Am I too old to ever find love and start a family?
Posted : 3 Jun, 2009 01:24 PM
I just turned 29 over a week ago and while I was looking back and taking stock on my life on everything that's happened up to now, it just dawned on me that even though I have accomplished quite a bit in the last couple of years, there is one thing that I have not accomplished that other people my age and even those people that are younger than me already have done and what I am talking about is settling down with someone and starting a family. You see, for years I always thought that by the time I turned 30, I would be settled down and married to someone and started my family long before now; which is how it's supposed to be done because I was always taught that good girls or good women started their families when they're young, but unfortunately that hasn't happened for me and I feel a lot of regret and shame about that. People might say that I have a lot going for me with a good career and an opportunity to have a good life, but you know what, yes that's all great and everything and I am extremely thankful for everything that God has given me and blessed me with in my life, but I strongly believe that there's a lot more to life than just having a good career and making money and I truly feel like there is just something missing in my life because I haven't settled down and started a family of my own and I feel like that there is something terribly wrong with me as a person and as a woman because I haven't done that yet. I always wanted to be a young wife and mother because I would have been able to do a lot more for my family in my late teens or 20's than I would be able to do in my 30's, and I would have been able to relate to a kid better if I had it younger, like when I was in my late teens or 20's than now having to wait til I am in my 30's, and I feel really guilty because other people that are my age and people that are younger than me have done that already and I feel this need to catch up to everyone else and where they are in their lives because they're much farther along in life than I am and they're doing the right things in life and living their lives the right way and unfortunately I am not living my life the right way because I haven't settled down and started a family yet. I am truly scared to death that I will never find anyone to settle down with and start a family with because I am too old and I am just not good enough of a woman for anyone to love me and want to be with me and definitely too old and not good enough of a person to ever be a good parent.That's why I am setting a deadline for myself that if I haven't at the very least settled down and if I am not in a relationship with someone by the time my 30th birthday rolls around almost one year from now, as much as I really don't want to do this and as much as it really hurts me that it has come to this, I am going to have to put an end to my search and give up looking for anyone to settle down and be with and give up my dream of ever having a family and I am going to have to accept my destiny and settle for just being a single career woman and revolve my entire life around having a career because there may not be anything else that I can do because I will be too old to do anything else with my life. My point is that I honestly and truly never wanted my life to turn out this way and I am trying to do something about it while I still can find someone to settle down and start a family with before it's too late. Thank you and May God Bless you always and always remember to put Him first in everything that you do.:)
Am I too old to ever find love and start a family?
Posted : 3 Jun, 2009 02:03 PM
Hi Angelgirl;
First - you are still very young. I know plenty of people who got married in the late 30's and had children. I totally sympathize with your position - I'm 40, and looking back I'm feeling a little robbed sometimes. I know it's different for men then women, but there's still a lot of similarities between us, and this is one area.
I have quite a few regrets over the past - primarily when I had opportunities with a woman, and turned her down for whatever reason.
I will say this though: you repeatedly used the words shame and guilt. You certainly have nothing to be ashamed of, nor feeling guilty for. Nothing wrong with having an intense desire that never gets fulfilled; sometimes you just strike out in this fallen world. That shouldn't be a source of shame or guilt. Being single is not a bad thing.
Most of the time in the past, I just struck out! Not much I can do about that; chemistry between men and women is a strange and unpredictable thing sometimes.
I also very much wish that I had gotten married and had children much younger - but on the flip side of that coin, I don't think I would've made a very good husband and father! It's only been in the past 8 or 10 years that I've really come to understand what a good husband and father is.
You ever heard it said that youth is wasted on the young? You're much wiser now for age, and most likely you are now better prepared to be a wife and mother than you were ten years ago.
It is important to be content - very important. Nothing wrong with desiring something else, other than what you have, as long as it does not take away from what you do have. How many of those family people do you know say things like "Oh, I wish I were single like you!" There's advantages and disadvantages to each lifestyle - learn to enjoy the bed you've made. Later on, if you get married, there will be days when you weren't in the bed that you made. Such is life - learn contentment, otherwise, you won't be content with marriage when you do get it.
You've done the right thing - you've hopped on here, made your intentions known. This is something I had to do, as I botched that horribly in my life, and is one of the reasons I'm still single today. I unknowingly gave off the air that I was single, and I liked it that way, ladies need not apply - all the while, on the inside I was so wanting a bride in my life, and children. I'm still learning the ropes in all of this - and I'll let the others here speak who've gone places I haven't. I'm sure they'll have some wisdom to share.
Am I too old to ever find love and start a family?
Posted : 3 Jun, 2009 02:32 PM
Angelgirl,
I agree with Ian about learning to be content in your situation. But I also want to say that you are still young and your childbearing years are far from over. It is my belief that when people marry a little later in life the marriages can be more successful because you know who you are and what you want in a marriage partner.
So just relax and go on about your life and God will provide according to His will. Who knows your future husband could be here on this site, so hang out here on the forums and let the guys get to know you.
Am I too old to ever find love and start a family?
Posted : 3 Jun, 2009 11:17 PM
I agree with everything Ian and Lydia said - great words of wisdom from both.
Don't think you're "too old." And especially don't think you would have been a better parent at a younger age - that's not true. I had my daughter when I was 20, my oldest son when I was 33, and my twins when I was 38. I can tell you without a doubt that I am a MUCH better parent in my "older" age than I was in my 20's.
You sounded so alone and sad in your post - I've been there at times, where I've felt that I will just never marry (again). But the more I get to know God (it's a never ending process - a lifelong friendship), the less and less I have the feeling of being alone. He really has filled the void in my life, and I think He wants to be first in our lives before He will introduce us to the person He has for us. There was about a year or more time in my life where I didn't date - I was already in a relationship and that was the one I wanted to focus on - my relationship with God.
"The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit." -Psalm 34:18
This video was posted once on a different subject. It may not apply here, but every time I'm feeling down about ANYTHING, I watch it. It makes me feel a whole lot better!!
Am I too old to ever find love and start a family?
Posted : 4 Jun, 2009 06:59 AM
Hey Angelgirl;
I went and took a look at your profile. It was actually really well written - I don't know that there was much more you could add, or anything to take away. You certainly had already dealt with the things that I look for - namely, you stated quite clearly where your spiritual walk was at.
Lynne had a good suggestion for me, and I'll repeat it here: You've got settings in my email settings to block smokers. I had this too (didn't realize at the time what it did) - this will block *everyone* who is a smoker from emailing you - including those who just want to fellowship and send you an encouraging word in private.
So Lynne suggested (and I'd suggest it too) putting a line in your profile like "I will not date anyone that smokes, but smokers are welcome to email me as friends only", and then turn off the mail filtering for smokers. I've found the fellowship here with other believers has been an unexpected blessing.
Also - you really should put a picture up. I know that's the tough part; I'm kind of well known in the US because I'm on international TV a lot and stuff, so I was hesitant to put my picture up - but I had to realize that "Hey, am I serious about this, or not?" Yes, I am - and what's wrong with saying publically "Hey, I'm available" ? In fact, this is precisely one of the things I was doing wrong.
So I'd encourage you to put a picture up - in fact, several.
Also - you're doing the right thing hopping into the discussions on the forums. This was an angle I hadn't thought of until a friend on here suggested it; not only to get to meet others and get to know others, others get to know you. And unexpected relationships get built out of that. You may find someone you thought you'd be interested in is actually quite different that what you thought they were - and you find out you'd never be able to stand living with this person. Or - others you didn't give a second look, turn out to be someone who turns your head when you see them posting.
you're doing a lot of right things - glad to see you here
Am I too old to ever find love and start a family?
Posted : 4 Jun, 2009 05:37 PM
Darlin,
If you live anything like you type, take my advice and SLOW down. Pause, use paragraphs, think between sentences. LIVE life don't just fly through it.
It's sabbath time girl, rest in Jesus. Breath, look around.
and I mean it. I know people like this. they are in such a hurry all the time, to get to what they are going next, then to get that done so they can be in a hurry to be on there way to something else.
Activity is not accomplishment. I used to have very long very full days. Now I spend alot of my time just walking around in the back yard holding madi or samuels hand and answering questions about squirrells or the sky or leaves, or sitting with joseph and daniel and talking about how to live out your faith as a young man in school, or reading to grace from her horse books. I take my time to enjoy the time I have. and now I have a woman in my life who used to be a busy busy bee ( a single mommy of 4) and she is learning to slow down to my pace and BREATH.
It's painful at first, but just relax. when you get flustered, just STOP, put everything down, pick up a piece of paper, make a fan for yourself and cool off while you look out the window and count the leaves on a tree or see how many birds are in your hard. Sometimes I just sit a spell and play my guitar sitting against the big ol tree outside my bedroom window while the kids mess around in the grass with bugs and such.
that's living. that's life. and I can put my guitar down and dance with my baby girls while I wistle in the wind and twirl them around. or throw sticks with the boys to get a paper airplane out of the tree branch. (I did all this over the past weekend and will most likely do it again this one)
Am I too old to ever find love and start a family?
Posted : 6 Jun, 2009 12:28 PM
Hey! don't worry. If it's meant to be, it will happen. I have been divorced twice. I cannot have a child of my own naturally. I had expectations for my life, wish it was different. I do believe that there are reasons for eveything, especially the bad. There is always something good in bad experiences. You are only 29. Enjoy this time you have right now, because when you find that right person and do get married- it's a lot of work and committment. Work on yourself, and take good care of yourself for now. I believe that if we are not meant to be single for the rest of our lives, than there is someone out there for us.
Am I too old to ever find love and start a family?
Posted : 9 Jun, 2009 04:28 PM
Angelgirl,
As I read your post, this song came to my heart and I feel led to share it with you. Its out of Psalms 46:
"There is a river joy
That flows through the city of God
This river keeps on flowing forevermore
There is a river of joy
That flows through the city of God
Be still and know
That I am the Lord (repeat)
Although the mountains may crumble
(there is a river a joy)
You've heard the war cannons rumbel
(there is a river a joy)
You've seen mighyt men stumble
But I give grace to those who are humble
Be still for I am the Lord
CHORUS
-------------
There is a river joy
That flows through the city of God
This river keeps on flowing forevermore
There is a river of joy
That flows through the city of God
Be still and know
That I am the Lord
"
May you find strength in quietness and trusting confidence. REST in God. He desires good for you more than you can ask.
Take your own advice, dear and "always remember to put Him first in everything that you do". I have found that the times I felt agitated correllate 100% with the times when I strayed from his intimate 24/7 bossom.
Am I too old to ever find love and start a family?
Posted : 11 Jun, 2009 08:30 AM
I LOVE THIS SITE!!!!!!!!!
I thought that I could give some good advice on letting God choose your mate for you or telling you how "the grass is always greener on the other side" (when you get over there, you'll find that grass has to be mowed and fertilized too,Smile)
But then I read all these wonderful posts, and I get encouraged!!!!
But my God shall supply all your need according to HIS riches in Glory by Jesus Christ. Philippians 4:19
