Author	Thread: My Escape Into Fantasy
Admin	My Escape Into Fantasy Posted : 29 May, 2010 02:57 PM Several years ago when I separated from my daughter's mother, I wish I could say I possessed a clearer perspective, but that's not what happened. Rather than working through my emotional core issues, I escaped into the fantasy world of Internet online "dating". I put quotation marks around dating, because in my case it never got that far. I guess what I wanted was instant relief from the abuse of the past. I felt entitled to someone new who would make up for the long term rollercoaster ride. I wanted a relationship that would medicate the hurt � someone who would save me. I invested most of my free time in that pursuit. It took me close to two years before I woke up to see the futility of that endeavor. In 2008 I began to see I needed inner healing before there could be any promise or progress in a new relationship. At first I felt lost, but eventually I came to identify many of the deadening effects within my marriage. Like a soldier on the battlefield I had been existing on adrenaline only to find my health at risk. The most painful part was not being able to understand the dynamics of leaving an abusive relationship. You can physically leave her, but it takes years or decades before the abuser leaves the realm of your thoughts or your subconscious. -- Soulful Post Reply
View Profile History	My Escape Into Fantasy Posted : 30 May, 2010 05:46 AM I have come to the conclusion that finding contentment as a single person is probably the best indicator of how someone is going to get along with his or her future partner-- at least for me. Post Reply
Brandy774 View Profile History	My Escape Into Fantasy Posted : 30 May, 2010 10:19 AM I have been there and understand exactly what you are talking about. I went from abusive relationship to abusive relationship. I mean literally if I wrote down the characteristics of the men I dated side by side on a piece of paper you would have sworn they were the same man. I was never single for more than a week. It wasnt until I had my daughter that I realized I had to stop and heal. I needed to know myself before I could allow a partner into my life. Now suddenly it wasnt about just me getting hurt but about her getting hurt too. I've been single for over 4yrs at first it was hard but now I am comfortable with me. I still think I have some more healing to do. I just dont wanna to bring more baggage than Continental airlines has into a relationship. Post Reply
View Profile History	My Escape Into Fantasy Posted : 30 May, 2010 01:01 PM Good one about Continental Airlines. When we can be light hearted about our condition, it's already a good sign. Thanks for commenting. Post Reply
View Profile History	My Escape Into Fantasy Posted : 30 May, 2010 01:26 PM I have been divorced for 8 years, have not been in a relationship for 6 years. God has done so much inside my mind/heart during that time. He brought me to a place where i had many questions regarding my status of being a single mom and went through a period where I was uncomfortable in my own skin. The whole time God was healing my heart and showing me myself. Many other things took place but I said all that to say that today I am on the other side of my past if you can believe that. I see the things that happened as stepping stones to my wholeness and they had to take place to get me where I am today. Dont get me wrong, I have a long way to go but I am on my way. Many years of various abuse, traumatic experiences and emotional breakdowns...healing just doesnt happen overnight. It's a process and it hurts but when your on the other side of it, it doesnt hurt anymore and you can talk about it without the pain. God told me He was preparing me for my husband about a year ago. Today I am content with my status of being a single parent. The healing process is critical to your future relationships, please dont skip it. Take time for YOU. Bless you guys, Riveroflife Post Reply
View Profile History	My Escape Into Fantasy Posted : 31 May, 2010 11:26 AM Riveroflife, Thank you for your testimony. I like the way you phrased it -- "On the other side" to refer to healing. Take gentle care, Soulful Post Reply