Thread: I allowed my heart to be conquered, only to be shattered...
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I allowed my heart to be conquered, only to be shattered...
Posted : 20 Jun, 2011 04:59 PM
I can't lie and say I was inlove with him (no, i didn't love him, but i had feelings for him) but i cared for him so... Thing is, i still think of him as a fine man, a godly man and a man of great respect... i just need to let this out i suppose...
I met him here on the dating site some months ago but for reasons i told him we can only be friends (making it clear why) but we would constantly text, and talk on yahoo messenger and he would say things like "if I had a woman like you as my wife i'd be the happiest man" and thingsof the like... i would tell him "don't tease me so, cos ill fall inlove with you" hed say "but i mean it, you are a jewel"...
I would tell him time and time again (really to remind myself) we shall only be friends, but the way he treated me, his character, love for the lord, just who he is began to melt my heart... i'd ask him questions about marriage and personal questions hed answer, hed ask me the same thing i'd answer... i began to fall for him slowly... he would say "only thing stopping us is - - (not gonna say) from being together if we could"...
A few weeks ago i couldn't contain myself i allowed my heart to let go feelings for him, it was a free like moment... i took my feelings (i've never felt before) seriously that i asked my parents for their blessing/permission to let him know my feelings... my daddy said yes but had a feeling "mija... I have a bad feeling hes going to break your heart... are you sure he is interested in you" I said "oh yes daddy without a doubt, he says what he means, he is THAT kind of man... i wouldn't tell him my feelings without being certain silly!" sigh... :(
I decided to tell him my feelings cos i was the one tosay we could only be friends... so... i took a week to fast/pray... then last week i had an idea to surprise him by publicly telling him via my profile he has conquered my heart... i choose him. Oh it was romantic that guys messaged me saying "oh, he beat us to you", my dad was pleased and even said "i wont be surprised if he comes here this week", i was so happy...
after he read it he didn't say anything to my surprise but ok thats fine hes in shock, and busy with ministry things no problem he'll let me know soon... then i had to ask him what he thought (a red flag was up and alarm sounded in my heart)... we spoke daily for a few days... then today he TEXTED me and said after much prayerhes not the man for me butwould like to remain friends... it felt like a brick hit me in the chest...
I just texted "ok" back. what else was i to say??? I felt humiliated, lead on, i trusted him he was the one i chose, for i thought he wanted me, but i was unsure then when i finally knew it was he who i wanted... i was put to a hault... butok fine... he rejected me though now i'm confused from the way he treated and spoke toe me in the past... but what made me feel worthless, like a pearl thrown to the side was that he TEXTED me no... not a phone call or an email... but a casual text... oh my heart shattered...
i told him all of this after the "ok" text, of course he was sorry i know he was hes very honest... but... oh how i wanted him. i thought he wanted me... i'm so confused and hurt... i don't know whatto think... if i didn't think he was serious about me why would i write suc things i had on my profile to him publicly (via profile) and romantically if i didn't think hed say yes to my changeof heart toward him???
I don't know what to think... oh... i've never felt this pain before in all my life (25 years of being single)... i've guarded my heart DEEPLY until i met him, i allowed my heart to open to what he told me, treated me, who he was... then i was said no too (which hnestly i can accept, i'm a woman i can.) via text (i can't accept... i felt worthless and humiliated cos he sent a no via text). sigh... thing is i still care for him he deserves such happiness and blessings and a wonderful wife... but idon't understand... i'm confused...
i encourage men to not be romantic (even in a teasing manner) for women like me can take it to heart, for we can believe what you say even if you don't mean it... i'm one who says words and mean it... have feelin behind it... i want to be treated the same.
Hes a wonderful man, i still wan the best for him... i just never want to be lead on like this ever again... and if i'm going to be rejected (hey thats life!) please... if i'm worth something to your friendship. of some value...please... not via text.
I allowed my heart to be conquered, only to be shattered...
Posted : 20 Jun, 2011 10:43 PM
You are still young and getting hurt is part of growing up even in growing old. I am sure from the experience you came out a better person�cause after getting hurt you still wish him the best.
It might be that the timing is just not right. Give him the benefit of the doubt during those times he said he like you he really meant it and when you learn to like him in return, other priorities/issues in his life came up and he just can�t commit yet. I mean that is a possibility. Maybe, timing is messed up because it is part of God�s plan for both of you.
As for just texting, maybe he can't explain it yet, but at least he was brave to text no. Other guys will let you ride on, make you fall in love more deeply, then break your heart to more pieces it is harder to come together again. Cheer up!
I allowed my heart to be conquered, only to be shattered...
Posted : 21 Jun, 2011 01:45 PM
Hun men can say a lot of things. People can pose as any thing over the net. If you haven't actually meet him then you have no idea. For all you know he could be marred. I knew a guy a few years back (in person) that would do the texting thing. We went for coffee a few times. I actually meet him threw a job I had at the time. Apparently he was divorced. I started to get the feeling that he was still marred and put him on the spot. Instead of letting him just text flirt I acted like I wanted a relationship. Well he stopped texting and calling.
Be careful with your sweet heart. Don't trust to fast and take your time. Meet them in person before you waste too much time texting. Even with all this you may still get hurt again. But there are lots of men out there. Don't worry and don't let the pain break your spirit.
I allowed my heart to be conquered, only to be shattered...
Posted : 21 Jun, 2011 05:19 PM
BRPianogal, MercyMay, Iliveincanada and ridleyseaturtle... thank you. Sincerely thank you for your mature and sincere and loving comments which was much needed! The Joy of the Lord has been my strength I present help when I was in pain while I wrote this... I sincerely thank you for your comments which were written in such sincereity it made me smile! :) be blessed!
I allowed my heart to be conquered, only to be shattered...
Posted : 22 Jun, 2011 01:54 AM
Lilo, cheer up! You are a very beautiful woman and God intended the best man for you.
Just to share so you know I understand what you are feeling and going through... when I was younger, I am so idealistic that I thought as long as you say a man is a Christian, he will do the right things. Just like you, I waited 27 years to give my love to the first man. My dream is that my first boyfriend will be my husband for life. The guy even made me believe we will get married one day. Only to find out one day that he lied to me, just pretended to be single (he said he is afraid) and he is actually married. I ended it immediately because I don't want to do to another woman what I do not want to be done to me as a wife.
So, in short, dreams shattered but not my hope and faith in LOVE. I learned my first lesson in Love the hard way. But you see, God will take something away from you since HE meant something that is the best. For if you are with the man who do not sincerely love you... how will the man who can truly love you will be able to fill that space and move into your life?
It is indeed shattering and hurtful but in the end, it will make you stronger and wiser. And if a man is not just flowery in his words and sincere... he will also pursue you in person and present himself to your family, letting everyone knows he is true in his intention for you.
I allowed my heart to be conquered, only to be shattered...
Posted : 7 Jul, 2011 10:54 AM
i am so sorry to hear what you have gone through...i met a guy on here as well..we really hit it off...we clicked. My sister was very hesitant about this whole thing. He didnt have a very good pic of himself so she told me to ask for more pics of him and his kids. He got very defensive but he sent the pics. The only problem all the pics were him in a party scene or hanging with friends. He didnt send any of his kids. Now at this point we had begun dating...he was one of those guys that said everything you have ever wanted to hear. He asked me if I didnt like the pics and I explained to him I really liked him but wanted to slow things down a bit. The next day he left this site...i did send him an email asking what happened. He told me I had trust issues, that i didnt trust him and that the key thing in a relationship is trust. I just asked for pictures that was it....i mean i honestly believe that if i was datnig him then his kids went from important to the most important thing. I just wanted to see what they looked like and my sister said what if he doesnt really have kids. What if its just a story to lure girls in? I am beginning to think she might be right. I need advice and prayer....
I allowed my heart to be conquered, only to be shattered...
Posted : 10 Jul, 2011 07:01 AM
Dear Lilo,
I have an understanding of what you are going through. It can happen at any age. I met a man that I fell in love with and thought loved me. He broke up with me, and now three months later has told me that he is marrying someone he met after we broke up. I know how badly it hurts, and I am still hurting and wondering if I will ever heal. I just keep praying that the Lord will give me the strength to heal and go on with my life.
I have to believe now that this was for the best and that the Lord has someone else for me who will love me unconditionally and want to be with me for the rest of our lives.
Please don't become bitter about men. I know that there are some good, decent men out there; we just haven't met them yet. I pray for all those whose hearts have been broken. We all will survive this and go on to better futures.
Take care of yourself during this difficult time. Hugs from me, girl--trust in the Lord!!!
