Author	Thread: You can't handle the truth
Admin	You can't handle the truth Posted : 5 Feb, 2012 10:12 AM Women say that they want an honest man who does not play games, but in reality that is not what they go after. I have seen so many times where women chase after a guy who tells them up front that they are not interested in marriage, and then they are shocked when he never gets around to proposing. But, they will never go out with someone who states up front that they want to get married because they think that we are too desperate. Women like guys that are confident, and I can understand why, but they never try to understand why the guy is confident in the first place. Their motivation behind their confidence is very important. I have seen plenty of men who are very confident around women because they have no desire to get married. It�s easy not to be shy when you have nothing to lose, even I can do that. True confidence comes from knowing what you are doing. There are a lot of men who are not confident because they don�t know what they are doing, but that does not mean that we can never learn. Women also complain that they can�t find a guy who is serious about marriage. The problem is that you run away from anyone who states up front that they are interested in marriage. You want to start out as �just friends�, there mustn�t be any hint of desiring the theoretical possibility that there might be an outside chance that there might me something more than just friends. In other words, we have to lie to you. We can�t be honest and open about our intentions, we have to keep them to ourselves. I hear so many times on these forums where women complain about there not being any good men, that they can�t find anyone who is willing to treat them honestly and to settle down in marriage. If you want an honest man, then stop running away from them when they tell you the truth. Stop chasing after guys who lie to you just so that you won�t run away. You say you want the truth, but you can�t handle the truth. Post Reply
View Profile History	You can't handle the truth Posted : 7 Feb, 2012 09:49 PM And you still keep avoiding my question. Post Reply
View Profile History	You can't handle the truth Posted : 7 Feb, 2012 11:04 PM Cobbler I apologize for any harm done. It was never my intention to offend, and since all my efforts have been rebuffed by you as belittling to your situation I can say nothing further. You keep misconstruing everything I say and "hearing" something else, so may God's grace be upon you and I hope you receive the answers you have been searching for. Just open your heart and I hope you are prepared for them. God bless.:waving: Post Reply
View Profile History	You can't handle the truth Posted : 8 Feb, 2012 04:34 AM IODC, I�m the one who is asking for help, and you keep asking me what am I going to do about it. I don�t know what to do. I do know a lot of things that don�t work, mostly your advice that I have tried over and over again and it doesn�t work. But it doesn�t matter how many times I try to tell you that, you just keep throwing it back in my face and asking me what I am going to do about it. How is that supposed to help. You aren�t willing to listen, so there is no point in taking your advice. Post Reply
View Profile History	You can't handle the truth Posted : 8 Feb, 2012 03:16 PM It's supposed to help by getting you to realize camping out on the computer isn't going to change anything or get you what you want. Experience is the best teacher. Get out of your own head, off of the computer and interact with a real person in the real world. Focus more on the external. And don't blame me or anyone else for your failures when you're the one that ultimately makes the decisions. You put everything out in such broach and general terms and then think you have a right to complain when you get general advice. I have a feeling you're fishing for that on this also because it's easier to do that than change or confront something about yourself you don't want to. Post Reply
View Profile History	You can't handle the truth Posted : 8 Feb, 2012 03:32 PM I just don't see what the point of all this is if you're not going to do anything. You don't need to have somebody, online no less, understand you. Get off the computer and go outside and play. Post Reply
View Profile History	You can't handle the truth Posted : 8 Feb, 2012 03:54 PM You say you've got Aspergers so a Google search should throw up some support groups you can call or your local doctor should be able to refer you to a specialist. As none of us are qualified to offer advice you need to speak to a trained professional because no matter how well-meaning, we're no substitute for the proper help you need. Incidentally, whilst writing this I took an online test which identifies autistic traits and I scored 37 (which is apparently well into the range of those with autism/Aspergers). Guess I should get myself checked out proper because it'd certainly explain a lot, though merely identifying something doesn't fix it! Post Reply
View Profile History	You can't handle the truth Posted : 8 Feb, 2012 06:20 PM Most of the support groups are non-Christian groups, so they have some very bad advice when it comes to dating. Also, there really isn�t much that a professional can do. Most of the problems that we Aspergian�s have is simply a matter of not knowing what to do. The way to help is for someone to sit down and walk us through things in extreme detail. The problem that most NT�s (Neural Typicals) have is a refusal to see our problem as a problem, and therefore they refuse to help. Really, the best person that can help me understand is the woman that I am trying to go out with. She is the one who is there and can tell me what I am doing wrong or right. But, because people don�t know what Asperger�s is about, they just think that I am not being myself, or that I am just weird, or something and they run away. It�s a catch 22 situation. If they knew me, they wouldn�t run away, but I have to keep them from running away so that they can get to know me. As far as people�s advice, I don�t mind advice, in fact I love it. Where I get frustrated is with people like IODC who refuse to believe that I have tried everything that he has suggested before and it hasn�t worked for me. Instead he just keeps telling me the same thing over and over again thinking that I will somehow understand. If he really had good intentions he would take the time to make sure that I understand. Instead he just feels that I am not willing to try and gives up. It is the responsibility of the teacher to make sure the student understands, not the other way around. My point is that people with Aspergers can be understood and helped if people would take the time to understand them. Instead, people just mistakenly think we don�t care or aren�t willing to try, so they just throw us aside. Let me ask you a question, IODC. A person is at a party, and he doesn�t know anyone there. On the other side of the room he sees a group of people talking and he would like to join the conversation. How would he go about doing that? Post Reply
View Profile History	You can't handle the truth Posted : 8 Feb, 2012 08:27 PM This is another thing I don't get, you whine and complain whenever I give advice and then you ask for it for it anyway. That being said though, with the goal being to meet just that one particular group, rather than just anybody you encounter with no agenda, which is more my style, I would just park myself just in vocal range of them and look for a chance to say something I thought was funny at the time that they would think is funny too, or just a general comment to put out there that would get a response and not really care what they think about me. I think it's also important to get used to being comfortable around people in general by exposure. Like going to a sportsbar with no agenda other than to get used to being around people. Post Reply
View Profile History	You can't handle the truth Posted : 8 Feb, 2012 09:09 PM You are right, the way to meet the people in the group is to stand nearby and listen for an opportunity to comment on what they are saying. But, the typical wisdom that most people will tell you is to just walk up to them and introduce yourself. That sounds like the logical thing to do, but it would actually be fairly awkward for those people. My point is that most advice that people give is simplistic and actually wrong. I�m not saying that people have evil intents, they just don�t think about what it actually takes to interact with someone. Basically all the advice that people give me is simplistic and wrong. But, when I point out how it won�t work, people get mad and tell me that I just don�t want to try. As far as your last comment, I have gotten used to being around people and just striking up a conversation. It took me until I was in my 30s to learn the advice you gave me, because everyone told me the wrong advice. But, while it may not seem like it to you, dating is a lot more complicated, and it�s not something that anyone can give easy advice on. I need help in other ways besides just some simple advice, and I know that people are not willing to do that. Post Reply
View Profile History	You can't handle the truth Posted : 9 Feb, 2012 01:17 AM How is dating more challenging than meeting people? That's not a challenge I just want to hear why you think that. Post Reply

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