here's something that has been bothering me for a while and I figured who better to get advice from than the family of Faith.
Here goes:
I have an ex who still wants to get back with me. Problem is, that we have had a very on and off relationship for about a year and a half. We both have done wrong in the relationship but it's like more or less she realizes that we haven't loved each other the way that we should (I agree to a certain extent with that).
When we were together, it was nice for a good while, we loved each other, tried to help each other grow spiritually, but then lust came in and things started to go down-hill from there, to make a long story short. From then on it was like it was a one-sided relationship built on the fact that if things weren't her way, I was gonna hear something about it to the point that I'd feel guilty and do whatever she said. Like saying stuff that I can't possibly love her if I didn't do this or do that, like abusing my love. But she'd say I always had the choice of doing whatever I want, but I could also do it without her.That was mainly because of things she was going through financially, family problems and etc and whatever was going on with them, she took out on me, pretty much. That went on for a good three months straight and with me trying to focus on school, unemployed and trying to graduate (which I did) it was hard for me to do certain things for her to alleviate that pain. So after a while of that, I'll be honest, I emotionally checked out, it's only so much of that any one person can take, thinking you can only pour out so much of yourself till you have no more, an empty vessal isn't good for no one. So things got worst and we broke up for good (we had mini-break ups between then because of aforementioned issues).
So spent like almost a whole month apart, then she decided to want to get back together saying that she still loves me and all, I'm like ok how can I trust this, but I did and then crazy stuff ensued so this time I broke it off. Because I'm not trying to be dealing with the emotional and verbal abuse again.
Now recently (a whole year) later she comes around, saying she wants to get back together, she's more deeper in the Lord than ever before, and I can clearly see that, saying that she's willing to love me and won't ever hurt me again. Part of me wants to believe that but then again, me and her been doing this road a total of five times. And to be honest, it's hard to trust her, she saying she loves me and I do as well, but only as a friend and I can't see it ever getting to that level again, because my heart feels as though it was ran over by a semi-truck and plus I personaly feel that if it was meant to be, we would of never broken up like five times.
It sounds like you both came from dysfunctional homes;
co-dependency is definitely an issue here.
I'm sure you both love each other, but you both need help,perhaps Alanon and therapy.
It's great that she's turned her life over to The Lord.
But, it sounds like the pattern will be repeated over and over, until one or both of you get help.
As a nurse, I feel that I have good insight toward your problems, plus information and valuable advise. The disease of addictions and co-dependency go hand in hand.
"Trust in the LORD with all your heart, And lean not on your own understanding; In all your ways acknowledge Him, And He shall direct your paths." (Proverbs 3:5-6)
May God bless you with His peace and knowledge as you
Here is what am hearing, I hear you two had sexual relations. Where both of you are, I feel, is in the second stage of dating. Until both of you recognize that you are in "the uncertainty stage" its either recognize that or clash again or finally separate for good.
Here are the stages:
Attraction (no sex)
Uncertainty (no sex)
Exclusivity (no sex)
Intimacy (not the sexual kind)
Engagement (no sex)
I would advise both of you to stop having sex, if I am wrong on that, fine, as far as I know it didn't get that far, however it really sounds like the physical side was way ahead of the emotional, mental, and spiritual parts...which hurts both of you..you are a man and men have this good/bad thing...us men can have sexual relations with a woman and just plain walk away...that is using a woman and not a good thing....She as a women isn't built that way, when she gives into a man, her body is made to "hone" in on that man, so yes she hurt herself by giving into you... you hurt yourself by pushing....mutual hurt is not a good thing.
I want to be honest with you. I think both of you can recover from this by stopping the physical stuff and even proceed past uncertainty and who knows even go on to engagement, however I think both of you will find that you are not right for one another....and that is not a bad thing....the bad thing you both do not want to have happen is to break off the relationship in a BAD WAY....that will, I am convinced, will merely come up again, the breaking off a relationship in a bad way in your life as a pattern until you get it right....after that you may have another challenge...let us know how things work out...
Just thought I should let the readers of this thread know that one of the responders has been banned from the site for undisclosed violations. I discovered this when I tried to learn more about them and clicked on their profile. I couldn't have been more surprised, as their response seemed to reveal lots of wisdom and spiritual maturity. I guess you never know. . .
For what it's worth, it looks to me like each of you may be stuck in the "what's in it for me" heart attitude instead of "what can I bring to them". No relationship will survive the former and every healthy, happy long-term relationship has a firm foundation in the latter. Love is a choice to serve.
Hope you find this helpful ~ sister in Him in Wyoming
