Author	Thread: The "Spark"
elgas View Profile History	The "Spark" Posted : 27 Dec, 2010 07:07 AM I have been on a couple of first dates that the girl said she did not feel a spark between us, and did not want to meet for a second date. Now I am the type of person that, gennerally speeking, people don't feel that spark until later. What do I and other people like me do? Post Reply
View Profile History	The "Spark" Posted : 27 Dec, 2010 09:11 AM Bring matches and let the sparks fly!:ROFL: Post Reply
View Profile History	The "Spark" Posted : 27 Dec, 2010 09:34 AM Elgas, when you can figure it out, let me know. Creating "spark" is a lot like love, you can't make somebody love you, and you can make someone feel "sparks". In my personal opinion, women that turn a guy down after one date solely for the reason that there were no "sparks" are just being selfish and self centered. How many people are completly relaxed and at ease on a first date. As long as the guy isn't a creap she should give him a second date. I have said it before, there is only one person on this planet who knows what makes you happy, and that's you. The only way anybody else can know what that is, is if you tell them. Expecting someone else to "just know" is very selfish and self-centered. Post Reply
View Profile History	The "Spark" Posted : 27 Dec, 2010 10:13 AM First thing you should do is get rid of the word 'date' and get rid of the idea of it, and never use it until you are close to a committed relationship. To go on a "date" with someone you barely know puts to much pressure on you to make something romantic happen and puts pressure on her to 'decide' if you are 'spark worthy'. The best thing to do is to do something you enjoy and invite her along. She will either have fun and enjoy it to, or she won't. Above all else, do NOT try to make something happen, let it happen. Be genuine, and remember happiness, joy, excitement and passion are contagious, therefore you must feel them first. Women say they want a man to lead. We men get confused about what that means like we have to be the perfect leader, when in truth what it really means is they want a man who is not afraid to make mistakes and not make a big deal out of anything. This creates a atmosphere where she can be herself. She doesn't have to be perfect, she can have fun and not be afraid to make mistakes either because your focus is not on each other, it is on the thing you are doing together. You get all of that going for you she will have more than a spark, she will have a glowing ember in her that glows even brighter in your presence. Post Reply
View Profile History	The "Spark" Posted : 27 Dec, 2010 01:09 PM TS has a good point. I have "met" several men for the first time and made it clear that we were not on a date. I could feel the pressure coming from him to decide if he was the one I wanted to be with, and quite frankly, that is a turn off. When we talked and agreed about the friendship thing happening naturally and see where it goes from there? It was much easier to see him again. I have a couple good friends that came out of this type of first meeting. They were mature enough to say after a few times of hanging out, that there was spark, but they could see that we had very different interests and needed to let it stay a friendship. Some others were not so mature and got offended to the point of saying I was too picky. Well, in my humble opinion, I shouldn't have to "work" up feelings for a guy. As time goes on, you can tell if you are compatible and the "sparks" are there. It can be bad to have big sparks :excited: in the beginning because you just get swept up into that and it makes everything else fade that is important for deciding if there is compatibility in other areas, to spend a lifetime together. Post Reply
rainbowian View Profile History	The "Spark" Posted : 27 Dec, 2010 02:02 PM I think "the spark" is overrated. It's not something that will result in a long-term relationship. If it did, then why is the divorce rate so high? Post Reply
View Profile History	The "Spark" Posted : 27 Dec, 2010 02:16 PM A-men!:applause: Post Reply
View Profile History	The "Spark" Posted : 27 Dec, 2010 06:35 PM Sounds like she is speed dating instead of dating. Making a quick, superficial assessment of you, labeling you, stamping you, and moving on. First dates (or the first time you meet, if you don't want to use the word "date") has too much pressure on both sides to really know someone. You need to give yourself time, and give the other person time, to get to know each other. Sorry to hear about your experience. Not all ladies are like that. Post Reply
elgas View Profile History	The "Spark" Posted : 27 Dec, 2010 06:49 PM Thanks for all the advice; Now is there a way that one can chane that "no spark" excuse from the first encounter and, for lack of a better word "sell" a second? Post Reply
View Profile History	The "Spark" Posted : 27 Dec, 2010 08:36 PM This worked for me but may not for others. A local man I met on here totally understood my heart when I shared gently with him that I did not want to date as I did not feel we were compatible. That was the second meeting and he was fine with it. Now, we occasionally have dinner and a movie and talk about our lives and kids. He also told me that he was still looking for his partner, which took a lot of pressure off. When I see a profile that says looking for a friend, it is easier for me to answer his private message or wink or even message him. Even if he has marriage partner on his profile, but is open to the fact that we may not be meant for each other and agrees to accept that if one of us feels that, makes it easier to talk to or see him again. Not everyone is that flexible, unfortunately, some feel that if they are digging you, that is all that matters. :( Maybe you could let her know that you totally understand that a friendship may be all that comes of meeting each other and no pressure to pursue anything else, might help? Post Reply
View Profile History	The "Spark" Posted : 27 Dec, 2010 09:39 PM I think you best bet for the spark is ya gotta be sharp. That means not worrying and being honest. It's not like you want to feel like it's a chore to be around somebody, or for them to feel that way about you. I'm a fan of the spark and keeping things fresh. Post Reply

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