The story began with me speaking with someone over ventrilo (like a chat room where people can speak) while playing the popular MMORPG better known as World of Warcraft. After finding out she was single and interested in long distance relationships, I started to talk more with her wanting to try to get one started. There was a short time in which we were unable to speak due to being in different guilds, so I had a plan so that we could still learn more about each other. And that was 10 questions that we would want to know about the other person. So I took the time to send her the message, and after time she replied to it. Using my unique talent, I sent her a poem to her based on her answers.
Since that time, I had written her a poem (ok, here is the thing with me writing her poems. Some people will write love letters, but I write love poem because they say exactly how I feel) almost once a day or maybe once every two days. It wasn't until 2 and half months when I later learn she really wasn't ready for a relationship. So I wrote her a poem on how I still wanted to be friend and would be there for her and would wait for when she is ready.
Fast forward a bit. I later found out that an "old" friend who she had a relationship before, but due to certain circumstances was cut short. I later found out, that she was waiting to see if he would return before commiting to another relationship. It was also at that time, in which my heart was actually broken. Even though there was no real relationship, I felt that I loved her.
I tend to be emotional sometimes, but with the unique talent that God gave me, I am able to write poems very well. But sometimes to truly express myself, I have to write it in a poem.
Below is a poem I wrote when I found out about all this, and I shared it with my pastor. I will tell you the response after the poem.
I'm in a emotional roller coaster
Going up and down all the time
And I don't know what to think anymore
My heart has been crushed
For I have lost what I hold dear
I should be glad for the one I loved
For someone from the past
That she loved has returned.
And their old feelings have come back.
I try to say back an not interfere
Because I still care for her
But I can stop my feelings
And still constantly think of her
For she was what I dreamed and hoped for
But that is now all gone, and may never happen
How can I wish one thing then think another
How can I wish happiness for one
When it brings me sadness
For I know if I did try anything
To cause things to go my way
By ruining the things that he brought back
And she found out about these things
She would hate me for this
So I cannot do any of that
Because I still love her
And still deeply care for her.
Now I return to my ride
And trying to get off at the next stop.
What my pastor told me is that I can't go hating someone for this, and that God has a better plan for me. Which I do now believe since I am taking a greater hold on my life. Interestingly enough, that night was the night that I had decided to quit playing that game. It had destroyed me inside, and also effected my social life.
But now I am over her, and she is in the past. I am looking forward to the future, and trying to find myself someone who will love me for who I am. I'm sorry if this message was a little long, but it needed to be to explain the cause and effect of it.
Hey thanks for sharing squirrel, and welcome to the forums. It's often surprising how a story like this, shared here, will minister to someone in an unexpected way, just sharing a story - so thanks for sharing.
