Author	Thread: Marriage is definitely NOT the way for me to go
rachel1208 View Profile History	Marriage is definitely NOT the way for me to go Posted : 8 Jan, 2010 03:02 PM I have been married and divorced 3 times now. My first husband (who is the father of my 2 beautiful children) was very neglectful of me and mentally abusive. He always made me feel like I was stupid and useless. So after a 10 year marriage (12 years together total), he filed for a divorce. I didn't think I'd be able to make it, and that's when my 2nd husband stepped in. He took over and "made everything better". We had been married about 4 months when he beat me up one night. I left and didn't look back. My last husband put me on a shelf like a toy, a trophy wife. He only wanted to seek me out when he was down or lonely. After 9 months of living this way with him, I left. I filed for divorce and he wanted a 2nd chance. So I tried to work things out with him and he treated me the same as before, after only 2 weeks of being with him again. After this, I have decided that marriage is just not something that I am capable of anymore. Does anyone disagree? Or do you have any uplifting scriptures? My heart has been broken so many times and I've been used and abused. I feel like I am the only person in this world who understands how it feels... Post Reply
View Profile History	Marriage is definitely NOT the way for me to go Posted : 8 Jan, 2010 04:56 PM You cannot deny that there is a "pattern" to your marriages. There are no patterns in Nature...God does not use a cookie cutter. Patterns are man made. I think that it would be a good idea to look back at what was your criteria in selecting your husbands. It would seem that there is a shortcoming there, which needs to be addressed. Three mistakes does not mean that a fourth is coming, but it is a possiblity if the same methods are used again. I am not placing blame, just pointing out that patterns can be changed. You certainly need to think about what your choices in men have been and why? You should have a very good idea of the "wrong" type, just look for the opposite or just not the same guys. Keep trying...you deserve to be happy. Steve Post Reply
View Profile History	Marriage is definitely NOT the way for me to go Posted : 8 Jan, 2010 05:32 PM dear rachael, welcome to the forums.. i think if you learnt anything from your past marriages then you will be better prepared for your next ones.. no one should be done like you was.. beat on.. theres no escuse for that.. you deserve much better.. try to choose more carefully or even if you never get married again and have boyfriends , if you dont choose more carefully theyll do you the same way... for some reason you keep choosing abusers or folks that just dont really give a hoot.. you got to walk away from them kinds.. at the slightest hint of being that way.. run girl run.. there are good ones out there.. just look closer at them.. and take your time.. you deserve the very best for you.. treat yourself that way.. ole cattle Post Reply
rachel1208 View Profile History	Marriage is definitely NOT the way for me to go Posted : 9 Jan, 2010 12:02 PM Thank Ole Cattle. :) Post Reply
liv2luvudeeply View Profile History	Marriage is definitely NOT the way for me to go Posted : 9 Jan, 2010 01:50 PM Rachel, I work with men who have anger issues, and we use a course by Dr. Paul Hegstrom called Lifeskills. He wrote a book entitled "Angry men and the women who love them". I highly recommend this book to anyone, and it will help you see and identify patterns that lead to abuse, including whirlwind courtships, hard pressing for marriage, and other manipulative and controlling behaviors. I also think this material will minister to your heart and give you confidence that you will be able to see these things before they happen in future relationships. Whether you intend to marry again, you will have future relationships. I pray for total healing in your heart and encouragement that there are Godly men out there who can walk out Ephesians 5:25, and love you like Christ loves the church and laid down His life for her. It's a matter of time and HIS timing. Blessings T Post Reply
View Profile History	Marriage is definitely NOT the way for me to go Posted : 9 Jan, 2010 08:22 PM You aren't alone. Many of us here have had our heart broken. You did not deserve the treatment you got. I have two scriptures for you that have helped me: Colossians 1:29 Remember, it is in the strength that God gives us that we go on and Philippians 3:12b - 14 Don't dwell on the past -- don't stay there. Strain - press on - reach for the goal that your heavenly father has for you. He loves you and wants only the best for you, sister. Post Reply
View Profile History	Marriage is definitely NOT the way for me to go Posted : 13 Jan, 2010 06:45 PM Hi Rachel, You definitely need time for God to heal your heart and mind. It's a journey that you will be on daily to go forward and God does make it easier. but be careful that your heart does not harden, it's very important that you surrender all the hurt to Him. You may not want to hear this yet but you will need to forgive them both, you will be amazed at how free that will make you feel. Know that God is close to the broken hearted. (Ps 34:18) He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds. ( Ps.147:3) who else would you rather have than your heavenly Father right beside you, helping you through this time. He knows what it is like to be rejected. He suffered and died for a world that still rejects Him, He knows what your going through. He is near, waiting on you to ask for help. The healing will come, it takes time. Just focus on your young ones who need you and Focus on your relationship with the Lord, before you know it, this whole thing will be a part of your past and you'll say "I remember when..." It will turn into a ministry for you to help other women through a difficult time such as this. I also wanted to say it is better without a significant other in your life during this process. It's all about you and the babies right now. Blessings, Jennifer Post Reply
View Profile History	Marriage is definitely NOT the way for me to go Posted : 22 Jan, 2010 02:07 PM i think if you want change you cant do things the same way and expect a different out come. this was from a pastor preaching on relationships. i dont think you should give up on marrage. anyway i wish you the best of luck Post Reply
View Profile History	Marriage is definitely NOT the way for me to go Posted : 25 Jan, 2010 10:54 AM dear robert, welcome to the forums. ole cattle Post Reply
Cutenu2 View Profile History	Marriage is definitely NOT the way for me to go Posted : 25 Jan, 2010 04:45 PM Beloved Sister. I know only too well what you've been through. I could say alot of things, but I would only be repeating the great advice everyone else here gave you. The criteria I've decided to use is 1Corinthians chapter 13. Really read it. Take it to heart. This is a great checklist of what love really is. If someone can't walk in love for you or their fellow man, run the other way. Yes, run, don't walk. Don't let loneliness guide you because our hearts are deceitful, as evidenced by the many of us fabulous Christians that have been married and divorced. Take your time precious one. You're fabulous! Walk with your chin up because Jesus is the lifter of your head!:yay: Post Reply
View Profile History	Marriage is definitely NOT the way for me to go Posted : 25 Jan, 2010 05:27 PM dear cuten ,,, welcome to the forums.. and amen ole cattle Post Reply