I'm tempted to put this in the "Define Love" topic...
I want to suggest that instead of naming off every last possible adjective you could use to describe your ideal mate, that instead, you tell everyone here what you have to offer. I mean, we all want "the one" (or "a one" or something like that), right? We all want "kind, generous, faithful, honest..." But how many of us can say all those things about ourselves all, or even most, of the time, for real? Would people we aren't close to, people who we're less likely to "perform for," describe us that way? Are we really here looking to give love, or just to get it from others?
I can understand why, even if we are loving people, we'd still wind up on a singles site: people in our personal lives have either been too serious or not serious enough, so we all came here to give this place a whirl. But as I've read through so many profiles, even my own, I've just noticed a serious trend: it's like at least half of us don't belong here, because we're too needy and not willing or able to give of ourselves nor to give the benefit of the doubt to anyone else. Which is totally unhealthy.
I'm not asking anyone to lie on their profile! I'm asking that we take good looks at ourselves, because in the end it's doing this that will make a difference in our own love-lives, and ask ourselves, "What am I willing to give? What do I even -have- to offer in the first place? What lengths am I willing to go to after I've met someone, in the hopes that they're the right one for me, rather than only being willing to go to those lengths if I already think they are the right one for me?"
I'm asking everyone here to think of two random people at a table in a restaurant or diner, who maybe know a little -about- each other, but haven't actually met in person before. How in the world can those two possibly have a hope if they aren't both open, giving, reasonably trusting, loving people? Both. Not just him. Not just her. Not just you or me.
So, I'm upping the ante around here. Please say what you have to offer and keep your requirements for some wonderful friend/date/spouse to a minimum, or better yet, try not to have any at all, 'cause no matter what you do, if you have rules for other people to keep or else you won't like them as people, you're always going to be disappointed. That's one thing I've learned the hard way - it's not about the other person being some great, wonderful human being who's this, that, or some other list of adjectives. It's about both people reaching out to each other and being willing to give and receive from each other. Otherwise, we're all a bunch of clanging cymbals, right?
Heh. Now, I'm going to go figure out if I even ought to -be- on a singles site or not. I mean, I'm not really even sure how much I have to offer in the first place, aside from being very brainy. And I can fix your PC, lol! Ok, ok, I have an emotional and loving side too. Haha - I'm kinda like Mr. Spock on pot :P
Truth is, I struggle with this stuff. I'm guessing that a lot of us do.
Love is respct. I agree that at some points in our lives, "
getting" is probably out of proportion in our drives to find Joy. But as the above note implies, a spirit of submission to the will of another is the desired attitude. Trust and care, coupled with a willingness to allow the other one to win; Respect for what they do, and what kind of Christian character they consistently exhibit are very important cores to a good relationship. It probably doesn't need to be said to this group: Prayer without ceasing about this portential relationship... not just after "you" make it happen, but before you meet anyone, meaning that the HS leads in all matters, and certainlly should be central to this endeavor -- perhaps the 2nd most important decision that you will ever make... Isn't that right, divorcees?
Hmm... For one, not to be argumentative, but I don't know that anyone is really a "10." I know I'm not, and I've never met anyone who was. And I guess that's one of my points: I'm tired of everyone judging everyone. It's one thing to have flexible preferences. It's another to conjure up some magically perfect-for-you person in your head and really believe that you're going to meet that person. I guess a few bare minimums are fine, because you have to start somewhere, but I'm feeling like life should be more adventurous than that -- a time of discovery of the other person. ~~
Also, I believe that love is both saying and doing. Yet even then, there has to be room for people making honest mistakes. True, some people are just flat out untrustworthy, and they never hold to their word. Or rarely do. But it just seems like if dating is all about being uptight and insisting on romance, no one is going to be happy. ~~
As for will-submission... I leave that to God. True, if I want to hug my date and he doesn't want to hug, then I have to respect his wishes in that matter. But I don't have to just willy-nilly do whatever someone else wants me to, just because, even if that means they think I don't trust them. I don't have to trust anyone for others to be trustworthy, to treat me well, etc. Nor do I have to be thankful for that. Because I have free-will choice, and free-will means without consequences. And as far as trust goes, I've just learned that no human being can be absolutely trusted. I can't, nor can anyone else. People make mistakes, and sometimes people even get cranky. That's just life. However, if someone does prove themselves to be trustworthy without trying to get something from me in return, I'm likely to trust them more than if they didn't do that. I think all of this is true for others too. No one has to trust me, nor just do whatever I want them to do. And I'm not even going to get into the whole gender-role issue. I'd rather play the part of "me" than the part of some over-worked, stressed out, forced-to-act-happy house-wife. I'd rather be loved for being me than for how well I play a role. And I'd rather love someone else the same way.
Gardengate... In my opinion ... if anyone is ready to be on a dating site, it would be you. I think what you are saying is you have the desire and ability to give grace, to accept someone for where they are at.. and love them warts and all... and you would like that in return. As far as I'm concerned, that is one of the most important factors in any friendship, relationship, or marriage. I couldn't agree with your thought processes more! Excellent Post!
I feel I have expressed pretty much who I am. Would I like companionship? Yes, I would, but have learned it has to be someone who has same values and is christian... I plan to keep focused on Christ until He lets me know when it's right. ( It's better to be single thant to settle for anything less than God would choose for me.) I am not quite ready for one-to-one dating b/c He is still molding me but I have done a lot of forgiving, growing in christian faith and serving others and my heart is closer to being ready to love fully again. Until then, I feel our purpose is to get to know each other, be a testimonial to others, build friendships, and be disciples...
I derserve LOVE, HONOR AND RESPECT AND A PARTNER THAT WOULD ENJOY WORSHIPPING CHRIST WITH ME & UNDERSTANDS WE NEED TO PUT GOD FIRST IN OUR RELATIONSHIP...and just have fun, then we can make it through anything!
I will say this, God loves me just the way I am, but He will not leave me this way...He is making me more wonderful than ever!
first of all mradventure didnt say what u thought he said, some of what u are saying is true, but the rest of it is filler .everything u do has consquences even free choice is sinful and u must seek the path God has in store for u.Get to know people, if u can live with the desicion u make and u have peace then it is right.
Thanks.. Good tips on profile writing. Profile is the key factor on Internet [url=http://www.okcupid.com/] dating [/url]. It says much more about you. Person who is other side of screen will imagine about you through your profile. Your chances will increase to get response if you will make your profile very well. I came across one site name okcupid.com where I came in touch with few singles. I got responses very quickly because of my good profile.
Wow, this is profound and I agree. Most men will proclaim thier own goodness and we know there is none righteous. I think out of all the hard things I've tried to learn and understand from God, love is the hardest. Love is the hardest thing to give, the hardest thing to show, and the hardest emotion to sincerely have for another.
I think this site is positive in that it allows other Christians to at least find each other, but I agree It's not a way to get around true love. In the end you'll meet that person face to face and realize, "Hey this person makes me angry sometimes! and Hey this person hurts my feelings every now and then! Hey this person isn't drop dead georgous 24/7" In the end It is you who will need to love your neighbor as yourself and judging from some of the profiles (including my own) we'll need to muster a lot more love if we're going to hold to biblical standards.
