Thread: Mine was broken, and it sucked the life out of me!
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Mine was broken, and it sucked the life out of me!
Posted : 2 Sep, 2013 04:56 PM
In 2003, when I was 23, I met this wonderful girl!
She was 16 at the time, and we met through the internet.
Never thought about a relationship. Both she and I just went through a breakup, and we could help each other a lot.
We both had a lot of time, and developed a friendship with each other. To the point of where I would not leave the house before sending her a message, and the first thing I'd do when coming home, was see if she wrote me.
We spent hours writing each other, every day, for one year long, before we decided that perhaps there was more than just friendship blooming here...
So I decided to visit her, and spend 2 weeks with her. She was very insecure, but it took me only 30 minutes to get accustomed to seeing her in real life, and we hit of spending 2 weeks, 24/7 with each other!
Didn't matter we where poor, had no car, had no place to go. We had each other!
In the next 3 years I was going back and forth between Miami and my home country; and in the last year, my company got sold off to China, for 3Bn euro's leaving them to pay me a 9k Eur bonus. As I received it, I made the jump and married her, and we where happily married for 6,5 years.
We built up our lives, became wealthier, had our own cars, and house, and then things changed.
She wanted a divorce, out of nowhere!
I loved her so much I even agreed on the separation; to give her what she wanted.
Unlike what I thought, though, she did not return after a while; but instead hardened her heart to not get together anymore with me.
I was heart broken. I know for sure I was a good husband to her. We had our issues, but she had lost interest over time. Marriage changes people, that's for sure!
It's been 6 months since she separated, and every now and then I still feel like going mad!
I understand why people resort to alcohol, get drunk and violent! Its not the man's fault he has to deal with all this anger which actually is the woman's fault!
The woman doesn't know it, but she causes so much problems by following her own paths, same when she would commit adultery!
And I also understand why men would commit suicide too! I've been struggling with that A LOT too!
It's not as much as my life falling apart, but the fact that there's no longer the will to live; and nothing soothes me anymore. The pain is intense, the moments of loneliness are long, and the thoughts (as to why? could it have been avoided?, Can we get together again? Will God deal with this, because I can't?) are never ending.
And from time to time the pain is so hard, that tears roll down my cheeks, and I don't understand why the Lord allows this to happen! It's in His power to bring her back, and if not her, find me someone that I can continue my life with!
Why does it have to take so long?
Why can't I find one person that is attracted to me, or if she is, why can't I feel attraction for her?
Why aren't there more spiritual women out there? Spirit filled, God loving women?
Mine was broken, and it sucked the life out of me!
Posted : 6 Sep, 2013 01:57 AM
LTM
I really understand what you saying after our previous chatts about relationships & marrieges
About you guys being on the driving seats.
Just wanna say this puts pressure on us ladies in choosing a mate too, it has to be someone we can entrust with our future, not to mention the fruit of our womb on the line, not only will I (the lady) have frustrations of a doomed future, we talking a number of people (your seeds planted in a womans womb) being dragged along in this whole thing if it fails.
Mine was broken, and it sucked the life out of me!
Posted : 8 Sep, 2013 10:03 AM
@OP:
I know how you feel when it seems God is watching with His hands behind His back, seemingly indifferent to the hurt and evil that is done. Read Revelation and you'll find the saints under the altar (that had been martyred for their faith) cried the same thing, but the point is this; it is because God is *merciful* not merciless, that the time of judgment is held back to give each one chance to repent and be saved. For those who will not repent, rest assured, that day is coming and there will be no escaping it.
Right now you're hurting and it's healing of your anger, your mistrust and your sense of betrayal that God wants to focus on, not another relationship, not yet. He may use people you already know, He may take you out of that and put you with those you don't know, but either way, He'll be with you, and at some point in the future, you'll be able to look back and say with certainty and gratitude that the Lord was with you and upheld you. For now have patience and just keep putting one foot in front of the other until He says otherwise.
Mine was broken, and it sucked the life out of me!
Posted : 27 Oct, 2013 12:10 AM
It's been almost 9 months, and a lot has happened!
Finding a good partner really helps focus the eyes away from everything.
I've had more work done in me than I thought was necessary.
I thought I'd get over it by week 2, but in the lonely moments, and other dates rejecting me, or not working out, made me come very close to the point of suicide again.
But I thank the Lord, He held on to me.
He lead me into forgiveness, and forgiveness for me, was the key to getting freed from this pain!
When I thought I had forgiven her, I realized how much more was still lingering in my heart, and I needed to forgive again, and again, and again!
It took me hours of praying and forgiving, until I was able to send her a letter, saying I forgave her, and would be happy with whatever choice she wanted for her own life.
She rejected me again there, but I did not feel offended anymore.
Like the above user said, there's a time of no return. The grace period is ending, and the Lord is slowly opening up a new path for me.
A good friend; we call each other each day, between 1 to 4 hours we just chat.
I'm going to see her this week for the first time, after weeks and weeks of phonecalls. She's a sweetheart, with such a pure and loving heart! And my heart just melts listening to her!
Out of all the dates I had before, I think this is the purest relationship I've had! She's pretty, she's smart, she's God loving, she's praying, she's responsible, she's loving, she's kind, she's funny, and she's got a heart of gold!
I could tell you so much more about her; but she's a friend now; that I bring to the Lord almost daily. If it be His will, He will either make it, or break it.
The grace period is finishing for my wife; I no longer have emotions for her, but would have taken her back because of what we already went through, but I know sooner or later, I'm going to fall in love again, and then it will be impossible to receive her back. At that point she would be too late, but I think I realize all too well she won't come back. She made up her mind, hardened her heart, and though it hurts to have someone reject you like that, I also know she doesn't know what she's doing, and digging her own grave. The time will come when she finds another man, where with she will stay, but that man won't treat her as nice as I.
And she will mourn for it all.
One thing she never had, was responsibility.
Hopefully she will learn it through this all, that your choices don't just happen without consequences.
Every choice you make has consequences, and there are responsibilities connected to them.
You can't expect to 'dump' someone for almost a year, and then regret your decisions, and expect everything to be sweetness and light again.
Separation is a grave sin towards God, AND towards your partner! And it does not go without consequences.
One can be happy or lucky when everything will be ok again; but when the separation passed a certain threshold of time, it'll be too late; at a point of no return; like should the case be that the other friendship I have start to bloom and become something more than friendship!
