Author	Thread: Long Distance Relationships
Admin	Long Distance Relationships Posted : 23 Sep, 2010 11:40 AM With the advent of internet dating sites came access to meeting potential partners from all over the world. Even if you limit your search to people in your own country/region/state, odds are still good that if two people develop an interest in each other, they are going to live a distance apart. During my time on sites, I've made friends, both male and female, from all over the world. Many of them have attempted to develop long distance relationships both nationally and internationally.. Even after months of communication, a majority of them have failed...with distance being a huge factor...at great heartache to both. What advice/thoughts would you give to people to successfully navigate a long distance relationship...success not necessarily meaning that they get married, but how do they successfully investigate the potential with a minimum amount of heartache/damage to both? Thanks in advance for the replies. Post Reply
View Profile History	Long Distance Relationships Posted : 23 Sep, 2010 06:35 PM My personal opinion is really quite simple. Whether local, meeting face to face, or long distance, what is lacking is truth. Truth to God. Truth to self. Truth to others. It's not the distance that defines the relationship, it's the lack of fidelity and honesty. Think back to generations before us and arranged marriages. Yet they made it because they worked on loving one another. We are so used to the fast-food, give-it-to-me-now mentality that we fail to embrace the simplicity of loving a person, and ourselves, for who God created us to be. So again, perhaps I will be criticized, but it's not the distance, but the character that makes it all either worth it or not. Post Reply
View Profile History	Long Distance Relationships Posted : 23 Sep, 2010 07:31 PM One thing for sure, is the agreement from both parties. If one party is not interested in developing a long distance relationship, then the other party better backs off and sets a line. If both of them want to move forward in the relationship, then they should have known the concequences. LDR needs more efforts, trust, and resources from both parties, more than casual relationships. Prayers are definitely important in any kind relationship. And God answers in many kind of ways, we hear Him ourselves, through visions/dreams, through His people, so talking to other fellow Christians and ask for their opinions would give some good inputs and thoughts for us to think about (sometimes when we are in love, we can barely use our head). Finding information about the person through his friends are also important, like seeing how he/she is doing with his/her friends in facebook, we can know what is going through that person through just some little observasion on his/her facebook profile. I think read the signs is important as well, for example, if we are not talking as frequent as we used to, that could be a question mark. LDR is different, we can�t just come up in his/her house at one night and ask him/her why he/she hasn�t been around and seem distant. If the communication is stopped, then the possibilities of continuing the relationship could be lesser and lesser. I agree with chmjr1965 said, it�s not a matter of the distance but trust, communication, and efforts. I once read as a couple�s testimonial, and they recommended for all couples to at least have a LDR for a while coz it would test both parties� commitment, trust to each other, and if they have passed it, more likely to at least have the experience of the �test� and would strengthen their relationship. IMO :applause: Post Reply
View Profile History	Long Distance Relationships Posted : 24 Sep, 2010 07:10 AM I would say for people to meet before they put emotion into the relationship. On the internet, can't know how committed a person is, and meeting helps solve that problem. Alot of people tend to go on dating sites right after a bad breakup and they want to feel desired, I guess for ego boost even. Well words are words, I find many people saying they want to meet, but actions turn out different, because they disappear. So I'm guessing LDRs are quite hard to even start. Post Reply
View Profile History	Long Distance Relationships Posted : 24 Sep, 2010 06:40 PM Loony Follow question for you. You suggest meeting in person. I think that helps to set things in perspective, since you are already getting to know the character of that person. At what point should the couple do this? As a guy, what is your perspective? I guess you might say not right away (too soon), but also not a year down the road (too late). Post Reply
Elisa View Profile History	Long Distance Relationships Posted : 24 Sep, 2010 08:21 PM Distance is simply a matter of geography. If folks want to work on a relationship, this becomes something that can be worked around. While I will concede distance does take some work. so does living right next door. Post Reply
View Profile History	Long Distance Relationships Posted : 25 Sep, 2010 04:00 AM I think that it would depend on what your �love language� is. (http://www.5lovelanguages.com/learn-the-languages/the-five-love-languages/) Some of the ways we show love can be done in a long distance relationship, such as words of affirmation, quality time with the use of the internet, and receiving gifts. I think if your love language are the other two, acts of service and physical touch, it would be a lot harder to have a long distance relationship. BTW, they have a quiz you can take for us singles. Post Reply
SilverFire View Profile History	Long Distance Relationships Posted : 25 Sep, 2010 05:42 AM My advice? Don't if you can possibly avoid it, because people will subconsciously fill in the details about you in the absence of data. This leads to a horrible shock when you finally do meet. I can't tell you how many potential relationships never survived the first meeting. Post Reply
View Profile History	Long Distance Relationships Posted : 25 Sep, 2010 06:03 AM Cobbler thanks for the link! I had been reading the book The Five Love Languages for Singles in between readings for class. I am about halfway through the book, but it makes more sense with an assessment of which one is my top priority. I guess I could go back and read that chapter again! Post Reply
View Profile History	Long Distance Relationships Posted : 25 Sep, 2010 07:27 AM One thing that I just thought of, it would certainly be different if you met in person first and then continued the relationship seperated. I have know of a few couples that tended to travel around alot and happen to be at church together for the weekend. They then went back to their country of origin and continued the relationship and got married. I also have a cousin how got to know her husband online, before internet dating became popular. I can't remember the exact details, but he was a son of a friend of an aunt, or something along that line. The one was recomended to the other, they started emailing and back and forth. I don't think she actually saw him in person until they were engaged. They have been married for over 10 years now. I think it mostly depends on your attitude. Post Reply
View Profile History	Long Distance Relationships Posted : 25 Sep, 2010 09:04 AM Well, InHisHonor and I are in a long distance relationship. He's in Florida and I'm in Washington state. And we haven't met in person yet. I would say to take things slowly. InHisHonor and I were friends for about 3 months before deciding to move beyond that. And we've been romantically involved for 4 months now. There's no need to rush things, and when you go slowly, you can take the time to have all of those important conversations that couples needs to have. One thing that I've really found beneficial is that we listen to sermons and radio broadcasts together online. It's mutually edifying and gives us good stuff to talk about. We've listened to a lot of John Piper's stuff... Just in the past couple nights, InHisHonor listened to a 3-part radio broadcast w/ me from Family Life Today that was really something I needed to hear (even though it wasn't the most pleasant subject), and I just really appreciated him taking the time to listen to it w/ me, because it's a topic that's important to me and I feel closer to him knowing that he cares enough to invest in me that way. RE: love languages InHisHonor and I both took online tests a few months ago. Mine is physical touch with words of affirmation coming in second. And, if remember correctly, InHisHonor has the same top 2, but flipped. I will say that it's definitely a challenge not being able to give/receive physical affection. There have been a lot of times, especially lately, where I've just wanted him here so badly so that he can give me a hug or hold me. But I suppose this is developing patience and we're certainly not getting distracted by kissing or anything! Post Reply

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