Author	Thread: I just dont get it
angelgirl80 View Profile History	I just dont get it Posted : 22 Aug, 2011 04:42 PM Well, about a month ago, my ex-fiance of a little over a year just all of a sudden broke up with me saying he was tired of it all and that he was just done and it hurt me a great deal. I mean,it was like it had happened out of the blue so needless to say he left me very confused and upset because he wouldnt tell me why or what I did wrong....he had been acting distant towards me for a few weeks prior to that like blowing me off or saying he was busy but I had no idea anything was going on,I mean even a couple days before then he acted normal like nothing was going on but he suddenly dumps me. We had met over a year ago and we hit it off big time...it was like we were soulmates and we had a lot of things in common and everything like that and we both felt like we were meant for each other and that I was the one for him and he was the one for me. Well a few months into the relationship he lost his job and has been out of work for just about a year and had to move out of his apartment and move back in with his mom who is kinda well-to-do but we were together a lot and I was there for him and I stuck by him through everything...a few months ago he had even asked me to marry him and I said yes so we were engaged as well so you can imagine how devastated I was when he did what he did. I mean, I was to the point where I was so depressed that I thought I had nothing to live for and I seriously thought about taking my own life because I really thought that someone like me who wasnt thin,beautiful or rich or anything like that could never get anyone else to love me and I thought I deserved to have someone treat me bad or hurt me because I thought some people saw me as plain white trash who is unworthy of being loved simply because I wasnt what the majority of people found attractive. Fast forward to about a week ago he messages me on instant messenger and tells me he is sorry if he hurt me and he never meant to hurt me and that he still cares about me but about a month ago he had met someone else that his mom knew from her church and had invited her over to the house to try to set him up with her and he told his mom that he was still with me but she kept pushing it saying that simply because I wasnt from the side of town they were from or wasnt well-off like they were that I was only with him for what I could get from him or what he could do for me,more or less implying that I was a golddigger when that couldnt be any further from the truth...anyone who knows me knows that I am only after love and wanted to settle down and have a family and now I am kinda scared that now that I am 31yrs old and not what most men would be attracted to that that dream will never come true. On top of that my ex-fiance will be 35 later this year and he dumped me for a 24yr.old girl simply because his mom and his family thought she was more acceptable than I was. I asked him what did I do that was so terrible to deserve this...I mean, I stood by him through everything and this is what I get and he told me that I didnt do anything wrong,that I was a great girl and he appreciated everything I did for him. Regardless I blame myself for what happened...if I had been more like what they wanted me to be and been a better woman I wouldnt have got dumped and I just dont know what I keep doing wrong...Im just trying to figure it out so I dont make the same mistake again. Thanks for listening and if you have some insight or feedback I would love to hear it..have a nice day and God bless you Post Reply
teach_ib View Profile History	I just dont get it Posted : 22 Aug, 2011 09:06 PM Angel girl, First of all know that God doesn't make trash. He made you and you are special to Him. It grieves Him when you are treated the way you were. Don't put yourself down or allow anyone else to put you down. As for your ex...he could be quite honest with you...mother's can be quite overbearing and conniving when it comes to their sons and daughters. There are many that try to be match makers. Once he moved back home, he was subjected to her moves because he is under her 'authority' in a sense. Or, he could have done it on his own and now realizes what a mistake he made...this the dilemma I think you are trying to sort out. If you think he is worth investing a little more time, you can SLOWLY attempt to work through the situation. Don't make any promises...let him know in a Christian manner how his actions impacted you and you will need some time before you can decide whether to continue a relationship. You may want to see if you can work through a counselor or pastor. If you think he is really being dishonest or deceitful...stay away from him. Cut your losses, know that it will take some time to heal, but God is there to help you through it. Only you can determine the path through prayer. Proverbs 3:5-6 Prayers tom you as you work through this painful situation. Post Reply
teach_ib View Profile History	I just dont get it Posted : 22 Aug, 2011 09:07 PM Prayers to you...not Tom:excited: Post Reply
View Profile History	I just dont get it Posted : 24 Aug, 2011 09:30 PM "angelgirl80", I'm sorry to hear that someone would treat you that way. I honestly don't see where you did anything wrong. By the way, God has better for you than that...FAR BETTER! Any guy who would treat a young lady like that is Not a "real man"...maybe a boy, but definitely Not a man! Please don't hurt yourself! I'm not gonna lie to you young lady, I've felt like taking my life before too...but let me encourage you. When you get to the point where you're hurting like that, you need to choose to let go and give it to God who loves you beyond words. :) If you don't know how to do that, then pray and ask God to show you how. By the way, satan and his demons are the ones who tell us that we aren't good enough and so forth...and it's all a bunch of lies! Don't pay any attention to what that old enemy is telling you...because everything he tells you is the opposite of what's true. That's how satan works...he uses lies to try to cause us to fear. Why??? To try to crush a person's faith and to make them discouraged for no legitimate reason at all. Truth is, God loves you so much more than you realize. Are you aware of what actually took place with that situation??? If you can't see it, then let me point it out to you..... God was protecting you from getting any deeper into that situation because He knew what satan was up to...so He ended it on account of the fact that the guy was no good for you because he still doesn't know what being a "real man" is all about! God was letting you know what kind of character this guy really had. Truth is, a "real man" doesn't allow his mom to run his life or to tell him what he should or shouldn't do...and especially at his age! By the way, I also had a bad relationship with someone which ended about 6 months ago. I know exactly what you're going through right now and I know it's not fun at all...but it will get better. Whatever you do, DON'T KEEP BLAMING YOURSELF! The problem was this: He should've stood up and been a "real man" by telling his mom very sternly that he was already seeing you...and he should've stood his ground no matter what. Most of the people in this country might think acting like that would be rude and so forth...but I call it "being a real man and a true man of God"!!! By the way, most of the time you women worry yourselves way too much about what you look like physically. A true man of God doesn't simply base his judgments on what a woman looks like on the outside, but more so on what she looks like on the inside! :) Post Reply
View Profile History	I just dont get it Posted : 27 Aug, 2011 12:02 AM I'm so sorry for what your going through and, I don't get why guys hurt me and use me and take advantage of me either. Signed, Bonnie Post Reply
View Profile History	I just dont get it Posted : 28 Sep, 2011 01:04 AM Sometimes......it requires some kind of change in circumstances, to bring about something better.:-) You sound absolutely amazing and you'll have NO trouble finding the One God chose just for you!!:-) Post Reply
View Profile History	I just dont get it Posted : 28 Sep, 2011 12:46 PM Sorry to hear you went through this. What he did is just wrong whether he felt pressured to dump you for someone else that his mom picked out is irrelevant. A grown man who can't make decisions on his own doesn't display leadership. And ask yourself this knowing what you know now would you really want to be a part of a family where you your mother in law wanted her son to marry someone else, and your in-laws wouldn't fully accept you? If I may point something out, and I've told myself this too as I can identify with the thought process. Be careful not to put your stock in what other people or most people think regarding attractiveness. As a Christian, when we feel worthless, we are losing sight of where our worth really lies. And that is with our relationship with our Savior, Jesus Christ. If we are in him, we have value beyond measure. We may live a lifetime on this earth going unnoticed by men/women, but we know that God has not lost sight of us loves us more than we can ever comprehend. The easy thing to say is "don't worry God has someone better in mind for you," The scripture never makes any claim or imply that we are guaranteed to find a wife/husband. I think people say this because we know we want to believe that there is someone for everyone. That isn't to say there isn't someone out there for you who will treat you with love and respect. Best thing to do is find your contentment first in Christ as a single person, placing your happiness in the idea of being married then perhaps that has taken a higher place in your life than it should. Again I say this as it is something I've had to preach to myself as well in the past. Post Reply