Author	Thread: Choice vs. Feeling
Admin	Choice vs. Feeling Posted : 7 Dec, 2010 03:11 AM Which do you think comes first, choosing to love someone, or the feeling of love? Do you feel love because of someone�s actions, or do you choose to show love because you feel like it? Post Reply
anyann View Profile History	Choice vs. Feeling Posted : 7 Dec, 2010 03:33 AM my answer is - the feeling comes first..if you have lost it then it's possible to restore feeling of love by good will and right actions. Post Reply
Mercymay View Profile History	Choice vs. Feeling Posted : 7 Dec, 2010 04:37 AM I think you feel you like the person first through his looks and actions, then you feel you admire his actions more, then feel to choose to love him. The challenge is to stay on choosing to love when that someone stop doing things admirable, or stop choosing to love you in return after sometime. The funny thing is, when you already have fallen in love with the person, love covers all wrong. You don�t see the wrong he is doing, always have justification to the wrong he is doing. When after sometime you stop this justifying thing, I think then you stop loving. It is a big risk to choose to love, but how can you find true love if you wont take the risk? I mean true love as a choice by two persons to stay in love with each other for a lifetime. Covering and justifying each other�s wrong for a lifetime possible? Hard cause for yourself you can choose to stay in love but how about the other person? Post Reply
View Profile History	Choice vs. Feeling Posted : 7 Dec, 2010 06:13 AM The feeling. Actions lead to feelings. Post Reply
View Profile History	Choice vs. Feeling Posted : 7 Dec, 2010 06:16 AM Godslamb, I'm a little confused. You state that the feelings come first, the you state that the actions lead to feelings. So which one comes first? Post Reply
anyann View Profile History	Choice vs. Feeling Posted : 7 Dec, 2010 06:38 AM God LOVED (feeling) us first..and SENT (action) His Son.. Post Reply
anyann View Profile History	Choice vs. Feeling Posted : 7 Dec, 2010 06:42 AM sorry, i'm not godslamb Post Reply
bcpianogal View Profile History	Choice vs. Feeling Posted : 7 Dec, 2010 08:42 AM I think it depends on what type of love we are talking about. As a Christian, I choose to love a lot of unlovable people because God commands it. That is most definitely a choice. I can choose to love someone that I don't even like. However, since this is a dating site, I'm sort of assuming that we are talking about a more romantic love! I think it's a combination of choice and feeling. If a guy is very compatible with me, and if I genuinely like and respect him, and if I can see myself being able to live with him for the rest of my life, then I can choose to love him. However, I do NOT think that I could choose to love (in a romantic sense) a man who got on my nerves constantly, or who constantly disagrees with me and I with him, or even someone whom I find to be extremely repulsive physically. There has to be some inkling of a feeling there for me to make that choice. Did that make sense at all? My parents had a wonderful marriage. My mom and dad demonstrated their love for each other in so many ways. As a child, I wanted to have a marriage just like that. I still want a marriage just like that. When my dad passed away 15 years ago, I thought it would kill my mom. It was as though half of her died with him. I shared that because of what my mom told me not too long ago. She said that when she agreed to marry my dad, it was because she felt that he was probably about the best she would be able to get. She wasn't terribly attracted to him physically, but she liked him just fine. They had the same priorities in life, the same spiritual interests, and the same goals. She made the choice to love him. Once they got married, she genuinely "fell in love" with him, and that love grew stronger each day...that's the love that I saw for the first 12 years of my life. My best friend tells me that she felt the same way about her husband. She liked and respected him while they were courting, but she did not love him. However, she knew that he was someone that she could spend the rest of her life with, and who would make a great husband and father. So she married him. After 4 years of marriage, she told me that she didn't know it was possible to love someone as much as she loves him now...and that their love is growing every day. Yes, I definitely thing that it's a combination of feeling and choice. Post Reply
View Profile History	Choice vs. Feeling Posted : 7 Dec, 2010 10:22 AM So why is the divorce rate lower for arranged marriages based on choice than for those who get married based on feelings? Do you know the answer? A relationship based on feelings is based on what you can 'get' from another person, 'what they can do for you' ie : they make 'feel' in love. A relationship based on choice is based on is based on what you can 'give' the other person, 'what you can do for them' ie : 'how can I love them' In summary : A relationship based on feelings is based on selfishness, a relationship based on choice is based on Love. Luke 6:32 " If you love those who love you what credit is that to you even sinners love those who love them." Romans 5:8 "But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners Christ died for us." LOVE is NOT a FEELING, it is a ACT of YOUR WILL. That's the truth....Deal with it. Post Reply
View Profile History	Choice vs. Feeling Posted : 7 Dec, 2010 10:45 AM I agree with you twosparrows, love is a choice, and the feelings follow from that choice. The feeling of love doesn�t always come because you have chosen to love someone, but many times it comes from the actions of others. If your husband chooses to bring you flowers, you will feel loved. Does he have to feel love towards you to choose to buy you flowers? No. I know it is just a movie, but Fireproof depicted that very well. (I don�t remember the character�s names) The husband really hated his wife, but he knew that he wanted the marriage to work, so he set about doing actions that she would consider as loving. Once she realized that he was committed to making her happy, she fell in love with him all over again. BC, I have hear so many times from couples that have been married a long time that they thought they were in love when they first got married, but looking back over the years they realized that what they had could barely be called love. I also think those stories bring up a very good point, most of us singles keep looking for that one person who will make us �feel� love, when what we should be looking for is a person of good character, true love will flow from working on the relationship. Post Reply
View Profile History	Choice vs. Feeling Posted : 7 Dec, 2010 01:12 PM Chuck!! You have just agreed with Pope John Paul II. :dancingp: You my friend are correct! Everything that we �feel��we Create! We create Anger�Hate�Envy�all the emotions � Love included. We like to say that �You made me Love you�� (I didn�t want to do it�) or she made me Angry! Truth is that you were the one to Create that emotion. We create in our minds that which we Crave�that which we Want (gotz to have it!) that which we �feel� we Need. When someone or �thing� gives it to us (Whamooo! LOVE). Be it chocolate or pizza or cigarettes or whatever? Love as The BirdMan says is �of The Will�. Now that does not mean to sound as Clinical as it sounds. �Me AutoBoT! Me Love Now!� Rather�make your Love more of The Heart (Spiritual) than of the brain (Physical). When you find that One Person that makes you Want to Create LOVE in your Heart not because of what they will give you (Materially or Physically) but rather because of their Spirituality (Divine Spark in them). Then�by Golly (Jeepers!)! Post Reply

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