My heart goes out to you because I was there minus the kids. Having to "keep it together" in front of the kids while you feel like half of your being has been steamrolled has to be difficult. For me I realized that there is NO tangible reason we can figure out. As much as we try to apply our logic it comes down to her free will to do as she wishes. What helped me was attending church and talking to older men who had the wisdom of years. Also I read and reread the book "Why Do Bad Things Happen To Good People" by Melvin Tinker. The authors journey through his childs passing chronicles his attempts to answer "why." This book enabled me to get up another day and live through life when I felt like I had died and I was at the point where I had to force myself to even eat. Also the Psalms gave me comfort in my lowest hours. Whatever you do avoid any rebound relationships. Grief is like a wound that must heal before you can love properly again. I don't know you personally but my heart goes out to you because I am intimately familiar with where you are right now. You will be in my prayers.
Sometimes, we are given so much to handle that it seems we juggle thousands of balls and they just keep crashing down around us. As the balls hit the ground, they shatter and the glass shards hurt so badly. Add to that the few dozen more that get lofted to be juggled when a few drop. It can be overwhelming. No, it IS overwhelming.
Sometimes, the option of just crawling into bed and pulling the blankets over your head forever seems like a viable option. But, hiding doesn�t work either. The pain plagues and continues to torture no matter where you go.
Upon reflection, the worst time in my life made me the person I am today. I lost everything and everybody�.even to my church family. In the midst of this, God remained faithful. With his help, I had the opportunity to remake myself into the woman he envisioned.
That �rebirth� took breaking me into LOTS of little pieces for reassembly (excruciatingly painful). On the positive side, I am now so much closer to my Lord. He was there for me when no one else was. While I would not wish to relive that experience or time in my life and still reflect on it with pain, I cannot imagine not having the relationship with God that resulted from that experience. In time, I hope you will be able to say the same
Know that with time, the cutting edge of the knife dulls and the pain lessons. Also know, you are so loved. Imagine how much it hurts you when one of your children is in pain�.for our heavenly Father it is the same. But just as you must allow our children to grow, He does the same for us.
