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Dating? (Do or Don't)
Posted : 5 Jul, 2008 10:59 AM
Dating?
Read Genesis 29:15-30
Please understand, God never said life in His Kingdom would be naturally easy or automatic for His children. But, he does have something to say about the subject. This is what God said about embracing kingdom life: �Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light.� Matt 11:29-30 . What this means is we must step under His yoke by choice and learn from Him. We either submit to His order and enjoy all of its benefits, or we continue to rebel and suffer the consequences of going it on our own. We must think right and feel right to live right before God.
Marriage can be the closest thing to heaven or hell here on Earth. A Good marriage thrives on intimacy, vulnerability, and implicit and unbroken trust between a man and a woman, stretching over a life time of cultivation; Including our relationship with God. It takes vulnerability and trust to share our inner most thoughts and feelings with one another. Contrary to worldly trends and whether we approve of it or not, God has ordained that men and women in His kingdom unite in marriage to form godly families and birth new children into His kingdom on Earth. Why? God created us with just enough of Himself, just enough mystery, spice, or something nice, to make us take notice of one another; He has planted an eternal destiny in our lives, that is also tied up in the person with whom we share that life with; to tap into the spiritual dynamic of unity, unique to a marriage covenant. This is the yoke of love, between a man and a woman. The sum of their whole is greater than the sum of their parts; One plus One doesn't equal Two, it equals Three; God makes up the Third part. Marriage is God's idea. It is not the world's on-again and off-again concept. It did not come from the world or from the casino districts of Las Vegas. God said, "It is not good for man to be alone" and then He created Eve to be Adam's partner. We all desire companionship, in fact the one who created us calls us to Himself, and God wants to tell us why he called us. He wants to be our companion, He wants to be our acquaint, our lover, and our keeper. That is our first commitment, the one that should be modeled in any of our relationships, is to Christ. �Trust in the LORD with all thine heart, and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.� Proverbs 3:5
Why do I bring this up? Christians do many things well, but advice on dating isn't one of them. Why is �The Church� so confused about going from puberty to the Altar; or if you will, �Dating?� The subject of Dating can be a real touchy subject among Christians of all ages. In fact, many of the false theories surrounding dating were created by Christians. We have been so overly zealous about modesty and purity that our faith often morphs into legalism, shaming everyone with unattainable standards of perfection. Why do we continue to laden the people with burdens that some will not lift a finger to carry themselves. I find it interesting that we spend so much time on so many issues, but few are teaching CLEAR Biblical principles about how a young man and young woman should act toward one another before marriage. None the less, it's our responsibility as Believers to KNOW what God's Word tells us about this subject matter. Not only should we know what the Scripture says about dating for men and women, but we should also practice what the Bible teaches. Many young singles do date and desire a relationship with the Almighty, but not at the cost of feeling guilty every single day of their lives because of false teachings about dating. What I am saying is this? Our biggest problem is, we are still trying to put the �old wine� or drink from the old bottles, when Jesus promised �New Wine� in new bottles.
Let's see if dating is un-biblical? Do the scriptures give us any guidance on dating? Effective guidance and sound doctrine to these questions can be paramount to godly living in a sinful and lustful world. Even though the Bible doesn't specifically talk about dating, and despite what many of us have been taught or even what the Super Apostles say, there is nothing inherently wrong with dating, or is there? Like any other subject�driving, voting, drinking, eating�it can lead to disaster if you do it recklessly. Although, "dating" is not to be found within the pages of the Bible, God is loud and clear about how relationships should be conducted. The Bible is a wonderful guide when it comes to interpersonal relationships. And if you think about it, dating is just one type of personal relationship. However, as in virtually every area of life, the Bible does give us basic guidelines that have direct application to this practice in our generation. But, the Bible ONLY endorses relationships with men and women that lead to long term commitment and eventually to marriage. If you don't believe this then START reading God's Word and see for yourself. And as Christians, we are to live differently then the ways of the world, and with that in mind, lets continue.
Now, even if we were to consider the older, perhaps quainter term "courtship" we would still not have any direct references to consider. Dating as we are to understand it's purpose, is to find the "right one" with whom to spend the rest of your life with. Although dating sounds like an ideal way to simply shop around for Mr. or Mrs. Right, it is too easy to get emotionally and physically involved. And if you date with the goal of self-improvement or self-satisfaction, there is a very good chance that you're going to get hurt or you're going to hurt someone else. If you simply want to have fun, meet interesting people, or learn about yourself, don't do it within the context of dating. There is a time and place for other types of experiences, and it is called friendship. Just make friends with some people of the opposite sex if your goal is to learn and grow.
As you can see, dating as a whole is a flawed method for becoming involved with people. In our culture, it can be a shallow and flippant pastime to engage in, because it does not always deal with establishing true relationships. However, dating does give us the opportunity to interact with a myriad of interesting people in a very unique way. Some people we will never see again, some will become friends, and some may become more. But in every instance, we have the opportunity to learn more about ourselves and about the diversity of humanity. Please understand, dating or courtship should not be conducted simply to meet as many different people as you can. What am I saying? Young men will love this next verse: Proverbs 18:22 �He who finds a wife finds a good thing, And obtains favor from the LORD.� I think I'm hearing some LOUD AMENS from the young men. Listen up here, right off the bat, let's understand one thing, God never, ever tells men to seek after �bait.�
Given the purpose and wrong beliefs about dating, what is proper for Christians? I realize this may seem opposed to the usual view of some �Church People� but so be it. What is God's desire for you, single brother and single sister? Simply this: you and one person develop a great friendship, experience a pure relationship, enter marriage enjoying the full blessings of God, take pleasure in sexual union, and walk through life as help-meets, helping one another to make it all the way to the end of the race. Now, let this truth sink into your spirit! Most Christians believe they can do the same things the world does. The church does not sample and choose a mate the same way the world does. Let me break it down. The world dates to marry, but kingdom men and women marry to date. If the person you are dating isn't good enough to marry right now, then you have no business dating that person. Meditate on this, �Adam knew Eve� They knew the score instantly, They didn't need any manuals or conferences or a date to find that out. They just knew. Now, For men and women who seek to live lives that are honoring to God, it all starts when we are single. "Do not be misled: �Bad company corrupts good character.�" 1 Corinthians 15:33 That should strongly influence the thinking and choices of every kingdom person. I'm saying this, as Christians, we need to fellowship with other single Christians who share our situation or seek out godly married people who will prepare us for success in marriage, and who may well introduce us to others seeking a mate.
To close this out: �Learn to take joy in the godly relationships God sends your way. Take time to smell the roses and enjoy every beautiful moment God brings to you. God will bring us members of the opposite sex, people who we are never meant to marry. Their assignment in Christ is to enhance our life and move us closer to completion in Him and to receive something from us and to impart something special to us. Each God sent person will teach us how to develop a lasting friendship to form a foundation for a lasting marriage. When God has somebody for us, He will lead us to that person or bring that person to us. If your match doesn't exit, He has the power to create that one. Trust Him to supply your need. When we place our heart's desire in the Hands of God and submit to his wisdom, we release God to work on our behalf.
Now, a word for the wise. If you don't know God and His Word, then you are not qualified to date. Do you know why? These �hot babes� or �bait� you are looking at with lustful eyes are precious daughters of God, the very apples of His eye. What do you think will happen if you mess up one of God's precious creations? �I'll let you answer that.� Whether you are a man or a woman, walk with someone who is walking with God. I thank you Father for your great love and sovereign grace. Renew our minds and hearts daily. In Jesus name, Amen.
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