For three years 16-19 I was in love with my best friend. It was perfect because I didn't have to change anything about me nor he about him and we could hang out all the time and thing nothing of it. It was almost like the relationship was effortless.
We grew up and went our separate ways in college (he in boston and I was in NY) but still communicated everyday. When I went home for winter break we hung out everyday for 5 weeks straight and didn't even realize until a mutual friend pointed it out.
In between winter break and presidents day I met a guy from new york and went on a date with him. However, I did go home for president's day weekend and it was on my last night that my friend had asked me why I had never been his girl friend he said I was perfect and that I did everything for him. It was a this point that I realized that we both had feelings for each other that were obvious to everyone but us. I responded to him by telling him it's because he never asked and the next day I was back in New York.
I couldn't help but wonder the answer to his question so I sent him a text to ask why hadn't we dated. He responded with he'd call me and explain later that night because it wasn't a text appropriate conversation.
24 hours later when I still had no call for him and neither one of us had texted each other that day I knew it wasn't good. My mind reverted back to when a mutual friend of ours told me that he was getting made fun of for liking a black girl. (he is white) I knew that was his reason but I didn't allow myself to believe it.
Finally he had called and told me the reason why he hadn't asked me to be his girlfriend is because I"m black and in society it's okay if a black guy dates a white girl but not the other way around. I was shocked, holding back tears and wanted to hang up but I physically couldn't. We eventually stopped speaking later that summer because it became too hard for both of us and it's been three years and I've seen him once since.
I haven't dated anyone else really because of this reason it's forever ringing in my mind. I've gotten over him however, I constantly hear that I act too white or am "cute for a black girl" or something stupid like that.
I guess it also affects me deeply because my mother is mixed and I have extended family members with blonde hair and blue eyes however, I've never met them just seen pictures. They don't want anything to do with us because my dad is not only black he's from Africa.
I've never really opened up to anyone about this whole story as to why I come off as cold to men but I found the opportunity here so thank you for letting me do so. God Bless.
Given time he may realise his error - clearly being with you wasn't a problem, and maybe in a different place (away from family or even another country) it could work.
The whole race issue is always going to be tricky because even if we think our generation less racist than the ones gone by, we still have to consider those of that generation such as our parents; nobody wants to choose between their boy/girlfriend and their family.
Thats truly a heart wrenching story, I am very sorry that you suffered through it...Lord knows I've had my share (refering to a Rabbit's tale)
But I must respectfully disagree. :) I believe as Paul stated in 1 Corinthians 13 we see as in a reflection, we know in part, because most of us are not mature in His love, and none of us are made perfect by Him (otherwise we would be at Home with Him)
I submit love sees with perfect clarity, and it takes wisdom, and spiritual maturity to do so. If your friend was wise, he would not only see the color of your skin, but come to apreciate it, and find it an endearing and attractive quality about you, same with your background, personality, quirks, your gifts, and who you are in Christ. :) Furthermore, if he was wise he would see your flaws, and what makes you human, choose to love you, and sereve in a way that meets your needs and makes sence to you.
Wow that is awful! I'm sure he found you beautiful as you definitely are. He just cared about what others thought. That's really his loss you know. I was not thinking that was his problem. But I guess there are still people out there like that. But don't let it make you feel any less. If it wasn't your skin it would be some thing else with some one else. Some judge against income, accents, body size, age, you name it.
If some one likes you then they shouldn't care what others think. God made you just right. Don't let one man give you a bad impression on all men. also don't let that change your view of your self. Know you deserve love and respect.
You are a very beautiful lady, Sis, looking at your pictures. I am sure that it is enhance more by your heart and your faith. Don't let people who looks at color deter you. You can't please everybody. What is important is that you love yourself as how God loves you, believe in yourself. One day, a man will come in the right time who will love you and accept you for all that you are and will be(^_^)
