I currently am in a rough patch in my life. I look around at everyone and they all have great things happen for them. I don't think I've had one good thing happen to me in 10+ years to be honest. I don't understand why and everything I do becomes bad luck.
For instance, almost everyone I know is married or has a significant other. Me, any time I date it never works out. I don't like anyone who likes me either. I've actually given up fully on that. Also, I have one best friend whom I never see and I'd like to even have lunch with a friend or two but no one even acts like I exist. It's extremely upsetting because I feel alone. Every weekend, I spend it alone or spend hours at home doing nothing.
I am incredibly grateful for what I do have like a roof over my head, food to eat, health, job, etc. But I feel like I don't have what 99.9% of others have. They usually travel, have a nice house, car, money, etc. Of course, the ones that do have lots of things have a few bad things that have happened to them too. To top it off, my mom is sick too at the moment.
But I need to know why I have such bad luck? Am I just meant to have nothing?
1. Handyman, I can't take your opinions seriously when you twist people's words (like you've done to Hazel now, on at least page 3 of this thread if not elsewhere). I'd encourage Hazel to take Handyman's "advice" with more than a grain of salt.
2. I don't know what kind of beef is between Moonlight and LittleDavid, nor do I really care that much. Maybe have that argument somewhere else at least?
3. Austin's last post looks un-alive-y. I'd comment on what he's said in this thread, but I want to be sensitive to him. Hopefully he's getting help IRL.
Okay, now I wanna throw in my 2 cents on the topic of this thread! (All with the asterisk that this is coming from a single guy lol)
First, I'm sorry your mom is sick. Hopefully she's gotten better by now. I know it doesn't mean much, but at least you've got the belated sympathy of one random internet stranger. :)
Second, you're far from alone being 31 and single. The average age of (first) marriage in the US is almost 29 for women. The *average*. For every gal getting hitched at 25, there's another marrying at 33 (roughly speaking). Brutal times for sure, but you aren't alone. Not by a longshot. See this: https://www.statista.com/statistics/371933/median-age-of-us-americans-at-their-first-wedding/
Third, it might be helpful to recognize the two-sided nature of what you're experiencing. You have the basic necessities that you'd die without: food, water, and shelter. But you, like everyone else, want/need something more. (If it wasn't that fundamental of a want/need, why would it be mentioned in Genesis 1 and 2?) Some needs are met, and others aren't. I find that kind of mindset can help "contain" that relationship-despair in my own life, so maybe it can help you too.
You've been attacked for having hundreds of favorites on your profile and not going with any of them. Frankly, I've seen the guys on this site... I'm on your side here. It doesn't take Sherlock Holmes to deduce that a lot of guys here are weird (probably including me lol).
Now this part of my humble opinion has a good chance of being wrong in some way, but I want to voice it in case it helps or in case someone can maybe correct me. If you, like everyone else, have a want/need for personal connection (and ultimately for the kind of intimate connection made possible by marriage), you need to get that need met or at least pacified in the meantime. A friend is no substitue for a lover in the long term, but in the short term, it might be just enough to feel somewhat comfortable. While I'm hurting for a relationship, I'm actually going to go to a young adult Bible study in just a few minutes. Even though the young adult group is small and there's no "candidates," I still want to go so that I can connect with people. Connection is good to have in the meantime, at least.
I feel what you're going through. Again, at least you have the sympathy of a random internet stranger. :D
Clark0829 while I don't disagree with everything you have posted, I am perplexed at your accusation that I twisted words. I understand it maybe hard for those ignorant of the differences in the way men & women communicate. That being said it was pretty plain what op said and my responses to her were spot on.
Since you and op are single and around the same age. I suspect you were stepping in to try and defend her in the hopes of looking like a hero to her and thereby attracting her attention in the hopes of creating an opening to get to know her.
Of course the last paragraph is supposition on my part. But if it's true then I pray it works and you both find happiness together.
This is hardly rocket science, if a woman past the age of 30 still is not married she either has made long term strategic mistakes on that front, has something wrong with her that repels men... or she simply has been too picky.
Average it not this particular individual is very much not unattractive and most likely has always had men actively pursuing her.
Looking at past threads if taken at face value she suffers from Llittle Disney Princess syndrome where she expects some kind of Prince Charming to come rescue her or "the One"tm to find and court her very little effort on her part.
No one can tell you what's wrong with you or what you have done or are doing wrong, this is something that needs introspection and brutal self honesty. At the same time there is the modern phenomenon of "white woman syndrome" driven by priviliged liberalist ideas where you have oversensitive creatures who only see the world in terms of victimization. Part of this is the baffilng phenomenon of attractive woman calling themselves ugly or fat or whatever other insult they can throw at themselves and it's stupid.
A lot of this is because they foolishly listen to bitter, spiteful narcissistic woman who tear other woman down all the time.... men don't care half as much about the things woman beat themselves with as woman do. It's no wonder these woman become neurotic bundles of "oh poor me" self hatred.
The hard truth is especially in the modern Western world with men increasingly terrified of taking the initiative it's up to woman to take their romantic lives into their own hands and stop insulting themselves. We all wish this was the old world but it is not anymore. This calls for two things not natural to woman, the courage to learn to gently approach men to let even the thickest know you have interest and learning to take the rejection that comes from that. Half the problem is woman don't approach men because of fear of rejection, they want the men to take all the risks and then magically find someone perfect without pain.... this is the way a child thinks not an adult.
But of course this is while I am assuming these threads are not merely narcissistic cries for attention and actual cries for help. At the same time yes a lot of men on this site are bitter failures that need someone to convince them they can be better because they just don't really believe that anymore, and others try to blame woman for everything including their own weakness because they cannot bear to admit they fought the world and the world won.
We are all broken in some way or we would not be here.
It's not the greatest time in history, to be honest.
>I don't think I've had one good thing happen to me in 10+ years to be honest.
I can empathize, to a degree. The last ten years have been a series of ups and downs on this end, as well.
>almost everyone I know is married or has a significant other
For me it's a mixed bag. I have a couple of friends who are married and seemingly happy, but one has told me it's a lot of work. I also know someone who just got divorced and someone who might be getting a divorce or so I hear.
>Me, any time I date it never works out.
This is common for a lot of people, actually.
Online dating makes it all the more awkward, because you're not able to go on in person chemistry, in the beginning, which is the natural way for a relationship to start.
>I don't like anyone who likes me either.
Lol. Okay. There is such a thing as being too picky, but I am picky too, so I can't say that I don't get it.
> I've actually given up fully on that.
Haven't we all.
>It's extremely upsetting because I feel alone. Every weekend, I spend it alone or spend hours at home doing nothing.
Same, but I just live with it. Although, I will typically end up doing some motion graphics or playing some guitar or going to the gym. These days I usually only go out when I am going to see a show, meaning, there is a band playing that I want to see. Then I go out. Most people I still know these days, are the same. I had an invitation to go to Club Underground, last week, in Chinatown (since you're in LA, I thought you might know it), but decided there wasn't enough incentive. While that's probably the only club I would still go to, it's not the same as the Britpop / Indie clubs of the past, for reasons and not just because it isn't the '90s anymore. I suppose I would go dancing, if I thought the company was going to be good or at least company that I could be myself around. I do like to dance and I used to go dancing a lot.
>I am incredibly grateful for what I do have ...
Yeah, same. It could be worse, but it could be better.
>But I feel like I don't have what 99.9% of others have.
Again, same, but I think it depends on who you talk to and who you're using for comparison.
>They usually travel, have a nice house, car, money, etc.
Well, these days, I think that travel outside of the U.S. is over rated and honestly, kind of dangerous, for reasons.
There's also not that much going on these days, to even make traveling worth it. But that's just me. I mean, I've done some traveling, during a very good time in history, i.e. not the last two decades. So, it's less of an issue for me.
As for nice house, well that's a team effort these days, especially given the price of real estate in California. Especially in Southern California.
As for a nice car, I suppose it depends on what that means. There's a lot of people driving new cars that are complete garbage and a few people driving slightly older cars that are quality.
>To top it off, my mom is sick too at the moment.
Sorry to hear this. I can relate.
>But I need to know why I have such bad luck? Am I just meant to have nothing?
Again, I can relate, but I don't think it's down to luck, per se. A lot of it has to do with the time period we're in. It's really not the greatest time in history and I hear it's going to get worse, before it gets better.
All I can say, is if you meet someone who you think you might be able to talk to, talk to them, even if they don't pass all of the requirements filled out on a dating profile. Like say, age (cough, cough).
"You've been attacked for having hundreds of favorites on your profile and not going with any of them. Frankly, I've seen the guys on this site... I'm on your side here. It doesn't take Sherlock Holmes to deduce that a lot of guys here are weird"
You couldn't have said it any better. Haha! But you don't seem weird.
And IntheCrowd, great sound advice you've given me as well!
And Moonlight, your advice is great too!
We'll just let Handyman and FDCWillard handle their delusional thoughts and arguments to themselves!
>And IntheCrowd, great sound advice you've given me as well!
Cool.
I don't know what kind of music you like, but there are some shows coming up in LA. Camera Obscura is on sale. Not sure if I'm going to that one. I like them and I've seen them before, but the tickets seem a little pricey to me right now. I don't know if you know who the band Lush were, but Miki Berenyi was their lead singer and front woman and her new band, Miki Berenyi Trio is playing at The Fonda, on May 29. I think there might still be tickets. That one is worth going to. If you like shoegaze music, you might want to go to that one. If you don't know who Lush were, if you search "Lush band topic" on YouTube, their page will come up.
There's also Club Underground on Fridays. That's actually happening tonight and I was thinking about going tonight. Although, not sure. No one I know is going tonight. Lol.
Anyway, I just thought I'd mention this stuff since you live in town.
Club Underground has a website you can check out, if you've never been and you're curious as to what kind of club it is. Just search "Club Underground, Los Angeles." I'd post the url, but apparently there are rules about that on this website.
Yet I think life has been a disappointment for most outside the Garden of Eden.
One old episode of Star Trek, Spock reflected that sometimes it is better wanting than having.
So you maybe more glad of your uneventful single life than a married life that does not turn out as wanted. But yes, you are passing the window of opportunity given to you as you seek a perfect match in a not perfect world.
I am no more young. I am now at age 50 and still not having any success in finding my other half.... Most of the relationship I had, men are the ones leaving because of third party,...
Seek Jesus first and everything follows. I am having an intense relationship now with Jesus after a PAINFUL FULL OF LIES and CHEATS of 7 years with a guy from Texas. I think we better be single than just getting being HURT!
