A Message/Letter About Online Dating (never sent to anyone in particular)
Posted : 26 Nov, 2009 08:29 PM
I was in Over 40 chat this evening....and felt like discussing problems and challenges in online dating. To keep from disrupting the room, who were talking about what they did for Txgiv'g and praying for people I don't know (online and not) --- I asked if anyone would like to go to the "Cafe" chatroom to discuss it (since it was empty). I didn't feel led to pray and had an uneventful Thanksgiving (I stayed home alone, but that's okay, I'm thankful)! Anyway, one person said they would like to discuss online dating in the other room. I went in there and waited 3 mins. They never showed up. So I left.
One thing I wanted to discuss was "limitations of online dating." I can tell that, *if MANY women (on this site) and I lived close to one another* --- we would *probably* want to get together for coffee, a Bible study, etc. I've 'met' quite a few sisters like this here --- and brothers also! --- who I'd like to do stuff with. But none live very close, most pretty far away....
Add To The Mix
Different ladies I've written, who also live far from me; the "list" of them is getting LONG! Now, I believe God would provide absolutely *ALL* -- should He lead me and a sister to get together (marry) -- no matter where she is. However, I would imagine there may be something like a few HUNDRED (???) great Christian ladies 'who come here' I could potentially marry!!! (if you see what I'm saying).....
So.
"Online dating", though it can open up so many *MORE* possibilities for a future mate; it has limitations (obviously). My recent 'strategy', so to speak, has been to write more ladies, rather than meeting/seeing them in chat (which can get 'unpleasant" at times, and can have *so many topics*, and people discussing them separately)! And now -- some of these ladies I've writtten or IMd --- I'm forgetting their names! -- even after writing and/or IMing them! -- a few times!!! (and I've come to understand this problem isn't limited to me! and men)!
Thus.
I'm evaluating the whole process. And think God will lead me in new and better/improved directions. 'Not sure what all this may entail. But I'm living and learning. I may write less, or more, don't know right now....
I *do know and trust* God to guide. May He you too, Amen. Take care and thanks for reading! (I seldom get every typo or mistake and apologize for these in advance) --- Thanks!
A Message/Letter About Online Dating (never sent to anyone in particular)
Posted : 26 Nov, 2009 09:01 PM
I guess I've often wondered what happened to single people before the advent of the PC age. Many less opportunities to meet other single people. Of course, that number has risen for us older folks due to the amount of divorces nowadays.
Does this really change God's will? For those who meet and happily marry, is it possible they would have met anyway through bumping into each other in a roadside rest area or something when they were each traveling? I don't know. I guess I don't take it too seriously, and realize most every person I have contact with is just a brief interaction, much like a short conversation with someone in a grocery store. So, for me, I guess I choose to communicate more, not less. But, there are days I think of just getting offline altogether. Then I find myself in here again.....
I understand your point, Rick. It is something you need to decide for yourself as to whether it is a profitable use of your time. You may meet a woman you'd like to marry in here, or it may be when visiting someone from out of state, or maybe not at all. I think the key to it all is contentment, much like someone said in the chat room earlier.
Peace, brother. I think we all struggle with this. Frustrating at times? Yes. Like too many choices of cereal, most of which you can't eat but you know you'd really enjoy.
A Message/Letter About Online Dating (never sent to anyone in particular)
Posted : 26 Nov, 2009 09:40 PM
I hear you Rick,
and I know what you are talking about. I went into one of the Chat Rooms and it was like being in a room of bees! Words were flying everywhere (I had one fly up my nose). When I type I have to look down to find the right keys -- so by the time I typed my response -- the question has long been gone.
It is tempting to try the "shotgun" approach here online by "ringing" every doorbell to see whose home. After a while you would need a secretary to keep track of who is whom (or whom is who).
I think the "grass is always greener" approach will keep one in constant search because they will always find someone that attract their attention across the street.
Either one of those approaches will need a filing system.
There is also wanting to be kind by replying to every e-mail, which after a while can also create a long list.
It might be a good idea to curb one's enthusiasm and limit the number of lines you have in the water (so to speak).
It may also be a good idea to have some kind of sign one could place on their profile indicating that they have found someone and wants to be exclusive with them (at least for the time being).
I also agree with you about distance. Distance is a tough barrier to overcome, but like the flea and the elephant -- me and God can do anything. Plus, what a great Love Story to overcome obstacles for Love!
You are also right when you say there are many women on this site worthy of marrying. From what I've seen and read -- all of them! Yet, I have waited a very long time for this one women. And she is really special and unique and I have loved her since I was 10 years old. I don't know what she looks like but I'll certainly recognize her when I see her. Make sense?
That is why I like this Forum. It gives me the opportunity to "listen" to women on this site, to "hear" their voice and just as a Shepherd's sheep will recognize His voice -- I will recognize her's.
A Message/Letter About Online Dating (never sent to anyone in particular)
Posted : 26 Nov, 2009 10:15 PM
Hi BabyBlue!
You Wrote: "I understand your point, Rick. It is something you need to decide for yourself as to whether it is a profitable use of your time. You may meet a woman you'd like to marry in here, or it may be when visiting someone from out of state, or maybe not at all. I think the key to it all is contentment, much like someone said in the chat room earlier."
Agreed, that we are stewards of all God has given us (includes time). Since joining dating sites (earlier this year) I've tried to find someone close -- as close as possible, in fact. I've 'met' some (online only) who are relatively close and very close. But not anyone I would consider for "more" than what we've done online so far. That could change, but I don't see any immediate indicators. Being "content" in the Lord as single/celibate goes without saying -- yet we may not be *called to lifelong celibacy* (why we're here), etc.
You Also Wrote: "Peace, brother. I think we all struggle with this. Frustrating at times? Yes. Like too many choices of cereal, most of which you can't eat but you know you'd really enjoy."
Combined with what you said in your first paragraph; the internet's giving us more older folks a new way to meet people (though some met through writing "pen pals" back in The Day --- albeit, a very small minority). In a certain sense of meaning, I suppose your "cereals" analogy applies or has some merit. I mean, e.g., were I to 'meet' and/or read a lady's profile on this site who likes a proverbial cereal, say, a bowl of "NASCAR Freakies"....Would someone pass me a bowl of "Bible Bran(d) Flakes"? --- we don't even like the same cereals! which is okay....but 'she's not for me'...and so on. Peace to you too!
A Message/Letter About Online Dating (never sent to anyone in particular)
Posted : 27 Nov, 2009 12:10 AM
Archimedes ---
I "heard" everything you said. And, actually, the very first 'online lady' I ever thought about in any 'romantic' sense was someone I met posting on forums (at Beliefnet). This was in 2003 and I had never chatted in my life. Anyway, someone from Beliefnet -- a married lady who, some of her single lady friends were 'looking -- showed me how to get and use Yahoo Messenger. I 'met' a few of these ladies (online only) in Yahoo Conferences. I wasn't interested in any of them. At any rate, since I had just gotten YM, I asked to talk with this other lady from Beliefnet. After a while we realized we weren't *The One(s)* and have been in touch some since. We occationally ask if, "Have you found someone?" and, while she has (found one boyfriend in her town, didn't meet online); they have broken up.
Otherwise, I've gotten to know a ladies from Bible/theology forums (not talking about "dating" but Bible/theology stuff). Some of them are compatible enough with me that --- we've said, "If we lived closer to one another, we'd get some coffee or go to church!" They say, "You never know." I can't afford going very far away right now. But God will provide for *that* --- and for *everything else* -- if and when it's His will. Thanks!
A Message/Letter About Online Dating (never sent to anyone in particular)
Posted : 27 Nov, 2009 12:39 AM
I should add that, as per usually; I make-(and-miss-correcting-)typos, sorry!
More Importantly -- I actually *had sent* this "Message/Letter" to someone on the site, have informed them of this thread, and felt I should mention this. I revised/edited it 'for here'.
A Message/Letter About Online Dating (never sent to anyone in particular)
Posted : 27 Nov, 2009 12:44 AM
Rick, I have found online fellowship to be a blessing, but realistically, if the person is not close enough to meet in real life, honestly, how well can you get to know each other?
On that note, I have met men in real life that I met online, but I try to remain grounded. If they are not close enough to meet, they are friends and that is all for most people my age are not adventuresome enough to dump their careers, and families to relocate. I don't see myself doing that either, so I can't hold that against anyone.
The part I cannot figure out is why local people never seem interested. I do not believe the fickle world of online dating is necessarily the future of where my life is headed. I believe balance in all things are good, which means go out into the world and do the Lord's work. If you go out and get involved in helping with the ministries of others, you will truly meet a lot of interesting people. There are endless ways to volunteer in every community, and in places like this, you will meet good Christian people, which broadens a person's horizons and opens up that opportunity for the Lord to connect you with other people that will find you interesting as well, and it is a wonderful way to get to know people on a personal level with no pressure.
About a year ago I decided to stop seeking my own self centered ambitions to find this person I have been looking for, and to just go out and do God's work and let God be God. He can be concerned about my future and I will be concerned about furthering His work, and somehow, I have a sense of peace about this, that it will all work out.
In the meantime, I have been having a wonderful time, and I have been meeting all kinds of interesting people, men and women, young and old, single and married. Some of them are even single men of the appropriate age that mild interest have developed with, and who knows what the future holds? (Well, God does, but I guess I will just keep on doing His work and let things unfold according to His Will, and whatever happens, I will have some wonderful friends!)
My experience with internet dating have not been all that positive. When I do meet someone, already, it starts out as a boyfriend, girlfriend, is this going to work out sort of deal, which has a lot of pressure. I would prefer to get to know someone as a friend and decide if I like them before they get to thinking on whether or not they are going to get a kiss goodnight.
Don't know if any of this will work for you or not Brother, but its a thought.
A Message/Letter About Online Dating (never sent to anyone in particular)
Posted : 27 Nov, 2009 02:52 AM
Hi Tarasye! Thanks for your reply ---
YOU WROTE: "Rick, I have found online fellowship to be a blessing, but realistically, if the person is not close enough to meet in real life, honestly, how well can you get to know each other?"
I 'survived' before I got my very first computer in 2000. I've been basically 'working class poor' for since before then. The internet been one 'extra' thing I've been able to afford,, though I was homeless and out of work earlier this year. After living in a boarding house for men for 5 weeks, I got a job, an apartment, and my internet back (in late March). I haven't been able to afford 'going out' very much -- (though this will improve once I get called back to work early next year, or if I get another job in the meantime). But to answer your question --- For two years (2004-2006) I spent a lot of time online with one lady, mostly in Yahoo Messenger. I got to know her *better* than another woman (who was also my girlfriend, for three years)! Much better, in fact. However, I had this this girlfriend 'before computers' (in the late 80s) and was also in the Navy then -- before cell phones also.. So 'long distance relationships' aren't anything new to me! Unlike this lady I who 'talked with online' for two years -- (and we decided to never meet, and parted as friends) -- I had obviously met my girlfriend in person. She was from my hometown. Btw, I wouldn't consider a lady I know 'online only' as a girlfriend. Had the lady I 'talked' with for 2 years on the web and I ever met in person, then that may have changed.
YOU ALSO WROTE: "On that note, I have met men in real life that I met online, but I try to remain grounded. If they are not close enough to meet, they are friends and that is all for most people my age are not adventuresome enough to dump their careers, and families to relocate. I don't see myself doing that either, so I can't hold that against anyone."
This can be tricky. Someone in my station in life could potentially go any place. That is, I don't have a family (of my own, though I have some relatives here in Ohio, including my widowed mother. I'm her only child). Without citing scripture passages, the Bible teaches that: 1) We should honor our parents; 2) We should provide for our families; 3) We must be willing to leave parents, family, and home, and "lose our own lives" --- or we cannot be a disciple of Jesus. Now. There's a *lot* involved in numbers 1-3! They may seem to be contradictory, but aren't, unless we violate the spiritual principles involved. I'll try giving an example here. Better yet, I'll ask more questions. Am I willing to relocate if God calls me to? Yes. Because If He does, He will provide a way (work/ a job in that area). Would I be violating honoring my parents in this move? No, if God is in it. But I would miss my mom and family here, and them, me. In this economy -- with things being as bad as they are --- would it be wise to "dump a career"? Absolutely not, unless God calls one to. To sum up here; whoever God *has* for us (if He does); He will provide all that's needed ("seek ye first"). Whether we're called to relocate, change jobs, or not.
And YOU WROTE: "My experience with internet dating have not been all that positive. When I do meet someone, already, it starts out as a boyfriend, girlfriend, is this going to work out sort of deal, which has a lot of pressure. I would prefer to get to know someone as a friend and decide if I like them before they get to thinking on whether or not they are going to get a kiss goodnight."
It sounds as if you've met men who are "dating" like the world does. That is, they are following "the pattern of this world" and haven't been transformed by the renewing of their minds! (cf. Ro 12:1-2). IMO, Christian "dating" -- (a word I'm really reluctant to use) --- *begins and continues in the fellowship of the Holy Spirit*. Any guy or gal who is asking for a kiss before even knowing the other *isn't 'operating' in the Holy Spirit*. They're acting like teenage pagans. This shouldn't be! I won't have anything to do with *anything* like this if I can help it. If I met a sister from the web in person, or a lady from my church who wanted a kiss I'd succinctly inform her---I will NOT kiss anyone but my wife! and may or may not do it before we're married. And, if I do, it won't be anything like 'making out' (if you'll pardon the expression).
Thanks for your reply, Tarasye! I commented on a lot, but not everything. I'm totally with you on getting involved in local ministries. I'm temporarily limited on that (but plan to get new brakes for my very old truck soon, after getting back to work). Enuf sed, I suppose. God bless you!
A Message/Letter About Online Dating (never sent to anyone in particular)
Posted : 27 Nov, 2009 04:18 PM
You are a good and faithful man Rick and I sincerely believe that God has chosen a good woman who He created just for you. I also believe that when you meet her, you definitely won't be disappointed. It will have been worth all this waiting.
Keep pressing on my friend because as you well know, God is truly faithful in His word. :applause:
