Author	Thread: Hurt, Heartbroken, and Lost
Admin	Hurt, Heartbroken, and Lost Posted : 14 May, 2017 09:13 PM Hello Everyone!!!! I met a woman on here about a month ago from Nashville, TN. I never thought she would write me back but when she did I was surprised and happy. We started talking and hit it off so well. The more we talked the more we discovered how much we had in common. She told me right away that she could tell that she was falling for me. She also told me that she really wanted to meet me and that she wished she could just come over to my apartment and hang out. I told her that I wished the same. The next day we talked about meeting in person. I told her that I wasn't really comfortable traveling by myself because I've never done it before. I told her I would ask a good friend of mine to go with me but if he said no I told her that I was willing to take the plunge and come on my own. A few days later I contacted a travel agency here about booking a flight and hotel. The woman I spoke with told me if I went from June 3rd - June 10th I could get a flight for around $200. I told her this and all of a sudden I felt like her demeanor/attitude changed. She told me that she was glad I was coming but that she couldn't hang out with me for the entirety of my trip and that she could only hang out with me at night. I told her that that was okay and that we would figure something out. A few days later she left to travel to Nepal because she's a missionary/disaster relief responder and she works for Hope Force International and she was going to help the people over there. I didn't get to talk to her much and she didn't really talk to me while there. I started to feel like she was losing interest so I mentioned to her that she said in the beginning that she could tell that she was falling for me and I asked her if she still felt this way. I also reminded her that she said that she could not literally wait to meet me and I asked her if she still felt this way. I asked her these questions more than once because I wanted to be sure that she still liked me. She wrote me back and said: Now is not the time or place to have this conversation. The next morning I got a response from her that read: The answer to both questions is no. I feel like you're so insecure and that's a big turn off for me. You're a good guy. Just not for me. When I read that I was absolutely devastated. I felt like my heart had been ripped out of my chest. I was very hurt and heartbroken. I wondered to myself: How could someone who I like a lot do this to me? How did this happen? Granted, before all of this I was very scared to tell her that I have Cerebral Palsy because I was afraid that she would stop talking to me like every other woman in my past. She didn't and I was very happy. Anyway....ever since all of this happened I have tried talking to her but she won't talk to me. She has blocked me from sending her messages on Facebook. She also unfriended me on Facebook. I liked her so much and I felt so strongly about her that I told her that I was willing to move to Nashville, TN to make things work. I shared personal things with her about my life that I don't share with just anyone. She made me so happy that people at my church said they could notice a difference in me. They said they noticed a change in my personality and my attitude. I felt like I finally met the person that I was supposed to be with. I felt like God was telling me that this was the woman he wanted me to be with. I cannot get this woman out of my head. I cannot stop thinking about her. She means a lot to me. If a woman can make me feel this way then I know that she is special. I wanted to become closer to God because of her. I wanted to be a better person because of her. I've never felt like this with anyone else. I was so happy and now I feel lost. I feel depressed. I feel like I've hit rock bottom. My heart really hurts. I feel lost without her. I don't understand how someone could be so interested in me and then a few days later tell me that she's no longer interested in me. I don't understand how someone could be so excited that they want to meet me to they are no longer interested in me that they think I'm so insecure. Now, I know you all will think I'm crazy but this all happened within a week. I know that's not long but I believe anyone can fall in love. Have any of you experienced something like this? Part of me wants to move on but a big part of me doesn't. How do I move on? I'm having a real hard time with this. I miss her text messages. I miss talking to her. Someone who I'm very close with at my church told me to write her a letter so I did. I want to send it to her but I feel like sending her a letter won't do any good. I feel like she won't even open it and if she does I feel like she'll tear it up and throw it in the garbage. Does anyone have any suggestions? Any ideas? I don't think I'll ever be the same again. Post Reply
View Profile History	Hurt, Heartbroken, and Lost Posted : 15 May, 2017 12:29 AM Bin there done that. In actual fact SHE is the insecure one, you exited her when you were a fantasy but as soon as it became a possible reality she just did not "feel it" anymore. Her attraction to you was superficial and she sounds like the type that did not outgrow the "serially in love" schoolgirl phase... or I'm being too judgemental. Most woman today, especially the young one's that have comparitively had everything socially given to them on a silver platter, want to have a man that provides everything they want (instead of need) but balk at actually sacrificing anything themselves. Any coward can fall in love, it's loving that takes courage. And real love is never dependant of the mixed waves of how you happen to feel at any given moment. Partly for these reasons, and partly because I loose patience with foolishness quickly, I personally dont completely do the "put the best foot forward" deception that most people do when "dating", it seperates the wheat from the chaff and the woman that wont be scared off by the real me is the woman that will deserve to be at my side anyway. I know it hurts but count yourself lucky because you probably dodged a bullet. Don't mistake the weakness that lonelyness brings (for anyone of either side) for weakness of character, it's how you weather the storm that comes your way that matters not how well the ship you are saddled with is built. Post Reply
View Profile History	Hurt, Heartbroken, and Lost Posted : 15 May, 2017 07:19 AM Well, she told me that she was/is a very strong person. She also told me that she wanted to be pursued and have her prince come rescue her. She said she's the one who has pursued other guys but she wanted to be pursued. I was willing to do that. I told one of my guy friends about this and he explained it to me this way....she's a strong person who wants a strong alpha male who is decisive and will take charge. You said she sounds like the type that did not outgrow the "serially in love" schoolgirl phase. She sure outgrew it quick because she was so quick to drop me. Post Reply
View Profile History	Hurt, Heartbroken, and Lost Posted : 15 May, 2017 09:16 AM No what I meant by that is the tendency to want to be in love... with a different guy every second week. But also to never want to actually get really serious. It's an individual addicted to the honeymoon phase. What you describe is someone that (generalizing and simplifying) ties her level of self worth directly to having someone falling all over her and showering her with attention. She thinks that having someone running around after her and showing little care for how hard she plays hard to get (basically a obnoxious jerk) and then eventually winning her over is a good thing.... but basically it's just that she wants a relationship that feeds her ego. She wants the alpha male that does not really need anyone but wants her, which is stupid because anyone you want more than need doesn't really mean all that much to you anyway.... "wants" change all the time.... also female shining armor knight fantasies in general are NUTS with no relation to reality at all especially in modern life that basically makes it impossible to do unless you happen to be wealthy enough. Many woman very easily complain about men wanting "sex objects" instead of actual woman but conveniently ignore that they themselves want "success objects" instead of actual men. Personally I will pursue a woman but I won't do the whole jumping through hoops and eat up nonsense just because of a childish need to feel superficially needed... which is fun sometimes because it completely confuses some of them hahaha Lots of otherwise smart woman fall for complete jerks because these men "play the game" and then wonder why they never really meant all that much in the end when the players get bored and move on... any system other than open honesty can be cheated. Post Reply
View Profile History	Hurt, Heartbroken, and Lost Posted : 15 May, 2017 02:39 PM Well, that's just crazy. If you never want to actually get really serious with someone then what's the point of being on here? What's the point of talking to someone and getting to know them? You're just playing with someone's feelings and that's not right. i wouldn't say I fell all over her. She's the one who said she was falling for me. Having someone run around after her and showing little care for how hard she plays hard and eventually winning her over is not a good thing. Again, you're playing with someone's feelings. I don't like it when a woman does that. I would rather she just come out and tell me. I'm not for playing games. I'm not sure what you mean when you say she just wants a relationship that feeds her ego. I don't need anyone and I wouldn't say I wanted her. I liked her because we got along so well. She said she felt a connection with me and that she was so happy that she might have found someone extra special. I must have not meant that much to her if she was so quick to drop me. What gets me is she said all of these things and more. You don't say things like that if you're not serious. You don't say things like that if the person doesn't mean that much to you. I'm not wealthy and neither is she. She works for Hope Force International and doesn't make a salary. At least that's what she told me. I asked her how she makes a living if she doesn't make a salary and she said she gets help from her family, church family, friends, etc. She recently just got a house and when I asked her how she got it if she doesn't make a salary she said her family, friends, church friends, etc helped her get it. I don't play any game. I was just trying to get to know her. She said she felt I was so insecure because I asked her a couple of questions once or twice and to her that was a big turn off. Post Reply
View Profile History	Hurt, Heartbroken, and Lost Posted : 15 May, 2017 11:00 PM Lesson 1, woman are from the male perspective... nuts. They do all sorts of things that make no long term logical sense mostly because of how they happen to feel at any given moment. This does not make them bad people just different. The question is how much courage does the individual have to overcome this natural handicap and treat other people unselfishly. Men on the other point of the balance tend to sometimes rely too much on logic... no one is perfect. In my case the woman moved fast enough, I followed the signals I was getting and moved fast too... then she suddenly got quiet and after a eventually forced interrogation she admitted that she thought I "moved too fast". Basically (not that she would admit it) she got scared and did not have the courage to actually tell me how to slow down, instead beforehand I got hints and was recommended to read a specific help-yourself book on how to date woman.... which was the typical guide for men on "how to play the game" if you boil it down to the the basics. When I refused this kind of dishonest sham she just said goodbye. Post Reply
View Profile History	Hurt, Heartbroken, and Lost Posted : 16 May, 2017 05:19 AM Lesson 1, woman are from the male perspective... nuts. They do all sorts of things that make no long term logical sense mostly because of how they happen to feel at any given moment. This does not make them bad people just different. The question is how much courage does the individual have to overcome this natural handicap and treat other people unselfishly. Men on the other point of the balance tend to sometimes rely too much on logic... no one is perfect. In my case the woman moved fast enough, I followed the signals I was getting and moved fast too... then she suddenly got quiet and after a eventually forced interrogation she admitted that she thought I "moved too fast". Basically (not that she would admit it) she got scared and did not have the courage to actually tell me how to slow down, instead beforehand I got hints and was recommended to read a specific help-yourself book on how to date woman.... which was the typical guide for men on "how to play the game" if you boil it down to the the basics. When I refused this kind of dishonest sham she just said goodbye. If there is anything I have learned from this it's that women change their minds like men change their shirts. She is the one who moved fast. She is the one who asked me to come see her in Nashville, TN right away. I went along with it and started making plans because I wanted to see her too. Like you, I followed the signals as well. I felt like I was getting mixed signals. First she wanted me to come see her in Nashville, TN and then when I started making plans and I told her I felt like she quickly changed her mind. Granted, she was busy and I can understand that but I feel like if someone is truly interested in you they will make time for you whether they are busy or not. I felt like by her saying I'm happy you're coming but I can't hang out with you for the entirety of your trip I can only hang out with you at night she was blowing me off. She had also said she was renovating her home so that some renters could move in. If she thought I was moving too fast she should've said something and told me to slow down. Again, she sent me signals that she really liked me and that she was goo goo gaga over me and that she wanted me to come see her right away. What is the book called? When she said goodbye what did you do? How did you move on? Did she say things like I feel a connection with you? Did she say things like I feel like I've met someone extra special? Did she say things like I feel God smiling down on this relationship? She said all of these things to me. I was honest with her the whole time. I had no reason to hide anything. The only thing I was scared about was telling her about my disability. I was afraid that she would turn the other way and run and never talk to me again like so many women have done before. She didn't do that. She accepted it and told me that she admired me because of how much I have been through in my life and yet I was still going. She just didn't like the fact that I would ask her once or twice how she was feeling about us. I did that because I wanted to know. I wanted to be sure. Because of that she said she felt like I was so insecure and that was a big turn off for her. I just don't understand how someone could say all of these things and then just drop me. The least she could do is be friends with me if nothing else. The least she could do is hear me out and give me another chance. I mean when you hit a bump in the road and problems occur I was always told that it's best to work things out instead of just quitting and throwing in the towel. I guess the only thing I can do now is send her the letter I wrote to her. Not that it will do any good because I don't think it will make a difference but at least I've told her how I feel. I'll read the letter to you in my next post and you tell me what you think. Deal? Post Reply
View Profile History	Hurt, Heartbroken, and Lost Posted : 16 May, 2017 07:38 AM "When I refused this kind of dishonest sham she just said goodbye." Well that was actually simplifying a period of dead silence or heated argument. I was in a hurry this morning and all the minor details of the thing need not be aired publically anyway. She at one point actually said lets just be friends if you want to and I said no because I have never been able to feel such strong chemestry with someone and JUST be friends, just not capable of it. Also I completely forgot the books name. A more honest (and funny) book you might want to look for though is "why men don't listen and woman can't read maps" just ignore the simplistic evolution parts of the explinations. I had my fuming and blaiming her for everythng that went wrong but soon enough I realized that we were simply not a good fit anyway and my mix of emotions and hormones were clouding my judgement. This was also the first and only time a woman's sensually (not specifically sexually just talking to her) had overwhelmed me and had me thinking every other thing than straight merely because of that. Everything that attracted me to her personality wise was also just wishful thinking, shadows instead of substance. Still a bit sore but that's mostly because of her rank hipocracy on a lot of things and me allowing myself to get caught up in the idea of her I had formed in my mind... so mostly I'm annoyed with myself. You don't just get over anyone, every break is different and needs it's own kind of healing. The only thing you are obligated to work out is a break in a marriage where both parties have previously with their vows tied themselves to each other. You can write her that letter but don't do it expecting anything from her, that would not be fair to either of you. Sometimes it's better to just take no for no, you never got a fair chance to begin with just empty fantasy that she terminated when reality became too uncomfortable... IF she told you everything. And no it's better to keep it private, the deep details are none of anyone's business other than you two. Regarding your disability my advice is to start out with that with new people, stand firm and show the world you are not weak even when you tremble on the inside. And if someone asks freely (and fearlessly) admit your terror, that way only the woman that actually deserve you will talk to you. Courage is not never being scared, it's being terrified and fighting anyway. You cannot be held responsible for the levels of courage of others, only your own. Post Reply
View Profile History	Hurt, Heartbroken, and Lost Posted : 16 May, 2017 08:47 AM She said lets just be friends? Well, at least you were honest. This woman won't even do that. It just breaks my heart. I poured out my soul and told this woman everything about me because I believe in being completely honest and she hurt me. I'll have to look into that book. I'm not blaming her for everything. We are both at fault. I simply trusted her with what she was telling me. Maybe I shouldn't have been so trusting? What I do blame her for is asking me to come see her in Nashville and then changing her mind and playing with my feelings. I wasn't overwhelmed at all. I felt totally comfortable with her after I told her about my disability and she was okay with it. I will say that not only am I upset with her but I'm mad at myself as well. If I didn't ask her those questions she still might be talking to me. You're right....you don't just get over someone. It takes time to heal. Granted, we were only talking for a week. Can you imagine how heartbroken I would've been had I gone to see her and she told me all of this in person? I'm not expecting anything from her. I believe that she won't even open the letter or maybe she will and not even read it or she'll open it and read it and then throw the letter away. I just think she needs to know how I feel. You're right....I never really got a fair chance. I told her that you can't really get to know someone through text. You have to be around them to get a sense of what a person is really like. She did share with me some personal things that I didn't know about. I don't like to start out telling people about my disability. I feel like right off the bat woman will judge me for it and they have. I can't even tell you how many times I've been rejected because of my disability. I look physically different than most people and that scares some women. What bothers me is that when I've told some women about my disability they automatically assume that I'm sick and bed ridden or that I can't do anything and that's not the case. What these women need to realize is that I was born with a disability and I can't help it. What they also need to realize is that I'm a great guy despite my disability. It just bothers me that women don't give me a chance. And to be honest I hate my disability but I know there is nothing I can do about it except embrace it and hope that someone comes along and doesn't judge me for it. If I had a choice I would've been born physically normal like everyone else. I did admit my terror to this woman in Nashville. I told her that I was scared to tell her about my disability because I was afraid that she would stop talking to me like a lot of women have. Anyway....here is the letter I wrote to her: Dear Karen, I wanted to take this opportunity to write you a heartfelt letter. The moment I met you I felt a sense of great joy. I felt a sense of happiness that I have never felt before. I felt excitement that I met someone special. I felt acceptance and a sense of relief that I didn't need to be scared. When I told people about you, a huge smile came across my face. I couldn't stop talking about you. People told me that they could see a huge change in my personality and attitude. You made me so happy that I wanted to to be a better person. You made me so happy that wanted to become closer to God. You made me so happy that I felt the love of God through you. When I look at your photos and I see that wonderful smile and I look into your eyes see the love of God. I see a remarkable and incredible woman. I see a woman who is strong and has such a great compassion for others. I see a woman who wants to help others and a woman who is so willing to share her life with others. I see a woman who will be a great mother someday. I see a woman who will change the lives of others by helping them get back to their normal lives through Hope Force International. I see a woman who will bring many people to Christ by sharing God's love and his message. I see a woman after God's own heart. Karen, I want to tell you that I'm so glad I met you. I'm truly sorry from the bottom of my heart for the way things turned out. We are not perfect. We all make mistakes but we can celebrate that God is a forgiving God and no matter what mistakes we make He can always forgive us. I hope that someday you can forgive me and will give me a second chance. You mean a lot to me and I want you in my life. May God bless you and everything you do. God Bless, Chris Let me know what you think. Post Reply
View Profile History	Hurt, Heartbroken, and Lost Posted : 17 May, 2017 04:56 AM Never be sorry for being what you are, you are as God wanted you to be given whatever genetic material was on hand at the time. Sometimes someone is born specifically to be different to everyone else. I have nor will ever for all I know fit in anywhere, not for physical as much as mental or temperamental reasons. For a long time I was angry at the world for not accepting me, and sometimes at God too for making me so strangely. At some point though I got it out of my system and basically grew up. Now I think that perhaps God sometimes needs someone that does not agree with any particular group on everything and my purpose in life is to alarm and provoke thought or something to shock people out of their old comfortable lazy ways of thinking and actually THINK for once. My nature is to point out uncomfortable things and have people shout at me so.... here I am randomly breaking into preaching to random strangers online as if I have actual authority. Only you can decide how worthy you are, Satan tends to have some kind of helper nearby to shout at us (no audibly) in our own voices into our heads how terrible we are as persons until we too believe it. The very moment you give an opening the shouting becomes a screaming, do not be fooled. People are superficial, if you are honest you wll admit to be just as guilty of this as everyone else. Do not try to fool people into loving you, the only person you will fool is yourself. If someone cannot give you the time of day because of her own fear or weakness then move on, don't let the world decide for you what you are. Take my clumsy advice or leave it, if I can plant a good seed I'm happy enough. The letter is fine, just make sure nothing in it is exagerated or put in merely to soften her feelings otherwise it might be interpreted to be (or actually be as I myself have seen in hindsight) false or deceptive. Personally I prefer to not do any laundry in public so I won't ever air such correspondence but to each his own (ironic as the term is). Post Reply
View Profile History	Hurt, Heartbroken, and Lost Posted : 17 May, 2017 07:40 AM I'm not sorry for what I am. I just don't like that part about me but there's nothing I can do about it. If people were accepting and looked past my disability then it wouldn't bother me so much and I wouldn't hate that part about me. You might have been angry at the world but you're physically normal so people see you as the same as them. I know I'm worthy. I deserve love just like everyone else. I deserve to be happy just like everyone else. I don't think I'm a terrible person. I just used terrible judgement and asked her those questions when I shouldn't have. You said if someone can't give me the time of day because of her own fear or weakness then move on. That's easier said than done. Nothing in the letter is exaggerated. I wasn't trying to soften her feelings. I was simply telling her how I feel. You may not air such correspondence but I'm not you. I don't care if other people can see what I wrote. Everything I wrote in the letter came from my heart. Everything I wrote is how I feel. Post Reply

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