So...Hi! My name is Seth, and here is a little of my story.
In 8th grade, I made a commitment to myself, that I would not date until I was ready. I decided that I needed to say that I would date once I turned 18. I "hung out" with girls several times throughout high school, and I had several girls that I was close with, but I made it very clear that I was not looking for a relationship. Finally I graduated high school, and over the summer I met someone. I had really grown in my faith and was very prayerful in how I went about it, and in the middle of summer, we began dating. We dated, and I fell in love with her, over the next 3 years.
I had made it clear, and she had agreed, that we shouldn't throw around the word "love" in our relationship, so that it didn't become cheap and easily used. I really want that word to mean something. Well, our 3 year anniversary came, and we were doing better than ever. We were strong, and as we walked across a bridge on our anniversary date, the sun was setting, and I told her I loved her. She was crying as she looked up and said she loved me too. We didn't stop smiling the rest of the night. I thought to myself..."this is it. We've made it."
Anyways, a few days later, she left on a trip with her sister and mother, she was gone for 3 weeks and when she came back, she had changed. One night, after my church league softball game (the championship game...we lost, to make matters worse, haha) something didn't feel right. That night, she tearfully broke up with me. Citing her relationship with God as the reason, saying she had never felt further from Him, and saying that although it wasn't because of me, she felt she had to give me up, in order to grow closer to him. As hard as it was, I loved her with all of my heart, so I gave her time and I gave her space.
3 weeks passed, and I was getting nervous, because I was leaving for Rome to study abroad for a semester, and I desperately wanted to talk to her. I still loved her so much, and I missed her with every fiber of my being. She called. We got together at a lake and talked. We walked around the lake and talked, we laughed, we cried, and finally as we sat down on a bench that I had chiseled "Seth loves AnnMarie" about a month before, (how's that for irony, haha) she told me, with tears in her eyes, that she still loved me, and she still wanted to marry me. I couldn't believe it. My faith and trust in God had been rewarded. We both decided to take it easy while I was gone, e-mail back and forth and occasionally skype, but not be "serious" until after I got back and we could assess where we were in our relationships with God individually.
Two weeks later, I was in Rome, and we were on skype for the last time, and she was telling me how much she loved me and would miss me. Two weeks after that, I got an e-mail from her.
In one paragraph, she told me that she did not have feelings for me anymore, and didn't think we should be in contact at all while I was in Rome, she wanted "a clean break" HA!! As if that is clean! Well, I was heartbroken. The love of my life, someone I couldn't picture life without, had just told me in one paragraph that I meant nothing to her anymore. She offered no encouragement, she made no apologies.
It's been 6 months since she sent the e-mail, and I've seen some of the lowest lows since then. But you know what? I've also witnessed how absolutely unrelenting our God is. His love has overpowered me completely, and He truly knew what He was doing, putting me in Rome as my world seemed to be falling apart back home. He took me to a place where only He could find me, He put me in a place where I could get lost in the history, and meet new people, and grow exponentially in my relationship with him. So while my heart is broken, God has been binding it, and He isn't done, He has truly blessed my life with friends who have come alongside me, and He has somehow given me the strength to forgive AnnMarie, and treat her with respect in my interactions with her. Because God truly is love, and who am I to withhold love from someone when God so willingly gives it to the broken?
