Yesterday, I was thinking about the Oprah show and a topic of the day was men and women who are on the "Down Low" (also known as the "DL"). For those of you who are not familiar with the term, it refers to men or women who are married or have girlfriends or boyfriends who secretly have relations with others on the side.. Those of us who were already familiar with this world of deception know that it is a lot more prevalent than most would think.
The church is a prime target area to find such people, keeping it on the DL, both married and unmarried. That in itself is a very disturbing reality. One of the contributing factors to this lifestyle is single women and men who are desperate to be in a relationship. The thinking behind this is that they want to be in a relationship so badly that they are willing to put up with any kind of behavior, including from people being on the "DL," just so they can be with, or say that they are with someone. That statement, in my opinion, is just another smoke screen to try to justify the behavior, but it touches another area that needs to be addressed.
Many times, single Christian women and men�intelligent, spiritual women/men�deny their own God-given intuition that is telling them that something is not right with the man or woman they are dealing with. Instead of breaking things off, or better yet, not getting involved in the first place, some of us have a tendency to compromise our own mental and emotional, sometimes spiritual well-being� all for the sake of being in a relationship. Instead of seeing the red flags for what they really are, we choose to see them as banners waving us across the finish line from singleness to marriage; all in the name of L-O-V-E, but it is more so in L-U-S-T.
When it comes to a relationship, we would do well to remember the advice that God gave to the prophet Samuel when he went seeking out a man to satisfy the demands of the people (1 Samuel 16:1-13). Samuel selected the man that, from all outward appearances, looked like he had it all together and seemed to fit the bill. But God let Samuel know that the man that Samuel chose�as godly a person as Samuel was�was not the man that God had selected. Man looks at the outward appearances, but God doesn't see how we see; He looks straight at the heart.
A question I get asked a lot is, how will I know that I've met the person God wants me to be with? The answer is simpler than a lot of people care to believe. Ask. Proverbs 3:5,6 says if you ask God for direction and guidance, He'll give it to you. James 1:5-7 says that if you lack wisdom, ask God for it. When you are trying to decide whether or not a person is best suited for you, ask God to reveal the heart of the person to you, and ask early! Don't wait until you're all emotionally involved with the person to ask.. Ask right from the start. If God reveals to you that the person is not for you, turn him loose and let him go! The fact of the matter is, if he's not suited for you, you're not suited for him either. Free yourself and him up so that God can bring into your life the kind of person that He has ordained for you.
We live in a world that is filled with deception, and as savvy and experienced as we think we might be with regard to relationships, it is not impossible for us to be deceived. Unfortunately, some of us prefer to be deceived rather than face the truth. But, it does not have to be so. Don't allow the fear or frustration of being without a relationship to tempt you to close your eyes to the truth, then we won't have to worry about those on the "DL" or any other "L." Open your eyes; look up, and call on the One who is able to look deeper.
The Bible says we are put together, joined together, built together, members together, heirs together, fitted together, held together, and will be caught up together! We are called to belong, not just believe.
I couldn't help but notice how friendships can be created and rekindled on social networking sites and wondered if followers of Christ might not learn something from this. Technology relies on the same old human behaviors to succeed. But having faith requires divine intervention for us to understand our need for God, and being faithful isn't always easy in the on line world. There are similarities between our on line lives and our "real" ones. Our faith spreads the old-fashioned way, one person reaching out to one person at a time.
To make friends on line, we have to reach out. It's as simple as clicking a button and requesting that someone be our "friend." When we make new friends on line, we get exposed to their ideas about life, their likes and dislikes; we get to know them. What's really amazing is that we get to view their other friends who are listed there.
The real question is who is on our "Friends" list? Does it include all kinds of people or just folks who look, act and talk like us? I've been wondering lately what Jesus' Favorite page would look like. We read about how He talked to women in a culture where open social contact with the opposite sex wasn't allowed. He hung out with leaders who became His followers. He called common people to greatness. There was diversity in His crowd of followers and then unity in mission.
Today is a great day to put on Christ and search the net and connect with some new local and out of your area friends and neighbors. It may also be the time to search out a forgotten friend. There's a whole world out there waiting to be invited as a friend.
Perhaps consider doing an inventory of your friends. Are there some friends you want to connect with? Are there some new people you'd like to chat with, have over for dinner or talk to over a cup of coffee?
Instead of feeling anxiety, frustration, or guilt about dating on line, evangelize. For a moment, take down the looking and searching sign, just reach out to someone and then see where God takes it from there?
My girlfriend and I were just talking about this tonight. My Mom made a comment about all the awful things on the internet. She is right but the fip side of the coin is all the good. The internet is simply a tool that can be used for good or for evil. Remember what an impact the printing press had on society too?
You are a good writer and have some awesome insights! Thanks for letting God use you to minister to others. Amen!
