Author	Thread: Friendships vs Relationships and the Internet.
joykeepin View Profile History	Friendships vs Relationships and the Internet. Posted : 1 Jun, 2010 12:07 AM Sometimes you have to use common sense. I know this will go over like a lead balloon but internet dating sites lend themselves to serious discernment problems. You can't have a "relationship" with someone you have never met. You can feel deeply, feel strongly, and all kinds of things but you can't have a relationship with a chat box or phone call or even a few phone calls.Relationships take time, take one on one interacction, and growth together in person. That can not happen in chat where aspects of personality and character can not be seen. It's far to important a matter to play roulette with. You can at best develop an "acquaintance friendship" Friendships take a long time to form and relationships even longer. Yet online people jump right into the latter without the former and begin roles never assigned to them if in real time. The problem with this kind of thinking is that you can give your heart over to a person you have not met beacuse you are living in a pseudo fantasy land and wind up with disaster. Or a person can expect you to fill a certain role based on where their heart is and they wind up with a disaster. This creates chaos, distraction from the LORD and folks get hurt that way. Be mature, respectful, and direct in these things. Don't play games or expect mind reading. Guard your heart, use your brains, and above all remember this is the internet. Post Reply
joykeepin View Profile History	Friendships vs Relationships and the Internet. Posted : 1 Jun, 2010 12:10 AM Sorry for the typos... was a little late and didn't proof. Lesson learned. Post Reply
PEM4 View Profile History	Friendships vs Relationships and the Internet. Posted : 1 Jun, 2010 06:11 AM Simply_Southern , A great morning to you. Oooh yes,! you have brought that point home.. Hi five to you, my dear. that was eloquently done..(forget the errors the point came across clearly) This is a point I have tried to explain so often to past male interests and even to my friends, since I have signed up on-line, but it was not taken so well. The result of the attempted explanation was end of their interest and the comments were; you are too deep( you have given it too much thought) and you take life too serious, you are too strong willed, too sensitive and you should go with the flow and see where it leads.... Well they are wrong!! The only reason I tried to explain to anyone was 1. for all the reasons you have mention in your note and 2. I was hurt because I was confused and naive when I first tried online dating. I agree with you that there is a big difference with online dating and normal physical relationship. Everything is so speedup and unreal, I feel overwhelm and yes we have set ourselves up for hurt and deception and it is difficult to do any kind of discerning here.. .... this is the best document I have read in a long time but I guess many sites or individual will not agree with me.. Write more -- the chat forum are the only reason I am on here anymore... I learn so much from the questions and answers and suggestion/ ideas.. Thank you and keep wtiting.. P Post Reply
bcpianogal View Profile History	Friendships vs Relationships and the Internet. Posted : 1 Jun, 2010 10:34 AM Very well put. The fact that relationships take a lot of time and interaction with each other is one of the biggest reasons that I don't want to consider a long-distance relationship with someone I met online. It's just not really practical. If I met someone in person first, I might consider long-distance. As for making friends online, it's really not the best way to make friends. Especially if you meet that friend on a dating site...it's hard to be just friends when you first viewed each other's profiles with the intent of looking for that special someone. That said, I have made two friends from online dating sites. I met one guy and we dated for a while. When it ended, it was on friendly terms, but there was no reason for us to stay friends. We don't keep in touch anymore. I have made one good online friend from this site though. He's the only truly normal guy (from what I can tell!) that I've talked to online. We've never met, but we've had hours and hours of online chats (IM and video chats). There is no relationship at all, just a friendship. I would love to meet him, but if I never do, that's OK too. Post Reply
joykeepin View Profile History	Friendships vs Relationships and the Internet. Posted : 1 Jun, 2010 03:31 PM Yes to both of you.... We have to understand GOD's heart for us is not to walk into a disaster that is so often bred with the availability of internet anonymity. Too many can "be all they wanted to be" vs be real. I know I said the word fantasy land before but that is because there is no word to describe the plane the internet affords. It's still being defined. What I do know about it brokeness of people who have played in this media and found themselves hurt. I have seen and experienced it. I think the internet's own viture is it's own demon. The fact that you can connect with so many people and given some are great but I am finding that rare, on so many levels because you are not distracted by the physical. I have a couple of long term friends that I have come to know as kinderd brothers and sisters in the LORD but I know how rare that is and given their character I am thankful they are real. I have met them both and to me they are extended family. Yet even those friendships are 8 years old and did not foster overnight. Men... if you are reading.... understand intelligent women are not just protecting their heart but yours as well. Don't expect her to submit and follow if you 1000 miles away ... that's reckless........ Women.... if you are reading, understand words are just words..... actions reveal what a person truly believes, and until you are in person ....... you really only have words. .... I know I am not winning friends lol with this post but ..... I love people... love the LORD... and had to get it out there. I know this will fall on deaf ears for some ..... but it's said. Post Reply
View Profile History	Friendships vs Relationships and the Internet. Posted : 1 Jun, 2010 08:56 PM Amen, sister! I have tried to explain this to more than one man, and very very few "get" it. Preach it! :applause: Post Reply
View Profile History	Friendships vs Relationships and the Internet. Posted : 2 Jun, 2010 02:43 PM Could this have something to do with the same reason that men as a general rule of thumb seem to have an easier time falling into p*rn? Two dimensional relationships seem a bit less of a stretch to them. Something I clearly don't understand entirely. And not sure if there is some relationship but a dear friend of 30 years has a husband recovering from an internet p*rn addiction and said that in his group therapy that MANY of the men routinely hang out on dating sites (and yes many of them are "Christian") Post Reply
joykeepin View Profile History	Friendships vs Relationships and the Internet. Posted : 2 Jun, 2010 05:35 PM I think alot of valid observations have been spoken. Men approach relationships different..... the p*rn angle I never thought of .. but could be. I don't pretend to know what all of those differences are. I just know that women aspire to relationships emotionally more than men I think. (keep in mind this is my own opinion an observation) .... The goal should be though if CHRISTIAN to do it in a Godly way vs worldly way. Rushing a relationship is like lighting a short fuse. .... I for one do not want to be the cause of anyone being hurt and want to do things in a way that lasts beyond the fireworks and pleases GOD. If I had to draw lines to do that I just can't apologize for that. Passion in it's place is well worth it:) Post Reply
GraceMae View Profile History	Friendships vs Relationships and the Internet. Posted : 2 Jun, 2010 06:50 PM SimSou�. I agree with everything you�ve said. I often look at friendships I�ve formed in the work place, i.e. working with people in different geographic locations. By phone, we had to get to learn one anothers personalities (email, phone & video conferencing) , and learn how to work together and get assignments completed. I had to work with many people long distance where I was sort of forced to get to know them in able to work with them, different culture of people, race, age and gender, and I did learn over a span of 22 years in employment then, and never physically meeting some, that you can have relationship with folk you sometime may never meet. Then on occasion I would travel to that area and get to meet them in person, and it was awesome! They could identify a face with the voice and character established in their minds over all the time spent working together. Similarly, I think internet sites could have the same analogy. Only problem is everyone on these sites aren�t honest, and motives are deceptive, and many have different agendas using these sites. Like you said, everything takes time, but if we practice most of the things you and others have shared about , including caution and with much regard of discernment along the way, guarding our hearts, this really can be a fun place to get to meet nice people. Thank you again for what you�ve shared! ~GraceMae Post Reply
View Profile History	Friendships vs Relationships and the Internet. Posted : 3 Jun, 2010 01:02 AM I believe that the danger lies in our Hearts. We are so desperate to "Find" that one person that we have known for so long (in our Hearts and Minds) that at the first sign of a possibility that we may have found them...we leap into creating our own Fantasy World. In this world that we have created this person says all the right things (or so we "hear" the right things). We ignore any Warnings that manifest themselves and quickly become enamored and are ready to "Leap" off that cliff. If both parties are this way then the situation becomes worst far more quickly. WE are all capable of lying to ourselves and in turn lying to others by "omission" or through "puffing" up ourselves (outdated photos). Reality usually slaps us when we meet or of not then...in time. True Friendship takes time. So...To Your Ownself Be True! Steve Post Reply
joykeepin View Profile History	Friendships vs Relationships and the Internet. Posted : 3 Jun, 2010 04:40 AM Lots of great posts! I appreciate the dialogue. Thanks for being a man also and weighing in. Bottom line is we all want something that is healthy and to do things the right way. Thank you all for responding! Deb Post Reply