Author	Thread: Repost: Online Dating Etiquette-What's proper?
GraceMae View Profile History	Repost: Online Dating Etiquette-What's proper? Posted : 3 Mar, 2010 06:15 PM Well.. browneyed girl started the thread a year ago, and as I was reading old posts, Walter4 U replied with a MOST INFORMATIVE response, and I had to re-read it because it makes sense. I think most of what he said is good advice for today... So, I'm reposting it. Thanks Walt! ~ GraceMae ---------------------------------- From: Walter4U Online Dating etiquette; What's proper? Posted : 23 Feb, 2009 10:18 AM Hi T, I have been on the internet for many years and have been on many personal sites and have met many ladies. Made some really good friends too that will be life long. The proper etiquette is as follows. (Voice of experience lol ) First contact is usually casual and non intrusive. Introductions, how are you, would you like to communicate further. If both are in agreement, then you begin to get to know each other and have fun doing so. Everyone is different and has various conform levels as to how much they want to reveal. The internet though has a way of getting people to open up more than they would in person. There is a sense of anonymity and also a sense of "Fantasy". More on that later. Before meeting in person, you should communicate though several e-mails and then talk on the phone and then if all is going well then you should meet in person. What you do not want to do, providing you are interested in more than just friendship, is have an prolonged e-mail communication. You have to meet and see what is there in person. I have e-mailed and talked on the phone with some nice ladies and things seemed great until we MET. Then NO chemistry. Nada, ZIP, NONE. LOL Here's another thing. If you are intending more than friendship, then Plenty of pictures must be exchanged. Recent pictures and not "Glamor shots". LOL Close head shots without sunglasses and full length shots. That may seem shallow to some but it is reality and how God made us. Physical attraction, which is relative, is all part of the formula. No pictures, no communication! In this modern world of technology there is no reason not to have some posted. Besides you want to see who it is you are communicating with. I have horror stories I can tell you from personal experience where I agreed to meet the lady sight unseen, no pics and I will never do that again. Some people actually lie about their looks. There were times I wish I had on those magic slippers and thought while clicking..."there's no place like home, there's no place like home". LOL But being the gentleman I am, I endured, changed my focus and ministered to them. Here is a big one. If they are not convicted and committed to remaining sexually pure until marriage then politely end the communications with that person but let them know why you are committed. Many Christians are not convicted in this area! Many have not been properly discipled. Regarding what you said about God having someone intended for you. That is actually not biblical. God does not pick your mate for you. He gives you total Free will. He has only one main desire and commandment regarding this and that is the person "you" choose is a true Christian and walking the talk. God does not permit you to marry a non-Christian. God is involved in the process and He does bring people across your path and He will help you to make your choice, but ultimately it is your decision whom you marry. Now for the "Fantasy" of internet dating. LOL The fantasy is this. Many come on personal sites and see a countless multitude of people of all kinds. It becomes like a shopping mall or "smorgisborg". Then what can happen and does often is that a person will meet someone and begin to communicate with them and at the same time meet other candidates and when someone comes along who is better looking or has more money or whatever, they drop you like a hot potato and move on to that next person and continue with the same process, never finding or being satisfied with one person. Many times it's because they really do not know what they want, or they think they "deserve" better or more. Many and various reasons. It also could be a fear of commitment. I have personally been through this and also know there are women and I am sure men who just get their kicks out of people wanting to get to know them. It's a game to some! Let's talk about "Long Distance" dating. How many people can seriously afford to date someone where you have to take a plane trip and get hotel rooms just to date someone? Most do not have the financial wear with all to do that. If you do then that is great. But in reality one must consider the difficulties and emotional stress this can bring. What if you do decide to finally meet, go through the expense of a plane trip and then reality hits home that neither can really relocate? Emotional heartache! Besides how well can you really get to know someone unless you see them on a regular basis, like every week? My opinion, at least from my perspective, is that if they are not within a reasonable drive, then I will not seek a relationship other than a friendship. Sometimes even a reasonable drive away may not be good either if neither can relocate. That happened to me. No regrets mind you. I met a wonderful Gal on another Christian site and we hit it off famously. She was a COP and I am an Ex COP so we had that in common among lots of other things. We both knew something was there and it wasn't long before we developed feelings for each other. She initially "thought" she would be able to relocate. But after a couple of months into the relationship , she discovered that her Ex-Husb. was unwilling to change the custody situation and we were not going to have her and her little girl go through a custody battle. And she only lives 2 hours from me. Well we ended our "romantic" part of our relationship but continued to be best of friends which we still are and we cherish our friendship but also realize that one day one or both of us will meet someone and we will have to stop communicating out of respect for the person we are involved with. [Let me also say that I will not entertain any probing questions about this relationship. This was for illustrative purposes only. :-) ] I hope that some of this helps. Blessings! Walter Post Reply
View Profile History	Repost: Online Dating Etiquette-What's proper? Posted : 3 Mar, 2010 07:31 PM Lol!!! I had forgotten all about posting that question!! Thank you for bringing it up again GraceMae!! :) :applause: And thank you Walter for such a great response!! :applause: Post Reply
View Profile History	Repost: Online Dating Etiquette-What's proper? Posted : 4 Mar, 2010 06:34 AM I like this Post Reply
View Profile History	Repost: Online Dating Etiquette-What's proper? Posted : 4 Mar, 2010 09:16 AM I agree to a point with what Walter says about long distance dating. I don't have a problem flying and getting a hotel room in order to meet or date someone or having her come to where I live for a date. My situation is such that I can do my job in any major city and a few smaller ones too. Also, I think that if later on in the relationship both can fly or drive to a city halfway between them then all the better. Then you both have some exploring to share. If she cannot relocate I can and I am willing to for the right person. I'm way more into finding a relationship and lifestyle that will work for me than being concerned about where I live. Thunder Post Reply
View Profile History	Repost: Online Dating Etiquette-What's proper? Posted : 4 Mar, 2010 01:12 PM I have a 250 mile radius from my home. Howevr, i will be friends outside that realm with ladies. I will unlikely travel more than the 250 miles to see a lady. Post Reply
GraceMae View Profile History	Repost: Online Dating Etiquette-What's proper? Posted : 4 Mar, 2010 02:55 PM I really did appreciate the comments about long distance relationships too... I have come to realize that I need to broaden my scope to potential mates, and not limit myself OR limit God in the process. I re-looked at my situation, the plus and minus of what I've got going on for me, and -what if's- on the long distance option, and I see great potential there for me should that kind of relationship present itself. I don't have children, but I've got elderly parents, not in the same city - but I am pretty flexible to travel, and with some thought and planning even relocate I guess if I had to. For me, at this stage of the game in my life, I'm learning to be a bit more adventerous and trusting of God these days. In all this about what's proper... well, the biggest thing is determinining in these new online relationships, if the persons character and integrity are on the up and up, and if it is, I beleive that all works out. I know I seem overly optimistic, but the other alternative is looking at all the negatives of what can't be, and I'd much rather stick with all the positives. ~ GraceMae Post Reply
View Profile History	Repost: Online Dating Etiquette-What's proper? Posted : 4 Mar, 2010 08:13 PM Thanks, Grace, for sharing! Good stuff! Post Reply
View Profile History	Repost: Online Dating Etiquette-What's proper? Posted : 5 Mar, 2010 08:45 AM I just want to say that I believe it is biblical that God prepares us for our mate and him for us. Look at the story of Isaac's servant and Rebekah at the well. I can tell you from past experience I don't want to pick my mate on my own. I have dated and God has clearly said "no" when everything looked so right to my "natural" eyes. Later I have found out why. God has called me into the ministry. The ministry is God's, I am God's and so is my future mate. Jeremiah 29:11- He knows the plans He has for me and they're all for a good end. God Bless Post Reply
View Profile History	Repost: Online Dating Etiquette-What's proper? Posted : 6 Mar, 2010 05:45 PM I find it hard to find a lady close to my home. going outside of 250 miles may be my only other choice. It is funny certain ladies who write me live half way across the country.Dennis Post Reply
View Profile History	Repost: Online Dating Etiquette-What's proper? Posted : 7 Mar, 2010 02:26 PM I agree with Thunder. For some reason or maybe it is God's sick joke. Everyone I am attracted to mentally and physically lives atleast 10 hrs away from me. I dont know why, but it is so frustrating. It is so bad I don't even look for someone on advanced search in my state. No offense TN guys, but it is the truth. Maybe I should move up North or in the midwest. Post Reply
View Profile History	Repost: Online Dating Etiquette-What's proper? Posted : 7 Mar, 2010 07:31 PM dear angel423, welcome to the forums.. ole cattle Post Reply

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