In reading a recent profile from here, I took note of the mention of 'Chemistry', in regards to dating. The author seemed to be very opposed to chemistry being a factor, in any way.
Then, I reread my own profile, and realized that I had indeed written of chemistry being of some importance. My first thought was, 'oh, I should probably edit that out'. But on reflection, I'm not so sure. So, I'd like to present my argument here...and welcome any who might want to shoot holes in it, which may encourage me to reconsider my position.
First, what constitutes good chemistry (or attraction) for me. A man who is a Christian...someone who shares my beliefs and faith (though we don't have to agree on everything)...who has a growing, maturing, deepening relationship with our Lord...who will be able to teach me, lead me...and bring out the 1 Corinthians 13 love from me, for him. A man who knows how to be just that...a MAN. Confidence (yet with a teachable spirit), intelligence, a heart for others...all are turn-ons. Someone who practices good hygiene (sure, he can get sweaty...just not stay that way). A person who treats me like a lady (flowers, opened doors, not letting me 'go dutch'...though I may offer)...this may seem superficial, but again...my version of chemistry.
What I perceive as chemistry from a man. He will be attracted to my relationship with Christ first (hopefully). He will also be attracted to my appearance (why do you think even us Christian ladies try to be well groomed, wear make-up, even choose a nice fragrance perhaps...we want to be our best for you, both inside and out). There may be some (very rare) men, to whom appearance really doesn't matter...perhaps it is that they are accustomed to seeing people through 'Jesus eyes'...(I've been blessed with doing so myself, but not often enough). Men are by nature much more visual creatures (I know, we're to overcome the natural man...but we all only attain certain levels in meeting that goal), to deny that is (imo) an error. A man may be attracted by my vitality...my physical affection (not meant in an intimate way, but rather that...if anyone needs a hug, I'm your girl),...my open and transparent nature...perhaps even my favorite Scripture (Romans 8:1...probably because I need it...:). To me, all of these things (and many more), will constitute whether a man will feel chemistry toward me. These same qualities may be the very ones which result in him not feeling an attraction.
I don't think of chemistry in terms of lust. That's not somewhere I even want my mind going. But when I do feel it, I think about how nice it would be to hold hands, hug, perhaps even kiss. Someone I don't consider this about, is probably going to be relegated to the 'friend' category. If I know it's heading that direction, I believe it's unfair and misleading to encourage anything else.
So, for someone to say chemistry is irrelevant to a relationship...sounds a bit unrealistic to me. Maybe the problem lies in a differnce in interpretation of the word? Perhaps it's a goal toward which we should strive, but I don't think many of us will reach it, in this life. To simply 'write off' those who would think chemistry matters is, I think, a mistake.
Praying that everyone who reads this will have a Blessed Thanksgiving...filled with Joy and Peace...and with an awareness of the Love Christ has for you. I too am learning how difficult the holidays can be for those of us who don't have a significant other. Guess that describes most of us on here.
Very good post. This subject is discussed at length in the ask a guy section. You are an uncommon lady. Most women and men for that matter, consider chemistry to be physical attraction based purely on the body's reaction to another.
A quick overview of the discussion is, there is nothing wrong with noticing the beauty of another person. It is when you start noticing only the physical beauty that you are in danger of lusting. We are lustful creatures, and changing the name from lust to chemistry is only deceiving yourself.
Two quick points and I am done. First, I am like you, there is nothing more beautiful than a woman in love with the Lord. She glows with joy, and you can see the love and feel it flowing from her like a river. She radiates both like a ray of sunshine on a winter day. If you can't feel that, I feel sorry for you, but that doesn't come from her, but from God.
It is only when we can separate ourselves from the physical aspect of attraction that we will be truly happy. The flesh can not be satisfied, it always wants more, and when there is no more to give, then it wants different and the cycle begins anew. Writing about the importance of chemistry in your profile just says to me that you are trying to justify lust of the flesh. If you are truly looking at the spiritual side, it is not chemistry, but love.
Love is a choice, we can love anyone we choose, up until we choose not to love, then we stop. Oops, lied about the two things, sorry.
I agree with you and also have much the same definition of chemistry. I think it's an initial meeting of the minds. I've often said I wish people looked more on the outside what they were on the inside! It would make life so much easier. However, I have found that the outside is just a shell and often, once you get to know a person, the outside really isn't what you see at all but the true inner person that can be beautiful whatever the exterior! Having said that, you are right! Most (I said MOST) men are truly of a visual nature. I thought your response was educated and well written!
