Author	Thread: Background check
Admin	Background check Posted : 3 Jan, 2011 05:32 PM I have run into a challenge w/ someone I want to date. My job requires anyone who lives w/me over the age of 18 to have CBI background check done including myself. So obviously if I continue to date a man and we eventually marry, we will live together. Is this something that should be discussed early on in the dating relationship and therefore possibly be a deal breaker? Post Reply
View Profile History	Background check Posted : 3 Jan, 2011 05:39 PM I don't think it needs to be discussed early on. Wait at least three months after dating --- that is a good general time period and you should know by then (or have a pretty good idea) whether he is someone you will stay with. Adding too much at the beginning puts too much pressure on, I think. Get to know him first and spend time with him. Post Reply
View Profile History	Background check Posted : 3 Jan, 2011 05:45 PM I have begun to do just that (getting to know him) and have gotten emotionally attached to this man to find out after only 5 weeks of talking he has a record. I am almost devastated and at a loss as to what to do now. Post Reply
View Profile History	Background check Posted : 3 Jan, 2011 06:44 PM Give him a chance to explain. How long ago was it? Has he repented? Is it something that's going to be a thorn in his side for the rest of his life, and if so, can you deal with that? If you are attached to him, and he to you, I think you ought to at least hear him out. You can proceed from there. Some good friends of mine - he was a gang leader and drug dealer. He got saved in prison and is now a wonderful man of God. He and his wife are putting their lives back together now, and it's an uphill struggle for them. But for those of us who have given them "a chance", we are truly blessed to have them in our lives. I know not every case is this way, but in my humble opinion, it's at least worth finding out. Post Reply
View Profile History	Background check Posted : 3 Jan, 2011 07:41 PM You would lose your job if someone living/married to you has a background? Or maybe it's just certain things they won't accept for you to still be living with him? Post Reply
View Profile History	Background check Posted : 3 Jan, 2011 07:42 PM Those are all good ideas, mountainlass. The difficulty that shecindy is running into is that if she does fall in love with him and wants to marry him, she will have to give up her current job. While she may forgive him, the CBI background check won�t. She could stick with him and see if her love for him is strong enough to give up her job and start a new life with him. Or, she could stick around, fall in love, but realize that she can�t give up her job for him, and have her heart torn into for it. My suggestion, if he is willing to tell you that he has a record, then you should be able to tell him of your job requirements. Post Reply
View Profile History	Background check Posted : 3 Jan, 2011 09:18 PM Its not up to me in regards to the background check, anything negative is considered a "mark" and yes, therefore I would have to give up my job. My job is a gift from God and my passion in life. I have already given this man my heart without even intending to. That's why I am so beside myself now. Post Reply
View Profile History	Background check Posted : 4 Jan, 2011 03:48 AM Choosing between what is good for you and what is bad for you is an easy decision. Some of the hardest decisions we have to make in life are between two good things. You know that your job is a gift from God. Now you have to decide if this man is also a gift from God, or if you have given your heart to the wrong man. My advice (and it�s worth what you are paying for it), if you truly believe that your job is a gift from God, then he is not a gift from God as well. God would not give you two different gifts that conflict with each other. If you do break it off, as future advice, I would let a potential person know very early on that you have this special requirement. I once tried to start a relationship with a woman who was a missionary, and she let me know within the first few emails that her mission board would have to approve of the marriage, or she would not marry me. Of course, I am the type that prefers to let people critical information up front. Post Reply
View Profile History	Background check Posted : 4 Jan, 2011 06:16 AM Ok, I understand a bit better now. Cobbler has given good advice, as usual. Consider this: This man has captured your heart, and you feel your job is a gift of God. Is there a way for you to do your job, or something very like it, where it does not require a background check? This is assuming, of course, that you have talked over with him what his "record" is, and discussed his repentence, etc. What I am saying is, if God has given you gifts that allow you to be blessed in your job ---- is there another job you can do that can also use those same gifts, but not require a background check? Post Reply
View Profile History	Background check Posted : 4 Jan, 2011 06:44 PM After further research about this, I have found out only certain things on a background check would cause me to give up my job. In my case, we get to move forward. Praise God!:angel: All things work together for good....Romans 8:28. Post Reply
View Profile History	Background check Posted : 4 Jan, 2011 09:14 PM wonderful! praise praise praise God! I love happy endings - happy ending to this situation anyway. :) Post Reply