"The Unspoken Rules of Love" by Michelle McKinney Hammond and Joel A. Brooks Jr.
What do you think of this list of qualities to look for in a man?
Anything you would add?
"Seperate the Men from the Boys.
God�s idea of a mature man:
God-centered vs. self-centered: God is the center of his life, his worldview, and his decisions. This man bases his life on God�s Word and the rules that God gives for relationships. He responds to difficulty according to God�s direction and not by what he feels. He is not arrogant or selfish. He is able to serve for the betterment of everyone even though it may cost him.
Sensitive to others: This man is not rude. He considers others better than himself. He is patient and kind. He is motivated by your needs and slow to point out your faults. He attempts to make you feel secure and is sensitive to your weaknesses.
Self-controlled: A mature man does not have temper tantrums. He does not feel the need to demonstrate his displeasure by upsetting the atmosphere with shifting moods and unpleasant behavior. He walks in discipline in his personal life and does nothing that would encourage you to compromise your Godly standards. He understands the difference between being spontaneous and compulsive.
Responsible: A mature man does not run from pressure. He is a problem-solver. When there is a need, he steps up to the plate and follows through with decisive action. He is also able to admit when he is wrong and rejoice when you are right. He is able to receive correction as well as give it. He is aware of his God-ordained responsibility towards a woman and is moved to protect and provide for her. He is reliable and can be trusted.
Open and communicative: A mature man tells you at all times what is on his mind and where he is. If he is going through a difficult period, you don�t have to guess what�s going on. He initiates discussion about his difficulties in a non-accusing way and is open to your thoughts in working out a solution.
Submitted to authority: A mature man respects authority and is motivated by principle. He does the right thing because it is the right thing to do. He does not abuse his own authority, because he understands the principle of leading by serving, Just as Christ loved the church and gave himself for it even though he was lord over it, this man will give himself for you and be an authority you can yield to because his leadership is based on love.
When considering the man in your life, check the list. If the numbers don�t add up, subtract yourself from the relationship. The bottom line is that you cannot change him-don�t even try it. When dating, leave your mothering instincts at home. If you don�t, the immature man will take advantage of your nurturing and the mature man will respond negatively to it. Stay focused on what you are looking for: a husband, a priest, a lover, a cover. A man who can handle the job description. So make it clear by the way that you carry yourself that little boys need not apply."
This is enough to make me melt! This is a great list and ladies, many of the same qualities apply to us as well....a great checklist to review from time to time.
God bless you AmberLynn! I was just searching tonight in my home library for a book by that same author!!
Yes, this covers it!! I think what seperates Men from Boys also is knowing that a truely Godly man "will" have a womans best interest at heart. (... part of the "sensitive to others" I guess) It's so important for us women to allow the man the opporutinity to show us his leadership (Godly) ability as well.
I read a few other posts around women approaching the men. Well, I have some concerns just based on my life experience. Since walking in Christ, as opposed to being the Cosmo women of my youth... I prefer the "Godly" man taking the lead in approaching me with intent of interest. If I go after a man, and do all I can to to get him, well....I fear that after doing whatever I had to do to get him, I might have to put more into getting him to keep loving me! And, I don't want it that way. I never want to be in a situation where I've got to continually be looking over my shoulder wondering what he might be doing with another woman when she talks to him, or who else might have his attention.
If I have to encourage a man to take interest in me, then God knows what I might have to do to get him to love me. You know? We need men who are leaders, sure of themselves in their walk with the Lord, and ready to act as men of God in ministry and headship of the home.
lol...I have to throw a "but" into your "carried away post"...sorry. Here it comes. But!!! I would never make a move toward a woman unless I noticed she was interested in me...she wouldn't have to say it or anything, but I would have to pick up on it. I don't like the idea of a man pushing himself on a woman that may or may not be interested with the intention of "making her" love him. So maybe it's just me, but I would need signs of mutual attraction before making a serious move. Which brings me around to another point. It is very hard to do that "online", which is why I think the creators of this site allow people to see who has viewed you and to send winks.
My friend recently told me he sat down and came up with a list of everything he wanted in a girl/future wife, and what he started noticing was he was making a female version of him so he crumpled the list up and said "God, surprise me" and it worked out just fine.
DontHitThatMark had a fine point too the runs parallel to my thinking as well. What I've come to find in this online dating thing is that all you can really do if you're not playing the numbers and looking for just anybody is you just have to say a sentence or two of what you think (don't think too hard though) and end with "if you want to get to know each other better write back" or something to that effect. That's your pitch. Then all you can do is wait.
Boys will try too hard, men have nothing to prove. And if the girl thinks otherwise, you're probably not a good match for each other.
oh gracemae's post was along those lines too. I'm kinda like winnie the pooh when it comes to these posts and forums "I'm a bear of very little brains. and big (substitute "words" for "posts") bother me."
Mark and Remp... I understand what you're both saying. Mark.... I guess I'm just too old school.... I've been around the block and back. Being online and all - God knows I wrote alot on my profile, that was either to attract or deter from the jumpstart- what any man that comes across my profile may expect. Also, when I chose this site, I really was attracted by the forums. I needed away to express, that often wouldn't come if I just looked at a bunch of profiles, and then "winked" at somebody, or wrote a private message and waited aimlessly literally forever for someone to initiate contact with me. The forums however, afforded me the chance to express myself, and get indirect feedback from others on site, which, I think has been that much more beneficial for me and others here.
While,ultimately, no I don't want to be hooked up with a woman... but perhaps a potential hubby (if God so allows) ...God has brought both women and men into my life through interacting in the forums. I feel like I've fulfilled some ministry here too, and have been unexpectedly delighted with new women and men friendships.
I think we've got to get to the place where we can just drop a note to each other, without "always" thinking somebody is trying to get the hookup, and extend out a not/request of friendship. I believe as I've always, a serious relationship should always begin with friendship. K... I'm through for now.
Nice, nice list there. I have a list of my own. And I think its a great list. One of the things on my list is that he respects ALL the women in his life - daughters, mother, sisters, other family and friends. And I s'pose this is the thinking of others category.
Like the lady in the last post, I was afraid of "showing" a guy my interests, only because I didn't want to seem forward, and give him the impression that I was easy (like you, been there, done that.)
But I've learned quite a bit about men, and you hate rejection too. You're not made of iron and have hearts of steel that don't get hurt. I will show my interest. Its ok. But I still expect a guy to "lead". It just works that way.
You are not blindfolded or behind masks. You are not behind doors number one or two or three. You have photos and profiles and some of you write what you feel in this Forum...so there is a lot of information about you "Out There" fo ALL to see.
Make that man come to you! If he is so dense that he needs more info then what is available, then you might think about "dating" some one smarter...like a ripe tomato maybe.
Of course there is nothing wrong with a "dropped" handkershift or glove...to get his attention and perhaps start a conversation...BUT, make him work a little. You need to know just how much he is willing to work for your hand. As Ms. Grace said...if it comes too easy for him...he may not appreciate it. So...make them crawl! :ROFL: make them beg! :yay: Then reward them once they make the right decision!
and always making you laugh. Playful nature and devoted to you.