Author	Thread: You can't handle the truth
Admin	You can't handle the truth Posted : 5 Feb, 2012 10:12 AM Women say that they want an honest man who does not play games, but in reality that is not what they go after. I have seen so many times where women chase after a guy who tells them up front that they are not interested in marriage, and then they are shocked when he never gets around to proposing. But, they will never go out with someone who states up front that they want to get married because they think that we are too desperate. Women like guys that are confident, and I can understand why, but they never try to understand why the guy is confident in the first place. Their motivation behind their confidence is very important. I have seen plenty of men who are very confident around women because they have no desire to get married. It�s easy not to be shy when you have nothing to lose, even I can do that. True confidence comes from knowing what you are doing. There are a lot of men who are not confident because they don�t know what they are doing, but that does not mean that we can never learn. Women also complain that they can�t find a guy who is serious about marriage. The problem is that you run away from anyone who states up front that they are interested in marriage. You want to start out as �just friends�, there mustn�t be any hint of desiring the theoretical possibility that there might be an outside chance that there might me something more than just friends. In other words, we have to lie to you. We can�t be honest and open about our intentions, we have to keep them to ourselves. I hear so many times on these forums where women complain about there not being any good men, that they can�t find anyone who is willing to treat them honestly and to settle down in marriage. If you want an honest man, then stop running away from them when they tell you the truth. Stop chasing after guys who lie to you just so that you won�t run away. You say you want the truth, but you can�t handle the truth. Post Reply
View Profile History	You can't handle the truth Posted : 9 Feb, 2012 01:40 AM Also, I (and I'm pretty sure a lot of other people also) agree that advice can be simplistic or nebulous, but think it is necessary to get at least some sense of an indication of the direction to go. Post Reply
View Profile History	You can't handle the truth Posted : 9 Feb, 2012 03:36 AM Cobbler, you're not still single because you've got Aspergers (admittedly it can make it harder), but because it's a *very* tough market to get into (for want of a better description). I'm still single, as is IODC and any other guy or girl you see on here, and not through any fault or handicap of our own. We can't give you fine detail on how to get and keep dates because if we knew we wouldn't be single ourselves! Right now though I'm more concerned with whether you're comfortable in general conversation with others because that's pretty much a pre-requisite for a whole load of things, not least dating, and your frustration in this thread has been palpable. Don't forget women on this site are more likely to form an opinion of you from your postings than your profile, so you need to be careful what you say and how you respond to others. Usually what you write is fine, but even if you feel the responses are wrong, at least be seen to be gracious when you reply - you owe that much to your brothers and sister in Christ. A specialist may not be able to give you Godly advice about dating, but they can help you get less frustrated talking to others who can't empathize, even to laugh at yourself sometimes, and that will at least put you on a level playing field with the rest of us here. Post Reply
View Profile History	You can't handle the truth Posted : 9 Feb, 2012 05:49 AM IODC, I can try to explain it to you, but I know from experience that you will never understand. Life is a lot more complicated than it seems, and there is a lot that those of us with Asperger�s don�t understand. Frankly, it�s not worth the effort to explain it to you. dkj255, I laugh at myself plenty. I am just tired of people not taking my situation seriously. Like I said before, finding a spouse is not some random act, it takes work. There are answers out there, and there are ways to help, but everyone just throws it all back in my face and tells me to figure it out on my own because there is never anything that anyone can do for me. Post Reply
View Profile History	You can't handle the truth Posted : 9 Feb, 2012 07:36 AM Well if you can think of some way we can help you then please do tell us, but I'm unsure of what you want at the moment. We can offer advice on dating (right or wrong) but we can't tailor it to fit your condition because we haven't been there ourselves. This is where I feel a specialist or somebody older with Aspergers(even if they're not a believer) might be useful for you to talk to; they'll be more able to make it relevant to you than we could. My only final comment is meant as encouragement but could also be depressing: even if you didn't have Aspergers, you'd probably still be single. That's not a reflection of you, it's the harsh reality of the dating scene evidenced in threads like yours every week. Every rejection reply, every unanswered message tells me I should quit because I'll never find that one, but I'm not going to let a stranger's total lack of interest in me shape my life, so each and every day I do it again, pressing on towards that goal and the promise to he who overcomes... Post Reply
View Profile History	You can't handle the truth Posted : 9 Feb, 2012 08:55 AM Hi Cobbler I am tip toeing back into your forum lol I apologize but I have been doing some studies on Aspergers Syndrome. I see now how difficult it must be for you. I have read many blogs on both sides of the spectrum. How hard it is for people with Aspergers or those who do not that may find them rude or inconsiderate to their advice on ministrations. The point is both sides have it bad, we are ill equipped to offer advice as we cannot totally understand what you are going through because your social makeup is different than others. You may have hurt the feeling of well meaning folks and I don't know if you are properly able to understand that because I do not know at what degree of Aspergers you are at. You may be screaming for help and others may be screaming in frustration because in trying to help we are rebuffed. I have read so far many accounts of people who have friends with Aspergers or family members and they feel like there is no middle ground. Many people see those with this condition as rude it is going to take longer to bridge the gap if that s even possible. As you may be frustrated take into account others may be too who are trying... But I agree with previous advice in continuing to seek out help from Christians who know more about this than we do. So after a couple of days of looking I found a Christian site http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ChristianAspergerAutism/ Hope this helps and I'm still praying for and with you. God bless. Post Reply
View Profile History	You can't handle the truth Posted : 9 Feb, 2012 11:41 AM I have looked around for support groups, and the most popular one out there is wrongplanet.net. But, it�s not only not Christian, if you bring up any Christian theme the Atheist will jump all over you. I checked out the support group that you mentioned, but it really hasn�t had any activity for years. It�s mostly filled with spam. The other problem with the support groups is that they are all oriented towards teens and parents of teens. There hasn�t been much research done on adults with Aspergers. My complaint with people who try to help me is that whatever I say, they just keep throwing it back in my face and tell me it�s not true. Or, as IODC keeps doing, they just keep telling me the same thing over and over again, as if it�s a prescription for everyone. How can you help me if you don�t believe anything I tell you? I am not �rebuffing� people, I am trying to explain to you why it�s not working for me. But instead of realizing that your advice isn�t working for me, you take it as a personal insult. How can you help if you start off with the assumption that all of the difficulties I am having are not real, but simply a result of just being stubborn? Post Reply
View Profile History	You can't handle the truth Posted : 9 Feb, 2012 12:52 PM when the jerk dumps them, they cry that there aren�t any good men. If you can�t find any good men, it�s not because God hasn�t brought one to you, it�s because you aren�t smart enough to look in the right place. :excited::laugh::rolleyes::goofball: Nope, I know there are good men. But many do not want marriage. :winksmile: Woman do not want a desperate man. Post Reply
View Profile History	You can't handle the truth Posted : 9 Feb, 2012 01:06 PM If they don't want marriage, then they aren't very good. Just because we want to get married doesn't mean that we are desperate. After all, why would we get married if we didn't want to get married? Post Reply
View Profile History	You can't handle the truth Posted : 9 Feb, 2012 01:19 PM Hi Cobbler There are plenty good men that do not want to get married for their own personal reasons. Many men who want to get married are not good men. Not all men that want to get married are desperate but some are. I am speaking from my own experience. Sorry, but I would marry just any man because he was a marrying type of man. Women look for different things in a guy. Not just that they want to get married. Some men are not even ready for marriage Yet they want a wife. :toomuch: Well, that leads to divorce. Choose wisely because divorce is 50% even amongs Christians. Post Reply
View Profile History	You can't handle the truth Posted : 9 Feb, 2012 01:38 PM So, you would rather waste your time chasing after a good man who doesn't want to get married simply because he catches your fancy, than to chase after a good man who wants to get married but is not as smooth of a character? That doesn't sound very wise to me. Post Reply

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