot of what has helped me to deal with singleness and the pains that accompany it has been a prayer couseling ministry. I can tell you more about it if you want more information. God bless and take care.
not exactly a broken heart, but just wanting to know why........
Posted : 5 Oct, 2008 12:49 PM
Dwayne, I'd have to agree with you on all this. I've had the same situation, I mean I don't think I look amazing... but I think I'm rather decent. It's a far cry from me a few years back when I thought I was absolutely repulsive.
I think it has something to do with all dating sites, I've tried two others before this one, and it's pretty much the same results. It's just like shooting in the dark. It's a bit depressing, but it's good to have hope that someone might just message me one day.
I believe God will come through for me in this area when it is necessary, do not fear - just have faith even when there is no reason too - that's the greatest test of faith there is.
