Author	Thread: need some advice and probably some prayer
Admin	need some advice and probably some prayer Posted : 28 Nov, 2010 03:57 PM So I'm a 27 year old christian guy with a disability which means i'm needing to use a wheelchair, and i'm finding it difficult to date. I've been on another Christian dating site for over 3 years, though i have only done the free profile on there...Things on there have never progressed to the point where I ever actually go out with any of those girls. I can send smiles with various one sentence questions or statements, but they are rarely ever returned...and i've only had one actually say that she did not think we were a good match. Even when I snuck an email address in there (as i could not read or respond to messages on there with the free profile) i only got a few people who actually would write...and some girls listed their AIM screen names so i would contact them but they seemed really disinterested in chatting (with many awkward silences). I've also tried to meet people over a few social networking sites. I've finally tried this site, but so far nobody responds to winks or messages on here. Things never work with any girls that I know from church either. I'm assuming God is fine with me dating, and I want to date. I list in dating profiles that I do have a disability though don't go into all of the specifics. I don't think it would be right to withhold that info from the start. I think the disability is a deterrent to many responding to me, and at the same time i think people assume a mental disability (which I don't have) when I mention a physical one. I'm just getting frustrated at unclear or no responses online and I can't currently find anybody at church who seems at all interested even after i've known them a bit. Of course, I'm not perfect and at times i can make too many jokes in person, and there are some things in my life that i'm trying to keep out of my life. Is there anybody else out there who has dealt with a physical disability and christian dating? or does anybody even without a disability have any advice? any thoughts would be appreciated. and please ask any questions if you want to know more about the situation. thank you! Post Reply
View Profile History	need some advice and probably some prayer Posted : 28 Nov, 2010 05:12 PM Hi Wheelman I cannot speak specifically or presume to know all your situation entails, but I do know since your are a Christian you are are a brother. Googled 'Christians with disabilities dating sites. I got 597,000 results, the first page looks pretty promising. But I'd stay here also, as Eccl. 11:6 says "Sow your seed in the morning and at evening let not your hands be idle, for you do not know which will succeed, whether this or that, or whether both will do equally well." Post Reply
View Profile History	need some advice and probably some prayer Posted : 28 Nov, 2010 05:16 PM I read your profile, and thought it was honest and sweet. The pics are nice. You have a mischievous smile!! You, my dear, are called into a unique ministry. Being a Christian these days we are all under attack from the enemy...he tries to be soooooooo discouraging! I believe your future partner will have to be very special indeed to share your challenges. Please don't be discouraged! The Lord will reward your honesty and patience. I do not see just "any" girl starting a relationship with you. As you are special, so will she have to be. I will pray for you both tonight! Love, Lisa Post Reply
View Profile History	need some advice and probably some prayer Posted : 30 Nov, 2010 10:16 AM My brother, you are learning that not everyone who says that they are "a true believer", actually are.. So do not expect anyone, who is not, to have mercy upon you, for they do not know mercy; they are after pleasing their own flesh.. And nor does it work that way. The Lord has a specific plan for your life, and if you try to do anything that is not in perfect alignment with that plan, it just will not work... There are a lot of wolves and wolfettes running around, and the Lord, Who is Sovereign, is protecting you, although you cannot see it. Satan wants to destroy you, and the Lord has saved you, and has you "in the SECRET PLACE of the Most High," abiding under the Shadow of the Almighty.. The things that have befallen you were not accidents, but Satan actually trying to kill you, and as promised in Psalm 91, the Lord has given His angels charge over you to keep you in all your ways, and this is not a joke; they will do as directed.. I want to recommend a book for you to read, it is titled: THE SOVEREIGNTY OF GOD. You need to comprehend, at this point in your life, that the Lord is Sovereignly operating in your life, as He is in the lives of all of His children, and all men, period.. Grace and peace be unto you, and know that the Lord is your strength.. pc Post Reply
View Profile History	need some advice and probably some prayer Posted : 30 Nov, 2010 10:35 AM wheelman27, DO I HAVE THE GIRL FOR YOU!!!!!!!!!!!! You are the kind of young man I'm wanting my daughter to meet. She's on this site also---------- gonna tell her to check out your profile. God Bless You, Deborah Post Reply
View Profile History	need some advice and probably some prayer Posted : 30 Nov, 2010 09:48 PM First off, Wheels, I want to say that already you seem like a pretty like-able guy to me. Now, as for your predicament, I wish I had more firsthand experience or knowledge to be of more help. Since there is very little else I know about you, and you seem perfectly sweet, I had to make the guess that women are simply intimidated by what they do not understand about your physical condition. All I can do is speak from my own perspective or guess what is going through other ladies� heads. Honestly, a lot of women probably have no idea what all being �handicapped� means. They are probably intimidated, imagining lives of being nursemaids or something when that might not be the case. Some are probably afraid that means you would be dependent on them in ways they are not prepared for. Maybe you could be more specific about what your disability is from the start, like how are you disabled specifically, and maybe why/what happened. Either on your profile or early in conversation; a woman is probably not going to feel comfortable asking, so be open to telling her unprovoked. I'm sorry that you are having difficulty because of this, I understand that while it probably affects your life in many ways, you are way more than your disability. Maybe God will send a lady your way who appreciates that and who you are. Post Reply
bcpianogal View Profile History	need some advice and probably some prayer Posted : 1 Dec, 2010 07:35 AM I agree that it would probably be helpful if you went into a little more detail in your profile...tell at least what the disability is, even if you don't go into all the little details. Are you missing one or both legs? Do you have cerebral palsy? Have you had an accident and are paralyzed? If so, is it just your legs, or are you completely paralyzed? Those (and others) are the questions that pop into my head when I hear that someone is in a wheelchair. For me, the type and extent of the disability would make a difference. If a guy is unable to care for himself at ALL, I likely won't be interested. If he's capable of taking care of himself, living alone, etc., then I'd be much more open to the possibility of a relationship. I hope this helps. Post Reply
View Profile History	need some advice and probably some prayer Posted : 1 Dec, 2010 12:28 PM let me first just say thanks to all of you who have read this and offered advice...you have all certainly given me something to think about. and getting the female perspective has been a big help. I am comfortable talking about my disability for the most part, but I guess even I am somewhat afraid that ladies will read something that they don't like and it will be more difficult for me. I agree that more openness on my profile would help, instead of just expecting the girl to ask me more questions and only saying that I am open to discussing it. I will make some changes on my profile. Let me just say, so that those who have responded to my post have a little more insight, I have Muscular dystrophy, not missing any limbs. I use a wheelchair to get around power when I can, manual when I can't. I don't have tons of strength, but enough to take care of personal hygiene, and even to be able to stand (with assistance getting up) for at times a few hours stretching my legs. I am capable of cooking for myself too. There are some things that I would be open to trying, just might need a little push (not necessarily a literal push) to do some things. I am definitely not looking for a caretaker, but def someone who will encourage me in my walk or roll (haha) through life. Let me also point out that I am trying to find a job to use my degree in psychology, and I live with my family at the moment. This is all true. I may add this all to my profile, and probably write to the last girl i wrote to again and give actually more detail about it. any feedback or input about this would be appreciated. Thanks again for the advice so far. Post Reply