I would like some feedback on something that I have been thinking about a lot lately. I apologize if this gets to be rather lengthy, but I'd like to give some background. This is a somewhat personal post and I was a little hesitant to share, but here goes:
A couple of years ago I met a guy who is a year younger than me and attends the same university as me. He seemed to fall for me pretty quickly and he asked me out for Valentine's Day. I was nervous because at that point I didn't feel like I knew him very well, but I agreed to go and I had a really great time. It was really laid back and comfortable. It was about a month later that we started officially going out, but for some reason I was always hesitant. Something bothered me and try as I may I could never really pinpoint what it was that was making me uncomfortable. I talked to my roommate about it and she didn't understand it either. She said that I always seemed to happy to be around him. He was and still is a really great guy. He was a solid Christian, thoughtful and considerate, very intelligent, musically inclined, and I loved his parents. He had virtually everything that I would look for in a guy and yet something bothered me. I thought that perhaps it was the age difference and I still think that might be part of it. But I felt like that was a rather shallow reason not to date someone. I think I've always pictured myself with someone who was at least my age and I had a hard time getting used to being in a relationship with someone younger than me even if the difference was only 10 months. I felt ridiculous for worrying about something so petty. I also worried a little that I didn't feel as physically attracted to him as I thought I should. He wasn't bad looking or anything and I felt shallow for even worrying that much about appearances. After all, people change as they grow older and certainly there must be much more than physical attraction for a relationship to really blossom.
We were together for only a few months before I ended it. I struggled with the decision, but I was going to be studying abroad for a semester and decided that maybe it was best to put things on hold if I was at all unsure. If we were meant to be together then maybe things would pick up when I got back. Things didn't pick up and I don't really even see that much of him anymore. I find myself still wondering if he was surprised when I ended things or if he saw it coming. The summer before I left to study abroad, I was very busy. I was taking a class every morning and doing full-time research in the afternoon. When I got done in the lab I would work on homework for most of the evening and then do it all again the next day. My weekends were about the only free time I had. As I got overwhelmed I think I started pushing him away while at the same time I think I was wishing that he would be there more often, wishing that he would check on me to see if I was okay, wishing that every now and then he would keep me company while I studied, wishing that he would invite me to events in person instead of sending out a mass facebook invitation, wishing that he would talk to me more. Far too often the car was silent when we drove places. I couldn't bring myself to tell him when something bothered me and in retrospect I realize that perhaps communication was our biggest problem. Who was I to expect him to somehow read my mind? To this day I wonder if he wonders why I ended things and lately I've been wondering if I should try to work up the courage to talk to him about it. I don't know if it was hard for him or not. He seemed to take it okay at the time. As far as I know he has remained single since we broke up.
I sometimes wonder if I've let Mr. Right slip away, but then I wonder if the only reason I feel that way is because many of my friends have been getting engaged or married lately. I don't want to get into something just for the sake of being in a relationship.
So I guess what I am really asking is if, in your opinion, I should work up the courage to talk to this guy about some of this or would I just be opening a can of worms?
On a side note, I don't really have high hopes for online dating. It feels a little weird to me getting to know someone who I haven't met in person. It also seems that the guys who I'm interested in are not really interested in me and the ones who are interested in me don't seem to be my type.
Thanks for taking the time to read this. I would appreciate your feedback.
The long arduous process of becoming a Doctor is difficult enough without adding the stress of a relationship and there are few relationships that are stress free. Any relationship needs time for the two people involve to rub off their sharp edges and rough parts on each other (get your mind out of the gutter - that's not what I'm talking about). Eventually over time (if you last that long) the "two" fit nicely together as "one". All those "collisions" and "encounters", spats,disagreements where each partner learns each others like and dislikes is what leads to the "perfect" fit. Along the way in this process, you will know if the two of you are going to eventually "fit".
Sometimes one or the other or both of them have something that can't be worn "smooth" and enough of these"can'ts" brings a end to the relationship.
Sashos, it sounded like there was no passion in your relationship -- this is a sign that it is not the one for you (unless you want a lukewarm relationship); for whatever the reason.
Once you meet that special guy and he is "the one" -- trust me, it will hit you like a runaway TRAIN! Hopefully there will be stars and birds and Susan Whatshername singing in the background.
If you want to talk to him, so as there is closure....absolutely...do it. But, you don't need to or want to push yourself or him into something that may not work.
You have right now the gift of youth. You also have a long hard climb until you are a Resident Doctor with at least some time for a relationship.
I'm going to make a prediction here (write this down) I see you marrying in your late twenties or early thirties to a Absolutely Gorgeous Fireman that you helped set his broken leg. He can't help falling in love with you and you feel the same. A year later and BAda BoOm.....Mr and Mrs (three kids and fifty years later...)
Don't settle for less, never settle for less. If this online Speed Dating does not work, know that the time you spent here on line has been wonderful Fellowship for all of us.
My Prayer to Our Lord and Savior is for HIM to POUR HIS GRACES on you, to Protect you and Have a Study Angel always by your side...AmeN!
Thank you, Archimedes, for your words of encouragement. I think you are probably right about there not really being any passion in that relationship.
I think that with every friend that I see getting engaged or married I feel more anxious about being single. I realize that I am quite young still and that I should be cherishing my singleness before it is gone forever, and yet I catch myself time and again wishing to find that special someone right now. It's true that I'm going to be very busy and it's probably not very practical for me to be in a relationship, but I do know a fair number of medical students who are married and they somehow manage to make it work. Nonetheless, I need to stop looking at what everyone else has and remind myself that God will provide in His perfect timing.
I do want to have passion in my future marriage, but I think sometimes I worry that there may not be anyone out there who could sweep me off my feet and take my breath away. And if he is out there I wonder why he would ever be interested in me, lol.
I need to stop worrying and start trusting more. I know that worry is a sin and it's probably where I struggle the most. My future is in good hands, so there is no need to worry.
Matthew 6:27
"Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?"
Let me add. If it's going to happen -- it is Going To Happen -- no matter what you want or do. And yes, there are those that are in a relationship that will support each other -- but they were (probably) together for a while before marrying and have become "fitted" together.
Focus on your studies. I believe God wants you to get that degree. Who knows.....maybe you'll be the one to discover the cure for cancer!
Being single or taken doesn't really have much to do with being happy. it's a choice to be happy- nay JOYFUL. once you're of that mind set things have a way of working themselves out. the question you're asking is really difficult to explain so i'll just say a prayer that you'll find your way.
-oh yeah, you know what else is a choice? neediness.
dear folks, ive watched friends ,neighbors, family members and even i did go back for a second try with someone before.. but from what ive seen and experienced myself is that if youre not good enuff for someone the first time you wont be good enuff for them the next time either.. and also if someone isnt good enuff for you the first time then they wont be good enuff for you the next time either..
there is always a reason that they are in your past or that you are in their past..
its hard for folks to overcome their original predjudices.. and those faults that folks didnt like the first time will still be there..
as an ole famer , i know it is always best to plow new ground.. folks might should too. as its something wrong or there is something missing from that old ground that makes you wanna search for a ground you like.. that new ground has endless possibilities.. as for the old ground well, you already know what thats gonna grow.. smile
